how do you tell a friend you don't want to be converted?

Question

i'm not 100% sure that's what he's attempting, but i figured i'd ask anyway. he knows i'm a pagan and at first he didn't seem to have a problem with it(he's christian.) but today he asks if i'm really an atheist, so i politely corrected him and told him that no i'm a pagan, and i believe in something, just not the same that he does. after that he asked me how that's working out for me. so i said it's good, i feel pretty at peace with what i believe. then he asks me to read a bible passage and tell him what i think about it later. he already knows that i was raised catholic and chose to believe something different. if he's getting at trying to make me believe that again, what's the best way to tell him no thanks without killing the friendship?

ps-don't tell me i need to be converted, unless it make you feel better. but i still won't.

Answer 1

All religions are pretty silly, aren't they. None can prove anything, without a holy book....it's all pretty spooky, isn't it?????? In the end, when we die, it is all over. So, have a lovely time with the 80 or so good years you get.... "When religion ruled the world, we called it the Dark Ages." It makes no difference what religion, nor what ages you wish to talk about.

If religion is a big deal to him, and as well to you, and those religions are different, your relationship will never survive.....

Answer 2

I had a few friends that did this. We would get into discussions about it, including reading the Bible. Only one of that group of 5 is still my friend. It depends on his attitude towards it and how you interact with that attitude (as well as any Bible passages he may throw at you). He may just be curious as to what you feel now compared to what you felt when you were a Christian. If you are wondering about this, then ask him outright what he is trying to do or what he means by bringing up the Bible. There is no guarantee that this will not kill the friendship (friendships are held by 2 people, not just one side or the other - so if it fails, do not feel that it is your fault or his, but see it as irreconcilable differences).

A lot of Christians make that mistake... confusing Pagan with Atheist, as many are brought up to believe that if a person does not believe in their God, then they don't believe in any. It's ignorance... but so long as he doesn't turn arrogant with it, then there's no reason to view the ignorance as willful or hateful.

Answer 3

Actually, the same thing is happening to me. I'm an atheist Buddhist, and my Christian friend has been recently trying to convert me to a Christian. She doesn't really know that i'm Buddhist, so she thinks that i'm completely un-religious. So, i guess i'll be telling her soon that i'm Buddhist, and maybe that'll help a bit. But, i could sense that she'd been trying to convert me for quite some time, but it only became really apparent when she gave me this little pamphlet on Jesus' life, by "Mark", and she asked me to read it and tell me what i thought of it. And then i told her that, after reading it, i had learnt some things about Jesus/Christianity that i hadn't known before, but "unfortunately" i'm still atheist, and i always will be atheist. She was disappointed, to say the least, and i felt bad because i don't like hurting her feelings, and i know that i can never become 'what she want me to be'.

oh yeah, she also doesn't know that i used to be Christian, so i guess i should tell her that too. lol, that'll make things wierd, huh?

oh yeah, sorry i didn't really answer your question.... i just felt that i needed to get that off my chest.

As to what to do? well, since i'm in the same situation, i really don't know what i should do. After that 'incident' she has kind of 'layed off' the conversion, and is just acting normally around me now. But, i know that it'll probably come up again in future....

I guess, you (and I) should just lightly and gently stress to our friend how we simply cannot be changed because we simply do not believe in what they believe. And, i guess i would also say that i have become Buddhist because i see that as the path to true spiritual enlightenment (and being Buddhist has done wonders to my mental and spiritual well-being), and that i'm am atheist because i just don't find the existance of gods to be plausable. It's not a very strong 'arguement', i know, but how do you convince someone so strong in their beliefs, that you simply do not believe what they do because you simply don't?

Answer 4

Well, if I knew what the passage was that he wanted you to read, it would make the answer easier. I think you should read it just to make sure of his motivations. You'd hate to get defensive about something he's not actually doing, right?

Presuming that the passage makes it apparent that he is trying to convert you, I would say something like "I did read the passage you suggested, and I think the more impporant question here is why you wanted me to read it. This is the holy book of Christianity, and you know I'm not Christian. That was a conscious choice I made, and I know you're trying to do me a favor, but you're really disrespecting my choice."

It may take him a bit, but if he's really your friend, he'll accept you as you are. And if he won't, if he'll only take you as a friend on his religious terms, then that's not really a friendship.

But do make sure that's his motivation before you get defensive. ;)

Answer 5

I think the best thing is to just tell him that you value his friendship, and that you've known religious discussion to break friendships up, and you don't want that to happen. Tell him that if he wants to discuss anything, you'll be happy to do so as long as it's accepted that neither is going to convert the other.

He may have heard crazy things, and really be curious because they don't jive with what he knows about you. Or, he may even be questioning his own religion, and wondering why you left and what you've found out. In fact, I really have a strong feeling that this might be the case. I think the Bible verse will give you a key to what's on his mind.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Tell him that you feel uncomfortable discussing religion, and you're afraid it might hurt your friendship. If he doesn't stop, end the friendship. A good friend respects your beliefs, and doesn't try to change them. And if he asks you to go to church with him, you have the right to refuse. One of my friends is a Christian, and she's tried the same type of thing as you're describing. But be polite, from his point of view, he's trying to "save" you. In a way, this shows he cares about you.

Answer 7

I found out in my life to be just honest and tell them. I had the same problem with someone from a cult who wanted to convert me and as long as I held off he kept trying and it just prolonged it all, turns out I did study with him and he started to ask questions of what i was saying so we used the bible and he became confused and left the cult. so it turned out the other way just by me being honest and we were still friends. Be honest if you have a friendship and it is for real you will still be friends without conversion.

Answer 8

Give the question back to him....Ask him his thoughts about the passage. if you want.....or you can just say...I'm not really in the mood to discuss religion at this time. Let's talk about something else...and keep this mantra every time he brings it up.

You have the right to say that you do not want to discuss a subject...and if he is mature, and a friend, he will respect your boundaries.

Answer 9

Ask him:

"You know I value our friendship, and it would be a shame to sacrifice that friendship due to the differences in our beliefs. I am perfectly willing to continue our friendship without regard to our differences in religious beliefs. Are you?"

Answer 10

Tell him that the biggest problem you have with some religions is that they have to push it instead of just letting people see the benefits for themselves.