anyone adopted? found a birthparent?

Question

I was adopted as an infant. had a great life. I just found my birthmother and wondering what type, if any, relationship I should expect with her. She has said she wants us to get to know each other and meet.

Answer 1

i was adopted at birth and have known my birthmother for a little over 7 years. we have a wonderful relationship. we talk and email all the time. i absolutely love her. but, she is not mom. i address her by her first name. i have a mom and dad.

now her and i spoke to my birthfather for the first time last sunday. what a shock that was. she found him and set up a 3 way call. i am very excited, but also nervous. i am unsure what type of relationship he wants. we meet next sunday (wish me luck!)
all stories are different. just take it slow and let it come naturally. you could be great friends or you could not even like one another over time. stop putting so much pressure on yourself to have this all planned out. you will drive yourself nuts. "go with the flow" no preconcieved ideas leads to no disappointments.

good luck, i hope it turns out well for you

Answer 2

You should only expect - and accept - what you want.

I met my natural family when I was 23. We have had our ups and downs, and even for the bad parts I am glad I reunited. My mother decided to cut contact after 1 year of reunion, which was devastating (even is to this day) but I don't just have an nmom; I also have a full brother, half sister, grandmother, aunts, and cousins. I met my father once before he passed away as well.

Just take it easy and don't rush into things is my advice; take it slow. If you want an ongoing relationship with your mother, remember that you can't make up for your lifetime of being separated in just a few days (or weeks), give it time and enjoy your time with her.

And understand that if you do have differences, you ARE your own person and NOT her clone, so don't expect to be 100% alike, because I don't think anybody (adopted or not) is 100% like one parent or the other.

Enjoy your similarities, accept your differences, and just allow yourself to feel whatever you want to feel. At the end of the day, you have to be comfortable with yourself and the entire situation.

Good luck!

Answer 3

It's hard to say what kind of relationship you can have with anyone - it's always different.

From the info you gave, it sounds like things are off to a decent start. Just be sure to do some searching within yourself to figure out what you want out of the relationship, what your boundaries are, etc. Just don't go into it with any expectations, take it slowly and go with the flow from there.

Sometimes, and I speak from personal experience, it can be all too easy to get wrapped up in the whole long-lost birth mother thing and forget that they really are strangers.... just be sure to look out for yourself and take things slowly.

I don't mean to sound cynical or mistrusting, and of course, there is a lot of really cool stuff that you're going to find out, and many common traits that you both share... You'd be surprised at some of the things that are genetic!

Go at your pace, enjoy it, and know that you always have a say in where the relationship goes.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Good Luck! I seriously mean that too. I met my Bio grandmother first and thought she was ok. We had a great relationship and she refused to let me know my birth mother. When I finally met her, I understood why. Not a good experience. My birth father was fine and I'm glad I met him before he passed and I met my 2 sisters. Be careful tho because first impressions can be fake. Mine we that they were ok then they turned into OMG! They are fake, manipulative and liars who tried to ruin my life. The only good thing I got was meeting my hubby. It wouldnt hurt to meet her and go from there. Your lucky to have the chance!

Answer 5

I think it just depends on if she seriously really wants to have a relationship with you. In my experience, my mother says she wants a relationship with me, but she never does hat she says and was even in the same town as me for 2 weeks and never contacted me until after she had left. Good Luck. Hopefully, she really wants to get to know you!

Answer 6

I was adopted . I met my biology parents at 19. I love my adopted parents very much . I think of them as my only parents. My biology parents gave me life for that I thank them for. They gave me a chance for a good life. Which I wouldn't have had with them . People give their kids up for many reasons. I still feel weird around them. So expect her to tell you the Truth. You might feel weird but give it a chance.mIt's all up to you. Good Luck.

Answer 7

I am a birth mother who found her birth daughter. I definately let her set the limits, like what to call us and how we should refer to her. She has parents, but you can't have too many people who love you. We have a relationship and I am happy for anything she is willing to give, but I know my place, so it's her choice.

Answer 8

dont listen to this person above because im sure your birthmother loved you there are circumstances that made her give you up that she thought it was the best thing and i can bet it was the biggest and perhaps the worst decision she made too good luck with the future with her, i think that you should get to know her it will do you both good

Answer 9

you are lucky from what i have heard some of them dont' want nothing to do with their kids. it sounds like this could be beginning of soemthing good i know if my mom (real one) was alive she'd proabbly not want to meet me she gave me a way at a day old she left after i was born right after to be with another boyfirend. she was a really quite a mess from what i heard from others.

Answer 10

go with the flo i am adopted and met both of my parents and in some ways i am glad and others i wish i didn't know so much