When both of my kids moved out, I was upset. I had the empty nest syndrome. I cried off and on and I still get lonely, but not as bad as I was 5 months ago. My son came to visit and it was nice having him here.
My daughter came home for a visit at the same time, and I couldnt wait for her to leave. It brought back old memories of her drama and her immaturity. She started manipulating almost from the minute she walked in the front door.
I thought she was going to end up spending another nite here and I just wanted her to go home. She has put me thru a lot. It was so bad my 22 y.o. son will not even talk to her. He ignores her. I try to be good and kind, but she knows how to rattle my chain. There is still a lot of untold anger here.
Do you think I am abnormal or do most parents want their kids to get on with their lives?
2007-09-22 17:39:42 · 11 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I raised my 2 kids alone from the time my daughter was 11 mo old and my son was 3. Their dad cheated and married another woman.
2007-09-22 18:07:36 · update #1
You are being very normal. They start off so cute and unable to talk so we keep them. Then they grow to be teenagers and after years of that they are finally "grown up" and you are more than willing to have them making their own life or want to push them out the door. That is when it time for the grandkids! Enjoy all the fun parts of kids and then give them back to mom and dad.
You may have issues with your daughter, but how you feel is like every other parent I know.
My oldest daughter moved out last year and it was like a breath of fresh air went through my home. She is a button pusher too.
My oldest son is still home but he is not as annoying as my daughter was, he is a rare type of teen I think, and I look forward to him moving out just so I can see him spread his wings.
2007-09-22 17:53:12 · answer #1 · answered by Just Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course not! You are going through the exact same feelings everybody else has. You cried during the empty nest syndrome because you missed them. Turning a new chapter in life is sometimes hard because you have to close the old one. But, then you discovered your own groove and became happy being on your own. You got used to living on your own, then your kids came back and you discovered that you liked living on your own! Your daughter is your daughter, and you will always love her. Living away from her will be good - she will discover that she has to grow up. I've had a good relationship with my mom, but I know that if I moved back in with her, we'd drive each other crazy. I go back to visit, and of course she's happy that I visit, but I think she's glad when I leave. I understand how she feels perfectly!
2007-09-22 17:47:56 · answer #2 · answered by lordmisrule2004 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that its very normal, my adopted mom has some of the same problems, she has 3 kids, all in their 30's and only 1 of them has a life of his own. The other 2 have their own homes, but they cant "live" without "mom" HELPING them out. She has lost a "few good men" because of them, so she is starting to make them fend for themselves. I keep telling her that she is doing the right thing, because they will never learn how to take care of themselves if she doesnt!!
The next time that your daughter comes for a visit you should lay down some ground rules, that its your home, and you make the rules in it...but she is more than welcome to visit. After all, when she gets older, and gets her own place, she will feel the same way!!
2007-09-22 17:55:35 · answer #3 · answered by MrsDeeSmothers 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me you are just fine, I have 2 sons, my youngest,22 years old, left for approx. 6 months, I, like you, were sad for awhile. Then I got used to my new life of freedom and loved it. Now he has been back home for a month and I cannot wait for him to leave again. You get used to a routine and the quiet, and the lack of drama, and doing what you want, when you want, and how you want. We deserve that, we worked hard all these years raising our children, and now should be our time for ourselves. It does not mean I don't love him, we just have very different lifestyles and priorities, He totally agrees with me, as he says to me, Mom, I would take a bullet for you, I love you, but I can't wait to leave. You know what, it is wonderful to be in total agreement about something with your child for once. So please do not feel guilty, millions of parents feel the same way. I wish you peace and happiness. We are all as normal as it gets.
2007-09-22 17:57:41 · answer #4 · answered by quagmire1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Quick, change the locks! Sweetie, I have 7 of them (ages 15yrs to 16 mos) and one spouse. I love them all dearly but I enjoy them more when they are somewhere else! Go have some fun, explore some hobbies or just enjoy the fact that you will always know where the remote is and you can watch what you want to on the TV for a change.
2007-09-22 17:48:55 · answer #5 · answered by C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think most parents want to have a good relationship with their kids. At the same time, they want them to have their own lives and be happy. I think it would be safe to bet that when your daughter has her first child your relationship will change. She will realize what she put you through, how challenging motherhood can be and everything you did for her. Until then, it seems like this is the way it will be. Good for you that you see her efforts to control and manipulate. It will help you to be unaffected by it. Good luck.
2007-09-22 17:48:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can remember my dad saying to us kids."I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU KIDS TO GET GROWN ,AND MOVE OUT OF HERE"
but you know what, now he tells us "how bout coming to see me and mama" or "don't you kids want to move your trailers up here on our land".
no, you are not wrong for feeling this way, some parents are glad to see children go on with their lives. right now you are enjoying the peace and quiet of no kids at home. and yes, some children will try you even after they leave home. maybe your daughter has some hostile feelings toward u for some unknown reason. just be patient, she will grow out of this and you will learn to enjoy having all your kids around you eventually. good luck!
2007-09-22 18:01:44 · answer #7 · answered by Rosetta 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i don't know what the issues are and it can date way back, but my mom and me don't get along, it's just very superficial and we both try to be nice. in my heart i hope she loves me but know that we are better not under the same roof. there are so many isuues that dates way back starting with me being born the wrong birth order, wrong personality, and the scapegoat for her, etc...etc. it dates way back, and i do act up and seem irresponsible to them but there's alot of anger.
we try to be friendly but the relationship is not deep.
and she wasn't ready to have me but felt she had to, this emotional crisis started even before i was born. i was just born at the wrong time but my siblings came at the right time.
2007-09-22 17:58:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Healthy parents like you want their kids to get on with their lives.
2007-09-22 18:10:08 · answer #9 · answered by traceilicious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to your daughter about this, tell her shes irritating you and YOUR the mother. if she starts to irritate you even more enforce the rules.
if all else fails, settle it by A NICE LONG ARGUEMENT. you need to deal with it sooner or later. cometo a compromise.
2007-09-22 17:48:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋