Respecting your parents ....?

Question

The Torah (or old testament to Christians) says that you must obey your parents. This is where my question stems. My biological mother abandoned me when I was 2 years old. She stood in front of a judge and said word for word "I do not want that child." My father remarried and his wife raised me - I respect her and think of her as my mother.

Now the problem arises - my biological mother has returned and she demands that I spend time with her. She even had the nerve to tell me that I cannot call my step-mother mom (I do anyways). I do not want a relationship with this woman - she did not see me worthy of her love 18 years ago so I do not see a reason to even recognize her. However the Torah (OT) and 10 commandments says to honor and obey your parents. Biologically she is my mother - emotionally she is not. What do I do?

I do treat her with respect. I have never said how I really feel to her. I have been subjective. But I feel that she needs to back off a little and realize that she made a mistake. I have forgiven her. I forgave her a long time ago. But by her telling me how I should handle my relationship with my step-mother I feel as if she is respecting my step-mother and I do not want to stand for that.

disrespecting my step-mother*

Answer 1

There are cases of abandonment, and abuse as we all know. Your step mother is a blessing to you. I am sure you are aware of that. You can explain to your bio mom, that her decision years ago, put you in the care of your step mother, that you grew to love and accept as your mother. You can even go as far as to tell your bio mom that you respect the fact that she gave you life, but that is as far as you wish to go with a relationship with her, (if this is truly how you feel.) You have nothing to feel guilty about whatsoever. Remember, to honor your parents can mean to respect the life they give you. Say what you need to, and say it calmly and without animosity. Also pray to God about it.

Answer 2

Treat her with dignity and respect, but you do not have to have a relationship with her if you don't want. Just tell her so as gently and firmly as you can.

I always thought that part meant something along the lines of, live your life as a good person so that your parents would be honored to have you as a child.

It doesn't really go into detail about what to do about dysfunctional situations, and frankly I think does a disservice by the omission.

Answer 3

I believe the Torah defines a parent (where it outlines the parent's duties to the children) as the one who raises you. (Do NOT quote me on this.) Who fed you, clothed you, educated you in the way of Torah, educated you period? Your stepmom is your real mom. Your biological mother is your biological mother. Anyone can be a mother, but it takes something special to be a mom.

In my humble opinion.

I hope you find peace in this

Answer 4

Your biological mother gave up her rights in court when you were 2. AND by the looks of things - she's NOW not interested in you as a person, rather as a trophy or something.

All I'd suggest that you have a responsibility to understand WHY she did left you years ago (job? finding herself? what?) and why she's chosen now to reach out.

You obviously respect your step-mom

.

Answer 5

Being older isn't right now a reason to understand somebody. in spite of the shown fact that, you will desire to accord somebody resoect till there's a stable reason to not. understanding youngsters, the excuses you do not understand your parents is probably not stable ones - my brother did not understand our parents and there became into no stable reason in the back of it, although he concept there became into. i think of that is unhappy while kinfolk's combat, regardless of the reason, in spite of which occasion, determine or baby, is at fault. possibly you will stumble on a greater effective thank you to decide for the undertaking and discover some mutual understand somewhat than merely disrespecting them. 2 wrongs do not make a acceptable.

Answer 6

You don't have to honor her and obey what she says if her requests are unreasonable but you could try and forgive her. I think that's really important because it means that you could one day have a relationship with her.
But if you can't then that's the way it is and God's hardly going to send you to hell for not doing that.
And, she's not really your mother either. She's the one who had you but she's not the one who raised you and that's really who your mother is.

Answer 7

Many parents are clueless or worse..it is a human being's job to survive childhood and become a better person than their parents. If respect is deserved-fine. But bigoted, abusive, intolerant parents deserve contempt. Genesis, book 3, story of Moe.

Answer 8

I would consider the woman who raised me to be my mother and respect her as such.

I would also try to let go of the ( justifiable ) anger and treat the woman who gave birth to me with the same respect I would afford any human.

Answer 9

Well as your 18 your bioillogical "mother" can talk all day and into the night. You are your own man now. Do not worry about this. (As I hope you are already.)
YOU USE YOUR COMMON SENSE. A book won't protect your mother from this woman.
Keep "bio" away from your real mother.

Answer 10

Just because she unwillingly donated an egg to your creation does not make her your Mother. You have a mom. The step mom that helped raise you. Get away from this other person. Just because you have DNA from someone, does not make them a parent.

I'm sorry that you have to experience this. I think it sucks!