My Friend Can't Say "Thank You"?

Question

So my friend's daughter's birthday is coming up soon (she will be 4) and I asked my friend if she liked homemade jam so I can send it to her and she said yes in the email and didn't say thank you. I also asked in another email what store she shopped at Walmart or Target (she knew it was for a birthday gift) and she said "Target" but she didn't say a thank you.
I also talked about my natural healing abilities (she did not know this before because we haven't talked in awhile) with her because with my abilities, I can and have sent her distance healing in which I talked about in another email. She said that healing helped but she did not say thank you either.
I've known my friend since elementary school but since we live in different states, our main communication is email.
How do I get a "thank you" from her without asking her directly to say "thank you".
Constructive advice is appreciated. Thank you in advance!

PS. I know some people weren't raised good manners, etiquette or have any common sense. I understand that and people do make mistakes.
Just looking for constructive advice for my question.

I have asked this question before and will continue asking it because I just need more responses. Thank you.

Sorry but I do not feel like listening to advice that sounds like it's attacking me. I don't think there are stupid questions, just stupid answers.

Answer 1

It is truly sad that we have known a person all this time and still they do not how to express their appreciation with simple acts of kindness. You are a good person and I am sure she is very blessed to have you as a friend.

If you've known her since elementary school and you are now both mature - maybe you can talk and discuss this (or send her an e-mail) informing your friend that you need some assurance coming from her that your efforts in treasuring the friendship is not wasted. Assurance that she somehow appreciates your simple gestures and the time/energy you devote to her. I am sure the feeling is mutual - its just that she doesn't know how to express it.

Initiate the open communication and do let her know how important this friendship is to you.

Answer 2

Well if you don't want to talk to her about it (which I actually reccommend that you DO talk to her about it), then I would just leave it alone if I were you. You can set the example by constantly showing her you saying Please and Thank You, and just hope that you rub off on her. If she doesn't get the hint, then I would call her up and talk to her about it. Just make sure she knows that you aren't trying to hurt her feelings, but YOUR feelings get hurt when it seems she doesn't care enough to be polite and say "Thank You". Ask her what she has against being polite and thankful towards someone who has done a good deed for you? If she is really as good of a friend as you seem to think she is, she will be apologetic, and understanding, and you guys could easily talk this through. This is really a good test of the true depth of your friendship, because if she isn't nice about you approaching her about this, then she isn't worth being friends with and doing those nice things for in the first place, and you can find someone more worthy of your gifts and good deeds.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

I think you took the personal aspect out of it by sending trying to elicit these 'thank you's' by email. Maybe your friend really didn't like the jam, sorry to say, or doesn't truly agree that your distance healing worked. You may have known her since school, but there's a lot of time and distance between you. I just don't think you really are as close as you think, or would like to be. I do agree that a lot of people do not know sipmle etiquette, but this is more than that. Real friends don't need someone thanking them for every single thing. They automatically know how much what they do is appreciated. I honestly think you're the one looking for positive reinforcement for whatever insecurities you have, sorry...

Answer 4

My question would be 'Why is it so important to get a thank you?'

Is this truly a 'friend', or is it someone that has drifted apart from you? Are you trying to keep a dying relationship alive through email? Did she have a habit of thanking you, and it just fell off? Does she say 'thank you' on the phone and use different etiquette when emailing?

There are WAY too many varibles here to tell you what the problem might be, but deeds done in the TRUE spirit of friendship don't require a 'thank you'.

Answer 5

Well, it's hard to believe she wouldn't thank you for homemade jam or distance healing. At the end of you emails, give her an emphatic thank you and a sentence of appreciation about your friendship and see if she takes cue on the hint.

By the way, although I am not sure I am a believer, I wouldn't mind distance healing for a broken heart. I live in Pacifica, CA if you need to send it to a certain location.

Answer 6

If you are really her friend and if it bothers you, then point it out or get over it. You are probably not the only one who sent something, so maybe your friend just forgot to thank you. It happens. You talk to her about Target, Walmart and so on to coax her into a thank you??? Don't beat around the bush, ask her if the jam arrived and if her daughter likes it. Then maybe you get your thank you.
If the birthday has not arrived yet, then well, you parcel may not have gotten opened, so no wonder she hasn't thanked you. This is not about you but a 3-year old child.

Answer 7

Actually, what I would do if I were in your situation, is I would just know that it's ok to do things for others with or without any "thank-you's". That should not be such a big focus when you do things for others. Yes, it is nice to be thanked, but some people just aren't into saying thank you to close friends, its usually implied. If you are good friends, try not to let that bother you so much, just feel good about the kindness that you have been able to give to your friend, that should be enough. I hope this helps.

Answer 8

Maybe she didn't really want the Jam and didn't want to hurt your feeling by telling you NO. As for the shopping thing it was just a question and I don't see a thank you necessary. The healing thing maybe is something that she doesn't believe in and as before just didn't want to hurt your feelings.
But If I wanted to bring it to her attention that she is not saying thank you I would do it when she was dealing with someone else. Like if someone else done something for her I would ask her did she Thank Them.
Sometimes little things are hard for people like thank you's and I love you, etc,etc.

Answer 9

Not all people were raised with manners. I have a friend that never says bye on the phone, she just hangs up and I use to get irritated, but it's who she is. I think you should just accept your friend for the way she is, if she is a true friend you should be able to get past this. Does she ever do anything nice for you? If yes I say let it go, if No then you need to stop sending her anything.

Answer 10

I used to be upset by the same thing you've just described.

As you well know, you can't ever 'change' someone, you can only change yourself/your response.

This is what I did: if I give someone something... advice...money...a dinner...a drink...etc... I do so without expecting 'Thanks'.

If THEY ask me for something or whatever, I do expect a thank you; however, if I find it's a pattern (I do the strike 3 you're out, rule) I actually stop doing the person favours etc...

So, to sum up: If I CHOOSE to do something out of my own free will..... I don't necessarily expect a thanks.