Can a mother stopping loving her child?

Question

When I was 20 I finally stood up to my father who had physically and verbally abused me for as long as I can remember. My mother kicked me out onto the streets with no where to go and I did not speak to either of my parents for over 2 years. I am now 28 years old with a child of my own. Although I am now on civil terms with both my parents my mother and I do not speak. No phone calls, no emails. They visit with my son but conversation is next to none. They both refuse to acknowledge the years of abuse I suffered. I am closer with my mother inlaw then my own mother. I have a younger sibling whom my parents are very close with.
How can a mother stopping loving her own children? As a mother myself I cannot understand this.

Thank you so much for the overwhelming support. It's amazing to hear such kind words from complete strangers.

Answer 1

You have toxic parents. There are probably a whole range of stuff going on in your mothers head, alot of it justifying her behavior and maybe guilt for not protecting you. Or maybe she thought you deserved it, or magical thinking has erased it from her mind. Who knows what goes on in these people's minds. You are probably not ever going to figure it out, but since you have no relationship with her now, you could simply ask her why she didn't protect you when you were little and see what happens.

Not everyone who reproduces should be or can be a parent. You got stuck with a set of those. Really the only thing you can do is recognise that it was bad parenting, that you are a good person despite it, and break the cycle with your son. Parent him like you should have been, help him develope feelings of self worth and good self esteem that you probaby didn't get. Do a better job than they did, its the best revenge.

I can speak from experience. My mother is obvious in her favoring of her male sons. She was cold and unapproachable when I was growing up, and made me feel worthless. While not physically abusive, she was psychologically and emotionally abusive and a horrible mother. I spent many years from when she threw me out while I was in high school (17) not speaking with her. My dad just stood by and avoided everything. I am 54 now, and while I do love my mother, I really want nothing to do with her. Now she is old enough that she is starting to rewrite history and of course its a fairytale.

However, I did ok for myself, I learned to mother myself, and I did a great job with my daughters. We have the kind of realtionship that I wanted with my mother, so I was able to break the cycle.

As hard as it is, put your mother aside. If she has remained this cold to you, she will never change. You can try but you will simply frustrate yourself because doesn't see her part in any of it. Its not a matter of loving you, its about the conditions she placed. A parents love should be unconditional.

Answer 2

I can't imagine parent's not loving there child but it does happen in cases where they put someone else above there child. I am sorry that your family is treating you this way and you are being the bigger person by letting your child have a relationship with your child. I hope you are supervising it so they don't do the same thing to your child. Children are innocent they are the way they are because parent's make them that way. I think you need to try to talk to your mom because no matter what we only have one mom and one dad and if you don't put forth extra effort than you may have alot of hard feelings about all the what if's when they pass away. You are a strong woman be proud of what you have accomplished and keep your head up everything has a way of working its self out. Good luck

Answer 3

That sounds like a classic case of child abuse. The parents are too caught up in whatever is happening in their lives and take it all out on their children, who are too young and little to defend themselves from it. Well, children grow up and as soon as they are old enough to say "hey this wasn't right" the parent goes into denial and withdraws from the child because they know they cannot take out any more on them. Your parents are selfish and too self absorbed into themselves to even see that maybe they did do something wrong to you. In their eyes the probably see you as selfish and whiny, but don't listen to them. They are the ones with the problem. I have two children of my own and cannot see how anyone could take that for granted. But I have heard of several parents who have done the exact same thing to their children, and they don't have a relationship now that the children are all grown up.

Answer 4

I am sorry that this happened to you. You sound like you have made a good life for yourself despite what happened. Sadly parents are human and they can do bad things and then refuse to acknowledge the events. Have you point blank asked them why they did the things they did?
Did they ever abuse your sibling? Parents are capable of horrible things.Why is another thing.

Answer 5

It may be the way your mom was raised.. you know not to complain and accept what is handed to you no matter what.
The said thing is a parent will always love their kids till dooms day, but it is their pride that will make them stay away. All you can do is keep being a good sis to your sibling and A great mom to your kids and eventually she will see the error of her ways..
You cannot make people see what you see or feel what you feel all you can do is keep being you ! Some people can see where they "messed" up but its a big pill to swallow especially when its something you dont want to accept..

Answer 6

A mother can never stop loving her child unless she has been deeply hurt. Your parents were overcome with shock when you decided to stood up. And at 20 which is very young. Think in reverse and see how you would react if your child is just like you, very young then. Your Parents will never admit wrong because they are trying to discipline and raise you. And as for you, you thought you're the victim. Did you ask yourself why your dad abuse you?

Answer 7

Many people are not good parents, and you have a pari! I'd save my money and move far away from these people. Or move closer to your Mother-in-Law. Make sure your husband is home when your parents come to visit. Then busy youself with a "set-up" conversation or some task while they visit with you child. You are required to love them; they don't deserve it.

Answer 8

Honey, I know it is hard and confusing, but you have got to enjoy the relationship with your mother-in-law! :) Count your blessing, and enjoy the love with your child, your husband and your mother-in-law, I feel sorry that you and your mom are not close, I have been there.

I have not spoken to my mother-in-law for all of the fifteen years I have been married, she has never seen her own granddaughter for all of these years, for our reasons, we chose not to have anything to do with her.

My father abused me when I was younger, he denies it to this day, I do not talk to him I have not talked to him in years to months, just like you , we are civil, but that is it. Just like you, no words are spoken about the past. To me, it is better left there than living in it, which I hope you just try to leave it in the past and enjoy everyone you have in your life now!

I am holding out my hand, I want you to take it, and together we will start living in the here and now, ok?? :)

My sister just got her Masters in teaching and she is the favorite of the family, she is not married, and she has a son, but everyone favors her. They can deny it, but I know it.

I am just a homemaker with a lovely daughter, a wonderful husband, and I am active with my daughter at school and my husband also. I just concentrate on the here and now, and count my blessings with what God gave me in my life, that is my hubby, my daughter, and me!!! :)

Answer 9

yeah i would say that it will be hard reaching out to your mom when in situations like that because she probably herself does not know how to approach the situation. I know! because I was just like you my mom allowd her then bf to throw me out on the streets when i was preggo at 16 i was graduated and working but he used to kick my moms a......ss every other week i made it out there but every since then she has not been stable and has been living with me until this day but we really do not have a strong relationship. She has a closer realtionship with with my brothers who use her for her money and dont do crap for her, but i provide a roof I also wish we could talk but the only reason i help my mom is because she is my mom. Good luck to you hun I am still on my journey to find answers and i am 32. But to answer your ? i think that they can start to dislike themselves for not handling things the y way should have. yes! cause i dont think my mother likes me. I think it is guilt

Answer 10

I sympathise with you. One fact that can never change is you and I can't choose parents. Move on and don't let the past hinder you to look forward. It's either you forgive them and start things anew with them. One of the ways is to overcome evil with good. It's not going to easy but it's not totally impossible.