Sex while engaged (please only those referencing from Christian standpoint)?

Question

I feel terrible asking this question because I have a feeling that I'm going to offend someone. That isn't my intention.

It is my understanding that the bible states that sex is for "one man and one woman". That is generally taken to mean that sex is for within the context of marriage. What about engagement? You have already made the promise to be with that person for the rest of your life. I have read accounts that it was normal for couples in biblical times to have sex while they were betrothed because betrothal entailed the same commitment as marriage.

To me, engagement is the same commitment as marriage. I will love and be with him and only him for the rest of my life. Why do I keep getting lectures about our sexual relationship?

My question isn't so much about why I'm being judged. I expect that. The question is more about how this scripture is interpreted. Is it ok????

I guess some people missed the entire point. I'm not looking to be justified in my decision or get "permission" to have sex. Actually, I'm doing just the opposite. I simply want to hear both sides of the argument. My decision is made. I want to know what the overall consensus is.

Answer 1

:]. good question. id say engagement doesnt really count ALTHOUGH u have made a promise, the vows have not be said. u are not husband and wife yet. what if u were to sleep with him, and u two were engaged and he leaves. hes not fully commited to u, because ur engaged which means he can leave just like that. no questions asked basically. but if u were married itll be harder for his to leave. u know ud have to get a divorce. to be honest, id wait. im not giving anyone **** yet. because he could easily walk away......

Answer 2

How long is the engagement for? I can honestly advise you that it is worth waiting for. You are so anxious to consummate your love but my advice is wait. We do not live in those days you write of in the Old Testament times . If we did perhaps I would have two or three wives.................... also there is no guarantee that it might not go terribly wrong for you both. Say your fiance comes over you make love and he goes home and is killed in a car crash. You find yourself pregnant but the child will not have a father nor can he have the name of the father because the father is dead. Dramatic perhaps but I see this as a test for you. Sorry to come on heavy, I am not offended by the question at all, it is marvelous that you even want to get married these days when marriage is so cheapened and despised by the media and people give up after their first argument, having married foolishly thinking it is easy. Marriage is not easy. If your engagement is for a long time (months / years) don't think you might not fall out of love with him before the wedding day? Then it is spoiled for all of you. And I assume you are not using contraception because they did not use it in Bible times. (except for Onan and that was due to his incest not contraception alone) I am not telling you not to use contraception, I am merely remarking that your argument is based on a tenuous statement that "the Bible states that sex is for one man and one woman" - true, but people generally waited until the marriage before having sex. That too is all there if you read up - there is a courtship and a dance to be danced, if you look around at the destruction of the family in the Western world (I write from India where divorce is rare), then you will know it is better to keep to the old paths. My wife and I were hugely passionate for the six months prior to our wedding - but we waited until then, and do not regret it. Just dare to be different. The people should not lecture you they should tell you quietly that they care for you and just maybe, they do know better.

Answer 3

If you feel that this is more than the pleasures of the flesh, as you have proven you do, than I see absolutely no reason as to why God would punish you eternally for it.

I was brought up a lutheran, so my standpoint is basically that, God is the farthest thing from an idiot, and knows what to forgive and what not to forgive. And if you repent, he forgives all.

He is not a robot, and he DOES realize that there is more reason to banish the serial rapist than to banish a couple in love ABOUT to become married by law that are faithful to him, yet expressing their love to each other.

You seem like the last person he would send to hell.

Once again, serial rapist or loving engaged couple.

You probably keep getting lectures because people take God to be cold hearted and much more .. well .. final, than he is.

Now why would the smartest being alive not forgive the thing he loves the most?

Answer 4

An engagement is a promise, but a marriage is a sharing of vows that are binding. Two very different things. I'm not a Christian, but wanted to keep an open mind and help you out. Ultimately, you have to follow your heart and not listen to everyone else. If you are comfortable with having sex now, then so be it.

Answer 5

Engagement is not the same commitment as marriage..it has big difference. Sex before marriage is
prohibited.

marriage

mar·riage [márrij]
(plural mar·riages)
noun
1. legal relationship between spouses: a legally recognized relationship, established by a civil or religious ceremony, between two people who intend to live together as sexual and domestic partners
2. specific marriage relationship: a married relationship between two people, or a somebody's relationship with his or her spouse
They have a happy marriage.

3. joining in wedlock: the joining together in wedlock of two people
4. marriage ceremony: the ceremony in which two people are joined together formally in wedlock
5. union of two things: a close union, blend, or mixture of two things
Civilization is based on the marriage of tradition and innovation.


engagement

en·gage·ment [in gáyjmənt, en gáyjmənt]
(plural en·gage·ments)
noun
1. agreement to marry: an agreement to get married
announce our engagement

2. commitment to attend: an arrangement to be present at an event, especially a business or social appointment

See the diference?
jtm

Answer 6

well, i'm not exactly sure, but i think that whilst you're engaged you can still call off the wedding, when you're married you're not supposed to leave each other. so i guess it's a bad thing because it's still premarital sex. so yeah,
engaged - can be called off at any time.
marriage - you have to be with the same person for the rest of your life.

but as i said, i don't know, just my way of reasoning i guess :]
x x x

Answer 7

I do not now what domination you come from, but i am a roman catholic and i come from a country where catholism is very prominent. No one should give you lectures about your sexual relationship if you are within the right age limits and capable of taking care of yourself.

Sexual morality is there in order to prevent sexual atrocities from being committed such as abuse. As long as one respects the dignity of the other in a sexual encounter, and vice versa, sex is good as it was created by god for humans to pursue, enjoy and connect with one another. The christian church can only suggest moral codes, it had no right to enforce them and impose them on people. Learn how to develop your own values. From Christ's side...as long as they are in line with the commandment of love, you are open to the love he continually offers to us.

Answer 8

no it does not make you married, interior the Christian view it makes you a sinner as you have basically partaken in premarital intercourse. the only way you're married is once you're saying your vows in front of a clergyman. Is your fiance attempting to get you into mattress early??? Boys will say something!

Answer 9

Hey, I'm not a psych major but it seems pretty clear that you've already made up your mind and you're looking for somebody to validate your decision. Okay, you have permission to do your betrothed. Enjoy yourself. Take precautions if your not ready to make a baby. Live long and prosper. Peace be upon you both.

Answer 10

The Bible implicitly forbids fornication, which is sex outside of marriage. In Biblical times engagement was a legal union that could only be broken by divorce, which is why it says that when Joseph found out that Mary was pregnant (with Jesus, while they were engaged) that he was going to divorce her quietly, until told otherwise in a dream.