Relationship Advice, Am I being used?

Question

Hi

I am 25 and been seeing this lady of 35 from work for 3 months, she can be very hard work mood swings and snappy. Thats mainly because she has a low self confidence and had a ruff time in past with ex husband who cheated on her 4years ago, she having problems at work and is a bit depressed.

During these thre months she been up and down, which I don't mind I just try and help and support her. I have spent the last couple of months helping her out as much as I can, I do like her but recently went on a 10day holiday together.

During that time she was very whats the word not effectionate, I asked her whats going on. She said she fancies me really likes me, isnt using me and isnt messing me about. but didn't want to touch or kiss me on holiday and dosn't know why? but a few weeks before she did.

She said she wants me to hang on in there while she sorts her self out, but kissing some one is not a big deal no matter how down some one is and she did before we

Answer 1

I would say that her interest in you has faded now that you paid for the holiday. It's possible that she has developed an interest in someone else and hopes that you will break up with her so she can pursue this other person. At this point, yes you are being used by someone who doesn't have the courage to just tell you the truth.

Answer 2

You sound like a really nice bloke. You've only known her 3 months though and you are already a bit unhappy with her - so maybe she's not the one for you at the end of the day. I don't think she's using you as I think she's probably depressed and just very mixed up at the moment. Maybe going on holiday for 10 days together was a mistake this early in your relationship. Still, you did go away together and that's given you an insight into what she's really like when she's off-duty. I think you should have a good look at this relationship and maybe cool it a little. Sounds like you are making all the running at the moment.

Answer 3

You're a boy toy to her. When she wants you, she really wants you, and when she doesn't, you're still there waiting in the wings for when she does. Your holiday you took together must have been a reminder of one she had with her ex from the past, and discouraged any real need for affection, just company. At work, she may have to be almost ruthless and noncaring at times; but no so when you're alone at home. You gotta realize with women approaching middle age, there's more than meets the eye going on with them (body chemistry changes, need for stability, etc). So, if you can and want to put up with her moods, then do so. If not, tell her and see what that gets you when you admonish her for the way she is towards you.

Answer 4

Talk to her about it. Why wouldn't she want to be affectionate to you on holidays. She is coming with you to the holidays so you shouldn't worry. Does she have mood swings out of nowhere or something has caused it? Whatever it is, you two can sort out problems. If you love her, the relationship shouldn't have unnecessary problems. What sort of problems can come out of a relationship where two people genuinely love each other and make priorities for each other?

It is natural to go through struggles together. There was a story from the print media about a woman in her 20s who went through similar problems that your gf are facing, but her partner has been with her through all that and now they are married. She loves him for doing that as other guys wouldn't be able to do that. She was affected by the conditions so other aspects are also affected.

This story is wonderful because most people want to be with partners for more of the positives but to be in each other life, when his/her life is not going well, it makes one think. If you could be with someone when their life is upside down and choose to stay then it is fantastic as you can survive other trials in life as well. It also shows what you have is real. You will go through your own problems as well so just have each other's back when that happens.

You may meet other girls that may have not have the same problems as her but they may have a different kind of problems.

Once, a woman said that her husband is into gardening so he would direct financial resource at buying and maintaining garden. At first, she does not like it but then later on, she would prefer that he is into gardening, bonsai trees and fish rather than women, neglecting the family for gambling and so forth.

The point is whoever you are with, there will be some sort of issues.

Choosing to be with people that are successful, but what happens if that success is challenged? would you still love that person and having fun sailing through the obstacles? For instance, employment problems.

Some times relationship can feel like a calm beach and at other times, it has some waves. Some people like to alternative visit between calm beach and beach with some waves as it is monotonous either way. We have good days, bad days, bad hair days and good hair days so changes and conflicts are inevitable hence just acknowledge and deal with it as it comes.

Best wishes

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear your dilemma, by the looks of it, it doesn't seem as if she IS using you but perhaps the affection is gone and doesn't feel the same way. Perhaps she would just like to be friends and if so then you should make the initiative to just law back and see what happens in the next 2 weeks. Notice if she doesn't feel like making love, even a kiss, because coincidentally, kisses make me feel better...so don't be too down on it, just consider the though of breaking up. but remember, your partner may not be telling you EVERYTHING so try to see what REALLY is going on. I really feel for you and I'm sorry for what you are experiencing. just don't try to push her too hard to get information, that will lead to a downfall. hope everything works out

Answer 6

My id of sw student is for social work student and in my studies(I graduated last May) we studied human behavior a great deal. It is my honest opinion that you should end this 'relationship' as romantic, friendship is the answer here and by the sounds of it, that is what she is really looking for. It almost sounds like she is not over the ex issue. She needs to talk with someone and no offense, but a man that is physically attracted to her is not who she should be talking to. It sounds as if she knows that she only wants a friendship, but has yet to tell you. She may be afraid to loose you completely. You should ask her is she wants to simply be friends...what could it hurt? If she only wants to be friends and you are believing it should be more YOU will be the one hurt in the end. Good Luck with this...sw student

Answer 7

Hey! "leaning post!" You are my favorite "crutch!" and of course i'll "use" you when ever i can't seem to stand on my own! (Duhhh!) But, it sure does make you feel more prestigious to have an older "woman" now don't it...i mean, since her (ex) hubby and her made the split..and she was probably (really had it bad for him) in love with..it's taking it's toll on her..she can't have "you" if she still has "him" in her heart...(it would be like "cheating"!!) but here you are"Superman!" gonna save the day and the poor woman..who's going through depression and all kinds of stuff that will take a "very long...long...time to get over"! By the time she gets over it...she will be ready for "retirement!" and you will be "stuck with "Your Older Woman!" lol...rots u ruck!,and don't forget..."I told you so!"

Answer 8

Do you think she is using you for a rebound? I don't know but I think maybe she's just afraid. She was really hurt by someone she obviously trusted. Your new in her life, and though you've done nothing wrong she may be scared to get to close to you in the fear that you will hurt her. She seems to be going up and down. she seems confused which may be why she is acting this way. One minute she may feel like she is ready the next she may feel like she is totally unready therefor giving off mixed signals to you and confusing you, well she seems like she's confused to. I'd say give her sometime. I don't see why you feel she is using you. Just give her time to sort things out own her own.

Answer 9

I think that relationship is bad, and yeah ur getting used, but i think there are a few solutions to ur problem, either confront her telling her that ur there for her, but she must take you seriously too, or take a time-out, to see if she can deal with her stuff, or end it, ur young, you can definatly find a new girl, or keep going and taking crap
your choice, hope i helped clear the path

Answer 10

I know you care for this woman, but it seems she has too many troubles that apparently you can not fix.

It seems to me that she may be using you... do not be a door mat. You deserve to be happy so dont let her drag you down.

Be her friend, only. No more holidays for her....no dinner dates...no spending any money on her at all. Go out with others & enjoy YOUR life!