We've been living together for 7 months. Due to family issues wth my children he's thinking of moving out and getting his own place but still see each other.
I feel this is a step backwards and out of the relationship. He says he's uncomfortable here with my daughter and her teenage ways and has tried but hates it here.
If you've been living together and then he moves out....what type of effect would that have on the relationship?
I feel like I"m losing my best friend and partner for support. I don't know if I can continue in the relationship if he moves out.
Why is that? Should I?
2007-09-23 03:14:36 · 11 answers · asked by xxxxi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well first let him move out, you can't stop him and begging would just degrade you. And there is no way to really know how it's going to affect anything. But if he's already said one of the reasons are issues with your kids, which you will always have, it’s hard to look past that. I'm guessing that he's hoping you'll still stay together after he moves out, but go with your gut on this one. If he can't handle the living situation now, you're still going to have the same life whether he lives with you or moves out. And it is a step backwards. But just let him move out and try and keep all the emotional rhetoric to a minimum. Yes it hurts and it's okay to tell him that, but try and stay away from absolute statements like "if you move out then it's over" wait until he moves out and then give yourself time to figure out how all this is effecting you and what you are willing or not willing to do or put up with. As hard as it will be just let him go. And you can't have him move out, then back in, then out etc. That just is not something to put your children through. My sister is currently with this a*shole who she threw out because he wouldn't get a job, then a month later they buy a 350K house, and then she moves out because he still won't get a job. And to watch what she puts my 14-year-old nephew through is heartbreaking. So just keep it to yourself until you've had time to figure it out so you don't keep doing the on again off again dance
xxx
2007-09-23 03:40:48 · answer #1 · answered by Shel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't have to be a step backwards unless you want it to be one. My guess is that a lot would depend on what about your DD makes him uncomfortable. What's his specific complaint? If it's just normal teenage or parenting related things then maybe you want to hold off on having such a serious relationship with this man. However, if this is stemming from things your DD is doing to actively make him feel nervous you might want to cut him some leeway.
Personally, I'd be glad he's being mature enough not to just issue an ultimatum that either she goes or he does. It could be that he's moving because he values the relationship with you and doesn't want to ruin it with fighting over your kids.
Maybe try the new arrangement out before you decide whether it's good or bad.
I can say that a friend of mine didn't move in with her boyfriend until after her youngest left home. She says it was probably the smartest decision she ever made. They've now been together about 14 years.
2007-09-23 11:57:46 · answer #2 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are in a committed relationship, he should take the good with the bad. Moving out isn't going to change things with your daughter. Staying there, trying to become closer to her, and helping will make the difference.
That being said. I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years. We moved in together after nine months, lived together for a year, and have been living apart now for more than 2 years. While the living together part of our relationship was the best part by far, we have had to live apart for various reasons. We have been through a lot and still are able to hold it together.
If he has to move out for his sanity than you trying to talk him into staying wont help. He has to want to stay. You can still make things work. You just have to communicate more and make more special time for each other. Question is, Is he planning on moving back in with you when your daughter is grown up and out of the house? You really need to discuss what him moving out means for your future together.
Make sure you tell him "I"m losing my best friend and partner for support. I don't know if I can continue in the relationship if he moves out." If he still moves out I would consider that relationship abandonement.
Good luck.
2007-09-23 03:26:20 · answer #3 · answered by GoldenButterflyKisses 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are right. By him moving out, you should listen. He is telling you that he doesn't want to play "Daddy" any more to your kids. I don't know if they are rude and hateful to him or just that he is tired of it because they aren't his kids. You really can't do anything about his decision. I'm sure he has strong feelings for you but things like this happen when kids are involved in a second relationship regarding their parents. Let him go and hope that he misses being with you all the time. (The part you said about losing your best friend and partner for support sounds like you are needy. Try to be stronger and not so dependent on other people).
2007-09-23 03:19:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree with you. It is a step backward. I was in your situation several years ago. I moved out. We still dated & spent weekends together, but it the relationship disintegrated rapidly. I am now very happily married to another man.
2007-09-23 04:21:45 · answer #5 · answered by Incongruous 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's forcing you to make a decision between him and your daughter. The two of you cannot have a relationship if he cannot accept your family as well. Your first obligation is to your family. If he cannot accept that, then you need to move on and find someone who understands that.
2007-09-23 03:21:41 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it will effect the relationship, but if he is not happy u have to accept it. but if u love him it is always wise to keep the lines of communication open in case there is something down the line in the future. find out first if there is anything u can do about the situation that's causing this.
2007-09-23 03:22:36 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
apparently, your boyfriend doesn't have the maturity to understand kids at all, to "back off" and/or let the kids know he's not trying to take dad's place, or even let them know he realizes the divorce was (and probably still is) hard on them, and if they need to talk, he'll listen.
i think your focus needs to be on your kids... not some guy.
2007-09-23 03:25:20 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He still loves you but cant tolerate your daughter. Its as simple as that. Better than your boyfriend and daughter quarreling with each other.
2007-09-23 03:22:57 · answer #9 · answered by Bamboo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea if thats what he wants relax if its meant to be its meant to be maybe this is what you and your daughter need right now think of this as best of both worlds
2007-09-23 03:20:02 · answer #10 · answered by love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋