I'm a confused loner. Does this make sense?

Question

I'm a loner but I have no desire to form friendships. I'm only talking to people at work because I don't want to appear stuck up. I feel that people tire me out too much and are demanding. On the other hand I feel as if I am missing out on life due to having no friends.

I am extremely anxious about what other people think about me.

I am on meds prescribed by my dr and should get therapy in October.

I don't complain o'r talk about my problems, I go to work and just get on with it.

Answer 1

I quickly read over many of the responses to your posting and want to offer this:

I don't think you are "selfish". The people responded with this gem of critisim act as if maintaing the superficial realtionships most people in our society consider "friendships" is some kind of a virtue.

Maybe you are exceptional or have a high IQ, or simply can't force yourself to feel a connection to the ignorant masses of idiots you are surrounded by.

So I say: It sounds like you are playing the game just right. Fake it and get by at work, god knows if you are talented but appear anti-social by the unthinking majority you might not get as far as your merits deserve.

Then I'd say just live your life without applying outside "shoulds" and judgements to it. If you decide you want company seek out an 'other'. There are clubs and organizations for almost any interest, at least that way you can improve your probability of finding someone who is interested in the same things you are. Otherwise, enjoy the fact that you are okay spending time with yourself instead of fantically seeking out external distraction from others like everyone else does.

Answer 2

Hi there

What you are experIEncing is not that uncommon. Firstly, it sounds like you are an introvert. You probably know what that is, but something interesting that you probably did not know, there is an additional classification. Introverts get their energy from being alone, ie they are energized from within. They are usually people that enjoy their own company. Extroverts on the other hand get their energy from those around them and need people around them constantly and cannot really be alone. Now both parties need to spend time in each others company, in order to get some balance. So have no fear you are not that abnormal. The other thing that is a bit bothersome is the fact that you might be a depressed as well. I would recommend you speak to a psychologist, they can teach you some tricks to function better around extroverts, and could also assess you for depression and recommend further treatment if needed. As long as you remember you are OK, not a freak or anything, there a billions of people in the same situation as you, the difference is how and what you do about it. You gonna sit and mope about it, or you gonna take the bull by the horns and sort it out! Good luck!

Answer 3

If you are comfortable with being alone, comfortable with yourself and your thoughts, why on earth do you think you are missing out? Probably because somewhere inside you, you know that man is a gregarious creature and thrives best with a good emotional support system, this is what friends are for.
But when you say you only talk to people at work because you don't want to appear "stuck up", does that mean you are, and just don't want anyone to know? When you say that people tire you and are too demanding, you sound incredibly selfish, and probably would not make a good friend to others anyway, and to have a good friend, one must BE a good friend. So, either accept who you are and stay alone, or become a whole lot less self centered and try to make friends, choice is yours.

Answer 4

Man is a social creature... Have you wondered why you didn't want to have friends? is it because the people you meet do not meet your expectations or is it because you'd much rather be by yourself?
I too am a loner but I have learned to "compromise" and make friends. So when I'm in the mood to be alone, I'm alone and when I'm in the mood to socialize, I have my friends. What I mean by "compromise" is that I've never met the "perfect" friend, I've learned to accept people the way they are and focus on their qualities, ignoring the sides I may find annoying/offensive. When I'm tired of their company, I just excuse myself. I have found great rewards and warmth in those friendships and it's a great feeling not to be so alone in the world.
Try to find people with similar tastes as you. It is hard work to find real friends, it's like finding the perfect shoes, you have to try on quite a few!

Answer 5

I have close friends , however they don't live near me , so I don't get out much, I talk with people at work, but I leave it at work.
I have a boyfriend though who is like me, and him and i are both recluses and anti social.

We like staying home and not dealing with people. We are only social if we have to be, family etc.

However he and I have each other, which for me completes that part for me.

When I was younger, up until a few years back did allot of traveling. Seen different countries, and different states. So in that perspective I don't feel like I am missing anything.

I guess for you, your going to have to find what is missing. Maybe you need to travel , or find a hobby, or someone your comfortable with hanging around with.

Answer 6

So what's the problem.

You like being alone. If you are not lonely then what?

Otherwise join some clubs or do some community work. Smile and ask questions. You'll meet all kinds.

To have friends you need to be a friend. So make the effort and you will be rewarded with life long friends.

http://themeaningisyou.com

Answer 7

See your Primary Care Physician, have him evaluate you & give you a referral to a Psychiatrist. Don't be afraid to seek help. You may benefit from medication & talk therapy. If you had cancer you would see a Dr. right? See a Dr. & get evaluated. You will feel much better & your life will improve. Talk to other people with the same feelings. Find a support group.
http://www.nami.org/
http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/MH/00068.html

Answer 8

I've been a loner for a long time too. I'm beginning to realize why, though. I'm very arrogant. I've been very promiscuous in my past and when I get caught cheating, or afraid someone is going to find out about me, I lie to my parents that I need to go to school.(college). then get their money and continue to go around finding guys to get them to like me... and cheating on them.. the cycle continues.
so, I've been lying to everyone for a long time.. and I feel like crap because of it, which makes me be very antisocial...
It' wrong, and it's very hard to break, because my parents are soooo enabling to me, and I'm in my mid 20s. I'm afraid I will never have a real job or get myself together. I don't even feel motivated to.
So, there, you're definitely NOT alone!

Answer 9

If you're afraid you're missing out on things, then do them yourself. Visit a foreign country, have a drink at a bar, go out to eat, join a gym, volunteer, paint, etc. I've had friendless periods in my life, and I had fun doing those things. Not only that, generally I met someone I liked to hang out with.

Answer 10

most of introvert people feels the same way as yours... i think it's normal coz kinda people like you are tends to keeps your problem rather than to spill it out and thats made you a loner and don't really talk with other except for proffesional reason (at work for example). just don't be too introvert buddy... try to share with others, sometimes it's works... :-)