I have been dating my boyfriend for around four months. I broke up with him two weeks ago due to communication problems we were having (He didn't call often and thus, didn't seem to be putting much into our longdistance relationship), only to get back together with him. He said he'd change, and I've talked to him almost everyday either on IM or text since getting back together. The other day, he didn't call and I freaked out, which is very out of character for me. I apologized profusely afterwards for being so crazy and psychotic because honestly, I don't even need to talk to him everyday. I think I am afraid that he isn't really going to change, like he said he would, and then I'll have to break up with him. How can I stop being so controlling and clingy? I hate myself like this, especially since I told myself I would never become one of "those" girlfriends. Advice?
2007-09-22 07:30:03 · 14 answers · asked by laconversacion 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My first advice would be to figure out whether you're reacting to this guy or to a former situation. Are you honestly concerned that HE won't change or has someone in the past strung you along? Or maybe a situation with your parents?
Once you have that figured out, then you can move towards addressing yourself. You already know the answers to your questions... you just need to find the reasons. Sometimes writing out my feelings on paper helps me, personally, address whether issues are my own or situational. Maybe it will help you, also.
I might add that it seems as though he's shown a willingness to talk with you more since your break-up, if he's texting or IMing you almost everyday. But if this is a pattern -try for a while then stop again- that may be why you're freaking out, you know? And, in that case, it's wise to move on to someone that values you as you are and WANTS to talk to you more regularly.
There is one out there, you know. Because, regardless of your issues, you do have redeeming qualities that will fit perfectly into some guys' life, and he'll adore you.
I'm sure of it. =)
2007-09-22 07:57:47 · answer #1 · answered by anilegna26 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes...way too clingy. You need your own life too. Dont depend on him (or anyone else) to fulfill your life. Do things that YOU like...dont lose who you are.
I was married for 9 years...had to everythingggggg with the husband. I never got to do the things that I enjoyed really. That is one reason why I divorced him.
It's healthy for a couple to be able to breath without each other. I know it's just because the relationship is new, and you want to talk to him as much as you can, but if you are too clingy...it may put unwanted pressure on him...then he may want out.
2007-09-22 14:37:19 · answer #2 · answered by acksherly 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to turn this around. Im NOT saying to play games with him but you do need to not look so desperate. Keep him guessing just a little. Let him know you have a life & while you really like him, you dont HAVE to have him to be happy.
If you really don't feel like he is putting enough into the relationship then break it off. Don't waste time with someone if it's not going anywhere
2007-09-22 15:02:12 · answer #3 · answered by Emily 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, no disrespect but you need to get a life. Who wants to talk to someone with nothing to say? Talk to him maybe 4 times a week then you can tell him what you've done during the week and what you plan to do the next week. Stop being so insecure. For sure your relationship won't last.
2007-09-22 14:41:52 · answer #4 · answered by curlies55 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you're being clingy and psycho. Long distance relationships do this to people.
I suggest breaking up with him, the situation isn't going to get better. Find yourself a boyfriend close by.
Also, if you guys have already broken up and gotten back together, in a 4 month old relationship, it's going to get much worse!
2007-09-22 14:34:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
find something else to occupy your attention. something you can put your energy toward instead of using it all on trying to make him into someone he's not. realize that you love him, no matter what, and therefore, you don't need to talk to him every day, you just want to. and he should realize that he loves you and should sacrafice a few minutes of his time to call a little more often, but on your end, find other things you can do, more productive things. you will feel better, and you will be ok if he doesn't call as often as you want him to.
2007-09-22 14:37:44 · answer #6 · answered by Mary Liz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like more of jealously. You afraid he is having fun without you..Which he likely is. If you want to turn the table you have to ack like you have a life not just waiting on a call from him. Make him wonder what you are doing.
Then you will wonder why he is call you all the time.
2007-09-22 14:39:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well...if you had something more in your life other then just him...it might be easier to get him off your mind.
You could force yourself not to call or talk to him too.
Though, as you are a clingy crazy girlfriend...your doomed to be that forever. You just have to find a needy guy.
2007-09-22 14:37:15 · answer #8 · answered by null_the_living_darkness 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He did change--or he wouldn't talk to you so much!
But you are becoming clingy without even realizing it, which is dangerous, because then you might push him away. Because careful!!!!!
2007-09-22 14:34:51 · answer #9 · answered by Flower_Girl3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think part of this may be about trust. You may need to trust him more. Also, just realize that it's important that you guys have time away from each other.
2007-09-22 14:34:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋