Having a hard time coping with my fathers death help!!!!!!!!!?

Question

My father died August 25 one month before his 59 birthday. How come doctors didn't treat my fathers case seriously? In a month he gained 30lbs had hard time breathing, his diabetes shot up quite high all of a sudden and had phemona.He was rushed hospital they drained liquid from abdomen, had hard time with breathing they put a oxegen mask on him to help him breath, they controlled his diabetes and then sent him home a week later. Still had trouble breathing gained more water, they told him to double then triple his water pills. A week at we had to rush him to the hospital the second time. He was complaining he was so tired went unconcious they performed surgery to take away more water from his heart. Aparently test showed no water origionally then they took more tests and it showed the water. He didn't make it through the surgery his heart stoped. After only 2 hours in the hosptial he passed away. Why did they send him home? I wonder if he would of been saved if they monitered himlonge

Answer 1

Diabetes is a very complicated disease. It is different for every person which makes it difficult to treat. For most diabetics, when there is a crisis it's because there is a big problem with the insulin. The hospital tries to get the person back to a normal state. Once the person can maintain a normal state for a period of time, it becomes the primary care's job to maintain that level.

It sounds like they ran all the right tests and tried to save him. They didn't just stop with that one test that said there was no water around the heart. They investigated further.


I know it's tough that you lost your father. I can't say that I completely understand since I've never had a parent die but I can say that I empathize. It's easy to say the "what if" and "why didn't" and "why did". You have to look at it as your father had a great life. By the sound of it, he had a great family. Try not to think about his last month of life but think of all the great times you had with him. Remember sitting on his lap, laughing..The smiles you shared. The hugs you gave him... Those are the things that you shoudl try to think about at this time. He wouldn't want you to be sad. Try to think about him and smile and laugh. That's what he was to you...Happy times. Share your good moments in the future with him. When you do something great think about him watching over you smiling that big smile of his.

I wish you all the best

Answer 2

I'm sorry about your loss. However, you must think. First, medical technology isn't perfect, and they may not have known the severity of the problem. He was an older man, and, well, these things happen.
You must understand that your father is not the only one there. It is sad, but imagine how much time it would have taken up for the hospital for that one person? How many lives could they have saved in the time spent on your father if he had been left there? Doctors only keep patients if they believe that they are serious (again, medical technology isn't perfect), and they will spend more time on the patient the more certain it is that they can help. I'm sure they took your father's case seriously; you can't blame them. It's hard, but don't begin a grudge against them. Things like this happen everyday--doctor's aren't miracle-workers, and can't do everything at once. And, if you think about it, it sounds like your dad would continue to have problems afterwards; for me, I'd rather die than live bound by incapabilities and pain: what good is life if you can't enjoy it? He is in a better place now, and he's much happier.

Even if they had monitored him longer, it probably wouldn't make a difference. This sounds like a sudden thing, and stuff like this won't always happen when there is someone around to see what is happening.

Of course, there is always the what-if; but, why go through the distress of wondering about "what could have been"? It does not change what has happened, only causes further pain. Understand that he is gone, and think to yourself: would he rather see you wondering and mourning over his death and thinking of the doctors that tried to save him as ignorant; or, would he prefer to see you live a happy life, enjoying what he had to cut short.

I pray that your father had a good life, and is in peace now.

Answer 3

I'm very sorry about your loss to yourself and your family. I lost my Father-in-Law (who was like a Father to me) in late May this year. We all miss him terribly. He was also kinda young (only 55). He had a massive stroke and died right there at work. It was not expected at all. It was traumatic for all of us. So, I completely understand your sadness. I also can sympathize with your frustration about the medical care (term I am using loosely in your case). I'm not a doctor, but from what you described, telling him to take triple his water pills was clearly irresponsible medicine. If you can afford it, maybe you can go see a personal injury lawyer. You may have a case to sue. I know it won't bring your Father back, but it may help with costs involved after the fact. In the meantime, keeping talking and expressing your emotions about this. You need to purge these negative feelings, you don't want to carry this for too long. Try your best to remember all the good times you had with your Father, forgive him for things if you need to. Make a scrapebook about him, write a poem or something. Things seem very hard now I know. Things do get better. You ALWAYS will miss him, but the sharp pains you feel now will fade over time. But, you will never stop loving him, or forget about him. There will always be an aching though. This is what I feel these days. Give yourself some time. You will need at least a year to adapt to his not being there. Going through all the major celebrations and holidays for the next while will be difficult. But you have every right to be angry, sad. You can cry or even scream. Just be constructive about it. If it lasts past a year, or begins to create problems in your life (like missing too much school/work) then go see a grief counsellor. Do not, as the person above, take drugs. You are going through something that is part of life. All of us will go through this at one time or another. It is part of being in this world. It's okay to go a little crazy and feel confused for a time. But you will have to get back up on your feet again. I'm sure your Father would of want you to be happy again. Take care of yourself and your family.

Answer 4

Who was his primary care doctor ? You have the right to address this issue with him. Did your dad have CHF? (congestive heart failure) It sure sounds like it based in his symptoms with the edema , shortness of breath,fatigue and it is a complication of diabetes.Diabetes is extremely taxing on the heart especially if his diabetes was poorly controlled due to infection,poor diet, insulin resistance or many other reasons. Was he maybe in kidney failure ? It is yet another complication from DM as are circulatory problems. You can always meet with the hospital administrator and request an independant peer review of his care, which means that physicians not affiliated with the hospital will look at how they treated your father, what courses of actions, diagnosis, medications, etc and they can come to an unbiased conclusion to whether or not there was mistreatment or misdiagnosis.( Make sure they are not affiliated with the hospital. If they do not comply, speak with a lawyer) My stepmom was a Type II DM, she smoked and did not take care of herself as far as diet,weight,medications, etc. I think it was hard for her to admit she was sick.She even became insulin dependant. At the age of 38, she died from CHF and a coronary embolism that was from her diabetes and we did not know anything about it as she did not care properly for herself. It was a very difficult thing to go thru for my dad. He was so angry at everyone for awhile and beat himself up thinking he should have done more, but what could he have done ? There were so many underlying conditions we knew nothing about. I am very sorry for your loss and I hope something someone says gives you some closure or answers.

Answer 5

It sounds like congestive heart failure... Since I have no family in my life, all I know is what I experience. I do dog rescue and a few of my beloved little ones have died from said condition. I know, it's not the same as your Dad. But for me, it was the closest thing I have ever known thusfar, to losing a family member to such a dreaded condition. On the fringe and helpless. Always wondering if more, or diffrerent could have been done... It is what it is. Thank God he is not fighting to breathe. That he is not drowning in his own fluids. Can you imagine what that must be like?
I have no words to offer you. Words mean nothing. But my heart goes out to you, and your are in my thoughts. And prayers.

Answer 6

Aw honey I"m sorry to hear that. My mother died last year - and she was not even 50 yet. Maybe contact the medical board or an attorney or something to start a medical investigation. My sincerest condolences to you and your family. Please know it takes time but it does get better. Focus on the good times, the fun times, the jokes, the healthy part of his life....those, along with your family, will get you through the loss. Talk about him all the time! I love talking about my mom and telling everyone how amazing she was. It's so hard to understand WHY it happened...my mother had such a hard life and just when she finally everything going as it should...she was diagnosed with cancer in her 30's and died in her 40's. I don't know why and it's depressing to think about. Sooo....cry. laugh. talk. it's the only way to get through it and don't think missing him will every go away because it won't. You loved him and your not supposed to stop missing him. Ever. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 7

I don't know why the doctors didn't treat that more seriously...my mom died 4 years ago when I was 10 and I don't remember anything from that year. I've tried and I have no idea what I did not even over summer. I know I preoccupied myself by being with other people.

Answer 8

Unfortunately, your dad would have died whether they'd kept him in the hospital for 'monitoring' longer or sent him home. It's 'obvious' to me, who have worked in the 'medical field' that your dad was 'dying' the FIRST TIME he went to the hospital, but they didn't want to 'disturb him' and possibly cause him to die 'sooner' by telling him. I'm sorry about your father's death ... but you need to 'let go' of this, and deal with the 'rest of the grief process' ... right now you are 'stuck in denial' ... the hospital did 'the best they could' and your dad died anyway. It's sad but it happens. If you can't 'let go' then you need to see a 'grief counselor' to help you through this time. I'll pray for you ... my mother-in-law died last Thursday, and her funeral was today ... it HURTS, but we were 'ready' to let her go. She was 89. Your dad was only 58, but he was 'very ill' ... he's out of his misery now, and is 'waiting for you' and the rest of your family ... and when you meet again, you'll find out 'the rest of the story. I'll be praying for you.

Answer 9

You have my sympathy in the loss of your Dad.

In my opinion, it has a lot to do with what health insurance the patient has.
Nowadays, hmos are incharge of the hospitals, the doctors and everyone inbetween.
They tell the doctor what tests can be taken. How long a patient can stay in the hospital or even if they can be admitted to the hospital.
Most doctors do not want to loose their doctor status and so obey the health insurance companies by doing what they are told.
And believe me it is going to get worse.

Answer 10

My dad died to not to long ago. What i do is join some groups and invite friends over alot. That always helps me come down alot. I fell sorry for you. I now what you feel. My dad died of a heart attack.My dad was 63 when he died. :(