how to tell your girlfriend's parents that you want to marry their daughter? (in a polite, nice way)?

Question

should i tell them with my girlfriend or talk to the parents alone?

Answer 1

You should talk to them with your girlfriend there with you. Assuming your girlfriend has said yes, you would sit down with her parents and say something to the effect of: "Mr. & Mrs. Smith, I think that you have raised an incredible human being. I love her with all my heart and nothing would make me happier than to spend the rest of my life with her. I am asking for your blessings to get married". If you are sincere and speak from your heart it will be better received. Congratuations and best of luck to you!!

Answer 2

Over a year and you've kept it secret? How do you do it?! I feel your pain though. My gf's guardians.. well its not so much me that they don't like, its that idea that their niece (she lives with her aunt and uncle) has a boyfriend and that we might have sex on the couch if they take their eyes off us for one second (we're not that stupid. we're not even thinking about having sex yet). They're extremely over-bearing and never let us have much time alone together. Also, I don't share their political or religious views.. in fact i'm completely opposed to them... :P (and if you know much about Georgia.. her family all went to [and love] Georgia Tech, but I'm applying to UGA. If you don't know Georgia.. they're basically the two biggest universities and they are huge rivals.) But I'm slowly gaining their trust (a painful and tricky process). What her parents think about you matters a lot, but that doesn't mean you need to change who you are. They're going to give you some heat about they way you dress and stuff like that, but as long as you're polite (you don't sound like the kind of guy who swears openly in front of people) and respectful you should be ok. Your girlfriend accepted you for who you are, her parents should do the same. You have to bring across that you have a decent personality, however you dress. But I really think its her place to tell them. I mean, they're her parents after all. Hope that helped.

Answer 3

My husband asked my dad when they were out at the grill one day. If you want to ask the parents first, just tell them in a private, quiet setting how much you love their daughter and then tell them your intentions. Maybe you could meet withthem for dinner or just call and stop over sometime when they have some time to talk to you. Good luck!

PS if you want to pop the question to your girlfriend as a surprise, don't ask her parents with her standing right there!Talk to the parents alone and make the engagement a surprise to your g/f!

Answer 4

It is quite an archaic tradition that unless you feel deeply compelled to speak to her parents first, I would ask your girlfriend, then go together and tell your parents that you are engaged.

My fiance and I did this, and his Mum was thrilled because she had always said she wanted to be surprised when her kids got enganged she didn't want to know before hand.

It also depends on her and your relationship with the parents.

In some ways I feel like asking them first is asking their permission, if you are adults its a choice you make for yourselves, without interference but with support from family.
It may also give your in laws the idea that they are welcome to make contributions (often unwlecome and unwarranted) in your relationship.

I'm not that close with my father although we get along he wasn't a large part of my childhood, so i didn't feel he had any right in giving my partner his permission.

That all sounds very negative, but congratulations and ultimately make a choice that you and your g/f will be pleased with. If you g/f is like most, she will be thrilled you ask no matter how you do it.

Answer 5

I think it is wonderful that you want to have your girlfriend's parents involved right from the beginning! the traditional way would be to speak to her father, or father and mother and ask for her "hand" in marriage and their blessing. Then, surprise her, any way you want, but I do know one friend who totally threw his girlfriend off the trail by inviting the whole family to dinner somewhere really nice and got down on one knee and asked her, you could also do that AND have the ring pressented to her in a special dessert. It will be something she will never ever forget! Good Luck

Answer 6

I agree with other posters who say it is your girlfriends choice, so you should ask her directly first. But I also believe in the gesture, for gesture sake. IF they are the kind of parents who would appreciate the gesture and would look favorably on you for doing it, by all means ask them! It is purely a gesture, not an actual question. Of course they are going to say yes!
Just be simple and honest, no need to be flowery with your words. Tell them you love her, and you want to make a life with her.

Answer 7

The proper form of etiquette goes something like this:

Sir, may I speak to you in private? Over the past years you've known your daughter and I to get along famously. We've grown to know each others ways and learned and helped each other grow together. With my new job and career in _________ I'm able to provide a responsible and rewarding future. With that and your permission, I would be honored to ask for your daughters hand in marriage.

Answer 8

I think it would be very admirable on your part.
Her parents would respect you for discussing this with them. If they bless the marriage, then you will feel really good about the proposal.
If you do this, you should call them and arrange a time and place that you would like to meet, don't just drop by.
good luck dear.

Answer 9

You are so sweet!
Tell them without your girlfriend around. Speak directly to your girlfriend's father and just spit it out. (That's what my brother did earlier this year)
You might say something like "Sir, I love your daughter more than anything and I would like very much for her to be my wife. May I have your blessing?"

Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 10

That whole process is a little antiquated really especially if it's been a long term relationship and you've already had plenty of contact with the family, but if it's something you must do, just call them up or pull them aside during one of the family events and then ask her some time later on.