Interracial problem?

Question

My daughter is 21, she has always dated white guys, she has been dating a man for three months, I was so mad, because she was so secretive...and that isn't like her, I would tell her, I want to meet this boy, what is his name....she gave me a fake name, well I have now met him....yes hes black..my daughter is in love with him, I am a very liberal person, this was a shock...but I am getting along well with my future son in law, the problem is , his family is against him marrying a white girl, I don't know how to go about getting close to someone that doesn't want my daughter in there family....its hard for me and my daughter, I am reaching out for help

Answer 1

If they both love each other then both families should accept that. You have and he needs to talk to his family and maybe you can all meet and try to get to know each other for the kids' sake.

Answer 2

If his family is prejudiced there is nothing you can do, except by example. Love this boy as your own, accept him and let him know that he is welcome. Not only will you win him over in all ways but you will be giving your daughter a chance for a happy marriage. I have two black, adult sons, adopted from birth. One married a white girl and has two beautiful sons the older married a black girl, and they have three beautiful children, two girls and a boy. If two people love each other that is what should matter ALSO if he treats her with love and respect, what else could you ask for. Don't let his family ruin their relationship and they won't as long as your daughter's family accepts him and takes in him in part of the family. The only question I have is, why did she want to hide him in the first place, was it because she knew you would be made (then show her now you are not) or was it because she felt embarassed about being seen with him. If it is the latter then it will end up by being NOT a good relationship. She has to always have been proud of him at all times, for all reasons.
I didn't mention, I am caucasian as so is my husband and we have a large family of adult, interacial sons and daughters. All are wonderful, and that is how the world should be.

Answer 3

First off I had to laugh when you said you are very liberal but you are shocked your daughter is dating a God forbid...black man!! Anyway I'm assuming he proposed and she accepted. Neither she nor he are marrying you and his parents. They are in the one's in love. And why can't you get close to him if he's a good person? His parents probably have some of the same liberal views as you when it comes to interracial relationships! So at least ya'll have something in common.

Let the future son in law make a decision on to what extent if any will he should involve his family into his new family. I wish you patience and understanding.

Answer 4

It's a difficult situation. First, if you are so liberal, and if you and your daughter had an open kind of relationship, she wouldn't have kept it a secret. One of those things is not true.
O.k., so you came to terms with it, you like the boy, whatever, the other family issue. First, they have been dating for 3 months and your daughter is 21! Geez! Why are you o.k. with marriage talk at this point? Don't entertain that with her. Not because of race, but because she needs to finish college, find out who she is and grow up. Be a liberal, be cool dad, but step up to the plate! Don't encourage marriage after 3 months!

Answer 5

It doesn't seem you where jumping for joy when you found out who your daughter was dating . So why would you think that his family would.

Good thing is you have come to accept your daughters choice and she should be happy for that, but you don't need too bother yourself with his family. If it is as serious as you say time will give way and the only thing you can do in the mean time is be as polite as you can and make your own personal efforts to get along with them when those occasions arrive.

Keeping a good relationship with him is the only thing you need to worry about. Your daughter is the most important thing and if she is happy then you should be happy for her. His family should feel the same with with him, but if they don't he will notice that you have accepted him with open arms and will respect you more for you open mind then his family's closed mind.

Answer 6

Dating a guy for three months and is future son-in-law? First off aren't you jumping the gun a little? As you see racism comes in all colors, and you and your daughter will either have to educate her boyfriends family or he will have to chose who he wants to be with. Time sometimes lessens the dislike for an individual, so I would not rush the wedding just yet.

Answer 7

Sometime in the past you must have given her the impression that you would not be impressed or supportive of her dating a person if their skin was a different pigment.

These things just don't come out of nowhere, her impression and her actions have roots stemming from something!

So put your emotions aside. Put them into a compartment and deal with them on your own.

Rent a good movie "Guess who's coming to dinner" with Sidney Poitier and Spencer Tracy. This movie deals with this EXACT issue and if you ever wanted to see a conflict and a resolution brought to life by realistic performers, this is one to watch closely.

Because ultimately it doesn't matter what other people think. Only that those two young bright people love each other, that's what matters!

Answer 8

First of all,3 months of dating may not be enough for marriage(maybe thats just me).Ok,your future son in law needs to be a man,make a decision and stick to it.If he wants your daughter let him make it clear to his family thats what he wants.You dont want an indecisive man in the ur daughters life.Plus I dont see why you wanna reach out to them,marriage is a union btw two families and both should make an effort to support the other.You really gotta be strong for your daughter emotionaly and at the same time have an open eye.Am in an interacial relationship(Am black,she's white) that at first everybody was against(especialy her dad and her friends) but with time came to support once we stood the test of time.The decision ultimately lies in both your daughter and her man...

Answer 9

You want to be close with his family? Ok let me let you in on something that has nothing to do with race....my oldest brother got married...and in his mind he thought that her parents and our parents should be the bestest of friends...and alls that did was drive our parents away from hers because they were completely different people. So because my mother didnt want to go to her parents house all the time and 'mingle' my brother threw a fit and for almost 3 years now has not talked to our mom.

But my opinion on this thing is this......you dont have to like them and they dont have to like you. You are there for your daughter and supporting her....it does not matter what others think. and if there is an occasion that everyone has to go to make it a nuetral area.

This is all the help i can give and i do honestly hope it makes some kind of sence for you. Best Of Luck

Answer 10

I'm a black woman so allow me to pour out a little bit of what I do know.

first allow me to apologize for the ignorance in the world today. I am black, but am totally ok with dating outside of my race. Now, as for the black family...well you need to first pray. God said he would make our enemies our footstool and he wasn't lying. If you pray, man, God will fix things in such a way, that the family won't know why or how, but they will all of a sudden love ya'll.
Then I would suggest inviting them to events. It all starts with the son. Invite him to stuff. Have a dinner. If they have something and it's family oriented try to go. Think of them on holidays and just whenever you feel the need to. Kill them with kindness! It won't be easy, but don't give up! You will reap the beauty you are trying to sow! ;-)

Answer 11

You don't have a problem - his family does. Go forward with love. Hopefully your daughter knows what she's marrying into. Nobody can do ANYTHING about how his family thinks or acts. You have no control there. And your daughter and her boyfriend have no control there. We only get to control ourselves. Go forward with love. It's all that you can control.

And - even if you didn't ask - I am going to say this. If she's only been dating him for three months - it's probably WAAAAAAY to early to be considering marriage.