I visit my ex on a regular basis. We talk on the phone, even go to lunch from time to time. We are both remarried and are not trying to get back together. We were married got divorced and now we are the best of friends. My wife trust me completely but her husband thinks I want her back regardless of what I tell him. So am I wrong to have her as a good friend?
2007-09-22 16:42:50 · 34 answers · asked by tony h 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ihave seen several great answers that go either way. I realize I left out some KEY INFORMATION to this question so I do apologize.......
we do have children together, I always communicate with him, visit when he is there, I am very rarely alone with her. I visit when he, the kids or other family members are there. We are in no way sexually involved. As I told him my kids welfare depends on the mother and him so If in any kind of a financial bind to let me know what If anything they need me to help out with.
\for those who thought I was trying to recapture lost passion...it.s not like that. When under the same roof we are at each other's throat we only co-exist apart. We became best friends after the divorce.
I have so far reviewed 5 answers that I liked. 3 that say I am wrong 2 say I am not. A little more information will help with the decisions.
I want to thank all for their time and answers
2007-09-23 10:02:44 · update #1
this guys worried cuz ur the kind of guy who cud be best frends with ur x but not a husbend to her... in other words hes scared that ur hanging around cuz ur interested in him not her... lol
2007-09-22 17:06:07 · answer #1 · answered by Gold Digger 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
It's weird. U know, because most want to marry their best friend(if of the opposite sex), and well, it seems u did. But u guys weren't compatible like that, so u split, and got together with other people. But I can see her husband's insecurity. U've already had an intimate physical relationship with this woman, now u have an emotional one. Who's to say she won't want u back? Who's to say in a weak moment, u won't want her back? Who's to say stuff won't happen accidentally between u two? what if u wonder what might've been? People get remarried to the same people because of this connection they develop after a divorce, and they think they can make it work this time. U should respect her husband's wishes and let her go. He should be her top priority. U don't want to be the cause of their unhappiness, or worse, another divorce, for her. It's hard, but that's the right thing to do.
2007-09-22 16:53:10 · answer #2 · answered by Uncertain Soul 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this situation, you really should be more sensitive. You and your ex have an intimate past together. Her husband finds it threatening that you still are friends because of this intimate past. I would like to see you distance yourself more and more over time so she and you can both move on in your present marriages. It is wonderful, though, that the 2 of you are not at each others throats. That's refreshing for a change on here. Maybe, just maybe, the 2 couples could do more things together, rather just you and the ex.
2007-09-22 16:51:23 · answer #3 · answered by gma 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If it is causing a problem in her relationship, she should be asking the questions or doing something to rectify it. Your lives should be busy enough not to visit on a "regular" basis. There's probably something you could each be doing at your respective homes. If your wife's ex becomes her best friend and they do as you do, I'm sure it'll be okay as well. And what does she do when you are visitng with your ex?
2007-09-22 16:52:34 · answer #4 · answered by Tonya R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have definitely hit the nail on the head.
Funny how one has to be divorced before being friends and like you say no romantism involved. Some people just can't live peacably together but apart develop into a great friendship......elisayn
2007-09-23 15:06:00 · answer #5 · answered by elisayn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong with it. I am not "best" friends with mine, but we are on friendly terms. My divorce was one of the few amicable divorces I know of. Apparently, yours is as well. Amicable divorces are few and far between, real ones anyway. The problem is one of jealousy and insecurity. Her new husband fits the bill for jealous insecurity, which is actually better called paranoia I think. He thinks, wrongfully, you are out to get him. His mind is closed and he will not ever be open to reason. You might try to modify things a bit, defuse the situation, don't be alone with her for example. Avoid doing things which the guy will see as a threat. Unless, of course, you really want to trade on his paranoia... I know a guy who got a perverse amount of enjoyment torturing his ex's new husband who had the same kind of paranoid tendencies and I got a perverse amount of enjoyment witnessing these things... but then this guy I know didn't part on good terms with his ex and honestly did not care if she lived or died. He did it to get to the other guy she had left him for...
2007-09-22 17:15:33 · answer #6 · answered by rowlfe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly there is nothing wong with being friends but the kind of friendship the both of you have is grounds for trouble trust me i've being there you do not intend to be with her but in times of trouble with your current wife she would most likely be the one you turn to instead of your wife this things are tricky. i mean keep her as a friend and all; but start investing all this "best friend time" with your wife talk to the ex or visit once in a blue moon respect her husband's concern trust me you don't want any messy situations. cheers
2007-09-22 17:03:23 · answer #7 · answered by Versacetica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
somtimes people make better friends than lovers. I dont think anything is wrong with it. I am really great friends with my ex. And both of us have moved on but still chat on a regular basis. I would talk to your ex and see if she can straighten things out. Best of luck, it would suck to lose a great friend over a jealous husband.
2007-09-22 17:01:03 · answer #8 · answered by whatever 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes and no....if you deep down inside, really stll have feeling for her, then you need to be honest with yourself....
Also, think back to when you were married to her...how would you have felt if she had an ex-husband as a good friend? andbe honest to yourself....
There is a thin level of why it is wrong...if you have kids together, then it makes sense why you have to be friends but contact and time together should only be for the kids sake.
The new husband has the right to not want his wife's ex to be her friend....its just not natural...also, even the bible teaches us that married and single people shouldn't spend lots of time together because they are on different paths.....
ok, this probably seemed like a lot of bable, so my short answer is yes, there is something wrong...
2007-09-22 16:51:26 · answer #9 · answered by no_me_no_u 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you were such great friends, you should have stayed married. Its very expensive to get a divorce.
You are wrong to think you are good friends. Good friends dont get a divorce.
Move on and get over it. Leave it in the past.
2007-09-22 17:09:38 · answer #10 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everything
why do you need to have your ex as a friend?
why do you need a female friend and her a male
sooner or later it will end in sex
there is no reason you cannot find some other unrelated women to be friends with if you really need it
being cordial is one thing ( in cases of children )
being friends when both are married is quite another
new relationships mean you discard past bad ones ( after all you divorced for a reason ) and start fresh with your new partner, staying friends with the ex only opens the door to sex
2007-09-22 16:51:15 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋