Answering Machine Messages!!!!?

Question

Suicide Hotline...please hold.

Susan and I are not here
right now. We're in the
bathroom having some fun.
She likes it up and down and
I like it back and forth. Leave
a message at the beep and
we'll get back to you as soon
as we're finished brushing
our teeth. Thank you.

Thank you for calling
555-2322. If you wish to
speak to Tim, push 1 on
your touch tone phone now.
If you wish to speak to Lynn,
push 2 on your touch tone
phone now. If you have a
wrong number, push 3 on
your touch tone phone now.
All of this button pushing
doesn't do anything, but it is
a good way to work off
anger, and it makes us feel
like we have a big time
phone system.

Thank you for calling Santa's
workshop. Santa can't come
to the phone right now, and
the elves are out back
barbecuing Blitzen. After the
tone, please leave your
Christmas list, and maybe
we'll get back to you!

it wouldnt lemme put anymo sry

Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you
The roses have wilted, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head
The roses stink, sorta like sheep
But leave your name, number, and message after the beep
The roses are molding, the violets are rotten
And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten

We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out!

"Hello? ...Hello? ...Hellooo? I'm sorry, you're gonna have to speak
up, I can't hear you... That's 'cuz I'm not home! Leave a message.
BEEP."


You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone"


This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. If you don't wish this call to be monitored or recorded, then please let the answering machine know when you leave your message.

Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.

BEEP Hello, this is WVKE, you're on the air.

hi you've reached the home of (name) also known as 007 agents if you get this machine we are probably saving the world this tape will self destruct in 5...4...3...2...1... (BEEP)

Hi! Jan's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hi!! You've reached Janet and Chris's room. We're not in right now. If this is our parents, we're at the library studying. Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's the ticket. If this is John, Chris is out with the girls at the party. Yeah, that's it. If this is any one else, we're at a party and you're not. Yeah, a party with the president. Yeah and the... Pope. Yeah that's it.

Hi, you have reached _(phone number)__ you have a chance to win one million dollars if you can answer the following 1. What is your name? 2. What is your phone number? 3. Why did you call this number?
Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 2.05. Counting down to test: 5...4...3...2...1...

Rub-a-dub-dub, Just got in the tub, Rick is out playing; the kids are misbehaving, and can't come to the phone.

Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message BEFORE the tone.

(Classical music:) This is our answering machine. (Switch to heavy metal racket:) This is our answering machine on drugs. (Silence...) Any message?

(Italian Mafia-style voice:) I can't come to the phone right now. Me and Guido are trying to stuff a body in the trunk. I think we're going to have to size it a little... (Aside:) HEY GUIDO! GET THE CHAINSAW! Anyways, leave your name and a message. If I like it, you'll hear from me. If not, you'll hear from Guido! (Laughter.)

Answer 1

Lol good one and new one a star for u :-)

Answer 2

(over muted helicopter sounds)
sorry we're not in right now, we are 2,000 feet up and about to test the theory that cats will always land on their feet!
leave a message at the beep,...oww! leggo kitty come back here,....

Answer 3

a number of my favorites: The President isn't in his place of work immediately. Please depart your call, telephone huge type, the call of the country you desire to invade, and the secret password. Vancouver Coast safeguard, would I help you. (Caller thinks that he/she by danger dialed long distance. it is the Literacy Self attempt Hotline. After the tone, depart your call and huge type, and recite a sentence making use of right this moment's vocabulary word. right this moment's word is "supercilious". you have reached the Suicide Prevention Hotline. All our lines are busy now, yet once you depart your call and huge type, somebody gets lower back to you as quickly as conceivable. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. in case you're obsessive-compulsive, please press a million persistently. in case you're co-based, please ask somebody to press 2. in case you have distinctive personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and six. in case you're paranoid-delusional, all of us comprehend who you're and what you like. merely stay on the line till we are in a position to hint the call. in case you're schizophrenic, hear heavily and a sprint voice permit you to comprehend which huge type to press. in case you're manic-depressive, that is not appropriate which huge type you press. no person will answer.

Answer 4

The first was by far the best.

Answer 5

i dont get it but a star cuzz u tried lol

Answer 6

cool!! star!! heres one a friend told me: Roses are red, Vileots are blue,suger is sweet the hell with you. (sticking out the the.... mi___ fin_e_!!!!!) i don't really mean it please don't be mad i was just showing ya!

Answer 7

haha, love them!
i used to have the ''hello, hello, i cant hear you'' one .. everyone always got mad at me so i had to change it!

Answer 8

Great!!! Loved them!!

Answer 9

lol those are cute but i like the first one! lol

Answer 10

nice!!!!