Parents moving...Drama?

Question

My mom has cancer. My dad is ten years older & unable to care for her. They found an asst. living facility to move to, but they won't get rid of anything. They think they're going to move from a five bedroom home to a 3 room apartment with all their stuff. And it's an unhealthy amount of clutter at that...magazines & coupons going back ten years, old knickknacks of some $$$ value but no function, etc. When I try to help them sell anything they say they are too tired to do all the homework involved and don't trust me to sell it for a good profit. When I try to box things up for goodwill they don't want to give it away. Mom only wants to get rid of Dad's things, Dad only wants to get rid of Mom's things. Now they say today to just leave the house sitting til they die and auction everything off and they don't care about seeing the money after all. How did anyone else get through this phase with their parents?

Answer 1

when they actually move from the 5 bdrm to the 3 bdrm surely they'll find out they don't have enough room for all of it. you could ask them to compromise with each other. get them to agree that if dad gets rid of one box of stuff, mom will too. that may be a start. my parents went through the same thing and were forced to get rid of a lot of stuff. but even in their small apartment now they have stuff everywhere. like you said your parents do, magazines, papers, etc. i get claustrophobia when i go over there. it would be nice if they would clear out their stuff instead leaving it behind for family to deal with.

Answer 2

An unfit parent. One who beats a child or lets their new husband or boyfriend beat the child. A parent who will buy herself an expensive designer handbag while her kids wear second hand cloths. A parent who does not care about her kids education or well being such as social life and keeps her kids out of school and calls it homeschooling them while she sits on her computer all day and plays games and then yells at the kids for not getting schoolwork done (a child has the right to a proper education). A parent who uses child support money for her own pleasure such as a vacation fund for herself and her husband while again the kids do without. A parent who is on a vegan diet and refuses to let the children have nutritious meat simply because she doesn't like it and the kids look pale all the time. A parent who doesn't clean house but makes the kids do it while she sits. A parent who leaves young kids at home to care for a newborn while her and her husband go on a joy ride. A parent who knowingly keeps her children away from the other parent just out of spite (children are entitled to know both parents). A parent who has followed through with sucide attempts (at least 2 or more) and has never had treatment for it, such as overdosing on pills (she is a danger to herself and children).These are some things that are neglecting a child. I am sure you know what physical abuse is. Hitting a child in the face, punching a child, beating a child with a belt because he or she has ADHD and acts out and the parent won't use medication for the problem. Burning a child with a cigarette. I can go on and on but this is just to say a few.

Answer 3

Well, I don't think that the issue is a phase, the issue is a personality type, and in this case they are both pack-rats. Many people are. They wouldn't even know if something was missing. Ask if they would go out to dinner or somewhere for a few hours and let you get rid of all the junk without their interference. If they say no, quit worrying about it and let them live like that. Profit? You need to have a garage sale and get what you can, there is no profit.

Answer 4

I have this problem with myself, I am a hoarder... It is a hard thing to break free from. I would suggest getting a cheap storage unit somewhere and putting all of the actual things they refuse to let go of but won't fit into their new place there. But do throw away the magazines and coupons and such ( you can always tell them they are being sent to the storage unit - they will never miss them ) remember if they haven't seen the stuff in 2 years they probably never will again so once it's all in storage it might be easier for them to let go.

Answer 5

I went through the same thihg . Its easy respect their will . They want to die in their house and its their rights The only thing you are doing right now its putting lots of stress on your sick mother and your old father . Do your best to take care of your parents because the lost of a mother is a BIG LOSS Just a advice ENJOY every spare moments with them because when their gone they are gong for a very longggggggggggggtime

Answer 6

Those assisted living homes usually cost a fortune, and you may need to start selling things right now just for the money. I would suggest selling right now anyway, because if you let an old house sit unoccupied for 10 years it will start to fall apart, and everything inside will mildew and deteriorate.

Answer 7

When our parents get old -- it doesn't mean they are ready to "die" and when they lose things, they feel like they've "lost their life" -- not death -- but part of them. They feel "stored away for death" and it's GOT to hurt them. Although they are elderly, they still need to feel like they did 20 years ago. My father and mother are both gone and it was hard......remember, people are still people -- NO MATTER WHAT THEIR AGE. The ONLY way to understand this is to put yourself (in your mind AND heart) in their position and think: How would I feel if this was me????

Answer 8

Don't worry! Everything is gonna be fine!! Ok yes im just saying to calm you down. This might lead into divorce. But your dad might thing 'hey she has cancer...maybe i should stick around and help out' or not. It depends on who your parents are inside. Stick around and dont worry...STRESS IS BAD FOR EVERYONE!

Answer 9

i feel for you honss,but i would just let your parents do what they want with their house,,you have tried to help out there but just getting it wrong in their eye's,,,if they have lived in the house for a number off years too,they arent probably dealing with having to give it up,,just be there for them and support them,hope things work out for the best in the all,xxx

Answer 10

Just bak off. Its their choice. Let them keep theuir stuff cuz they got 10 more years to live or sumthin. Its unhealthy, but its jis that....yeah