My personal feeling is that having a sexual relationship between the same sex is against God's plan of salvation. (LDS)
However, I think I am at least tolerant of it. In the past I have had many wonderful friends who have choosen to live differently then how I believe we should.
I am a little nervous though because my teenager step daughter is dating a girl and I have mixed feelings on what I should be teaching my daughter.
I don't want to hurt my step daughters feelings (i don't want her to feel not welcome in our home or accpected) but I feel that it is my duty to teach my daughter God's teaching (including loving one another).
As of right now, I have asked my hubby to not allow his daughter to bring her girlfriend to our house until I figure out how I should handle this.
What do you think? How would you handle this...
2007-09-22 13:22:22 · 11 answers · asked by <3 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I wouldn't care if my kids grew up to be gay. I believe everyone has the right to love whoever they want.
2007-09-22 13:35:37 · answer #1 · answered by S 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Well, how I would personally handle it would be to welcome my step-daughter and her date into my home without any reservations, and I'd teach my daughter that people are people, and deserve the same love and respect whether gay or straight.
But since we're starting from very different world views, how about this: if your daughter's a toddler, I guarantee she's not thinking about sex, so she's not going to be making a lot of connections about these older girls, anyway. Gay or straight, teenagers should not be making out in front of their toddler siblings. So it probably doesn't make the smallest bit of difference to your daughter whether the girlfriend is there or not. On the other hand, it would probably make a world of difference to your stepdaughter to feel accepted for who she is. So tell your stepdaughter that of course you expect (as you would if she had a boyfriend) that there's no PDA in your house. And then tell her you love her and let her bring her girlfriend if she wants. As your daughter gets older you can teach her that love and tolerance win out even when you don't agree with all the decisions that your stepdaughter makes.
2007-09-22 14:21:13 · answer #2 · answered by ... 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i would teach your daughter that even parents or in your case step parents make mistakes. By not allowing your "step" daughter (and yes you make sure it is clear- step) the freedom to bring her girlfriend into your home, you in my opinion are making a mistake. You say "I think I am at least tolerant of it. In the past I have had many wonderful friends who have chosen to live differently then how I believe we should." well that sounds a bit hypocritical! Its okay for your friends but not your husbands daughter?? I would think that you would love your step daughter as if she were your own, and in doing so should be behind her regardless of choices. You do not have to agree with her but don't deny your other daughter the right to know about differences! You act like you are trying to protect your youngest but again in my opinion your will just end up teaching her that its not okay to accept someone for being different. By the way by asking your husband to not allow her girlfriend into the house not only are you probably making her unaccepted by you, and probably uncared for and frankly not understood but dragging her father into it is pretty low! Now aside from my opinion above why don't you try taking a step back, and try to understand that EVERYONE is different. Try teaching your toddler that it is okay, teach her that she doesn't have to agree with everyone else's choices but that doesn't make them wrong. If nothing else as her to have respect for you (not that you seem to have much for her or her feelings) and your beliefs and not act inappropriately in front of her baby sister. I think that shed understand that a little bit more than the way you are handling the situation now!
2016-05-21 02:17:45 · answer #3 · answered by esther 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, how old is your daughter? Is she even old enough to recognize a straight relationship let alone a same sex coupling? It's somewhat mean to ask your husband to tell his daughter not to come into the home, that means he has to be the bad guy in this situation, and he looses time with his older child, and that's not fair to either of them right now. Teach your daughter (when she's old enough) tolerance, because I've found that no matter how hard you push your own beliefs, children are going to grow up into adults that have their own opinions regardless of what their parents want them to think.
2007-09-22 13:52:38 · answer #4 · answered by Zyggy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, you seem to think your tolerant.....but we all see you have put your friendships with people who live differently than you in the past. Why is that.
I am answering based on my own experiences. I have joint custody of my daughter. Her father and I have a bi-weekly custody agreement. She spends a week with me and my new husband and a week with her father and his boyfriend. She doesn't seem to even think anything about her situation is abnormal.
Children don't have the same preconceived notions as adults do. I don't believe you trying to shelter your toddler is going to do any amount of good, but rather harm in the long run.
You can't raise children to only like people who are the same as them. Would you feel the same if you step-daughter was dating a man of a different race? It's virtually the same principal. Since they are different they are to be shunned by you.
It is your duty to teach your daughters (step and biological) God's teachings (including loving one another). You love someone for WHO they are, NOT WHAT they are or WHO they chose to love. It's also God's teaching that we aren't to pass judgment on others. But to treat others as you wish to be treated.
Reverse the roles for a minute.....would you like to be treated this way. Probably not.
2007-09-22 15:21:30 · answer #5 · answered by blevins2147 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
At that age, she wont know the difference. You can just refer to th gf as your step daughters friend. When your daughter is older or asks, just explain that while you dont believe that its right because of what the bible says, the bible also says that its our job not to judge others and to love our neighbors as ourselves. Judging is God's job, and it gets complicated when we try to step in and fill that position. :) Just be welcoming and loving and teach your child to be the same way, to all people, not just those whose lives fall in line with our belief system. Lead by example, and thats the best way you can teach your daughter.
God bless and good luck.
2007-09-23 11:50:54 · answer #6 · answered by **0_o** 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I understand that you have your beleifs. I think you are teaching your son to 'tolerate' people that are 'wrong' and 'sinful'. That is my opinion. I am a single mom that has never been married and let me tell you... having someone tolerate you, giving you acceptence on the basis of forgivenss and mercy. that feels really really bad. That is not true love or acceptance. You can teach your child between right and wrong, but you may also be teaching him to label people as 'good and bad' which will make him a judgmental person
2007-09-22 14:07:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why not teach your daughter tolerance? Tell her God makes everyone different, and while most women fall in love with men (and vice versa), sometimes it doesn't turn out that way. You may want to do a little more research on your stepdaughter's "choices." Sexual orientation is not a choice; it's something a person is born with. Your daughter is not going to be "influenced" by her sister to be a lesbian.
With all due respect, you really don't sound as tolerant as you think you are. Your first sentence said it all. In another post, you also said you were into sex/drugs as a teenager. Does that mean you're not going to be "saved" now? Something to think about.
Furthermore, if you don't want to hurt your stepdaughter or make her feel unwelcome, try accepting the special person in her life and getting to know her a little.
2007-09-22 13:44:46 · answer #8 · answered by SoBox 7 · 3⤊ 3⤋
You should teach your daughter to accept everyone for who they are. Tell her what your beliefs are but that you accept anyone for who they are. Tell her it is ok for whatever way she feels and you will accept her no matter what. As for your older daughter influencing your younger daughters sexuality i would not worry as it is pre determined. If you do not believe that i respect that and so will give you real life stuff that may appeal to you more. Kids raised by gay parents do not have their sexuality changed and gay parents do have straight kids. So relax and just love your daughters for who they are.
2007-09-22 23:42:13 · answer #9 · answered by rabbit1986 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why not just use this relationship as a chance for you to teach your daughter about tolerance of others & their beliefs, whether they are beliefs/lifestyles that your church approves of or not.
2007-09-22 15:02:59 · answer #10 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow.. that is a problem.. it's good that you don't want to ruin things with your step-daughter.. and as of right now you are doing the right thing. asking your husband to tell her nicely is what i would do.. and then i'd go talk to her.. but plan out what you want to say.. start out by telling her how much you love her and that you don't want to hurt her but you think it would be better for everyone if her girlfriend stayed out of the house, not because you don't like her or anything.. but simply for your daughter's well being. [: good luck!
2007-09-22 13:36:47 · answer #11 · answered by JessBabyy. 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋