My daughter's dad committed suicide when she was 11. His father blamed me & cut our daughter out of his life. No Birthday cards, Christmas, nothing. I occasionally see him at my work & he acts like he doesn't know me. I was his daughter-in-law for 15 years. Tonight my daughter received an email from a distant family member that her grandpa (the one that cut her off) hs terminal illness & not too long left. She is 15 now. Do I encourage her to be a better person & reach out to him, so hopefully she can have some closure, or should I be like "He kicked us when we were down, so it's Karma."???
I'm torn because he has hurt her & let her down & he was the only male family member she had left & she HATES men now. But I also want to teach her compassion. (Part of me also hopes seeing her after so long will make him feel guilty). I wanna do what's right & I'm too emotionally attached to make a good decision. I don't want her hurt by any of this. She's been hurt too much by her dad's suicide.
2007-09-08 20:24:55 · 8 answers · asked by Angela J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well just because someone is dying doesn't negate the stupid/bad decisions of their life.
If I were you I would have an adult conversation with her. Explain that he was a dick and that this was a flaw on his part. Explain that she can forgive him and choose to be compassionate and a better person. Or she can simply let him die without involvement.
If you have raised a sensible child she should be smart enough to make this decision.
It's sad that she hates men now, but whether she chooses to meet with this guy and forgive him is unlikely to fix her problem. So ultimately I'd leave the decision with her.
2007-09-08 20:32:42 · answer #1 · answered by ZCT 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Has the grandpa specifically expressed a wish to see your daughter? I'm afraid of her being rejected yet again if you just show up to see him. I would check with the relatives first and make sure that he wants to see her and then if you feel that it's genuine, encourage your daughter to see him. It would be a good way to close the door on that chapter of your lives and move on. Good Luck.
2007-09-09 03:35:39 · answer #2 · answered by this girl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Really, if her grandfather wants to reach out to her, that's his choice. If he chooses not to, that's his choice and his loss. Being terminally ill doesn't mean you get a free pass for your past actions, and if he still wants to be a jerk, he'll have to live (and die) with that on his conscience/karma. Let your daughter make her own decision, because she'll have to live with it as well.
2007-09-09 03:35:47 · answer #3 · answered by nobody important 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While it's a very sensitive subject, I think you and her would both feel better if you can forgive, and let your relationship with your father in law begin to heal before it's too late.
2007-09-09 03:36:31 · answer #4 · answered by 99% Tater says: TAX THE RICH! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should teach her to do the right thing which is to forgive. I'm not saying she should run into his arms and start being bestfriends with him, but she should forgive him and start to heal. This is not for his benefit, but for her own. Bitterness eats away at the soul.
2007-09-09 03:33:51 · answer #5 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ZCT had a great answer - I second his response.
For some reason, the dead and dying never did anything wrong and suddenly become wonderful people worthy of our time and affection... If your daughter were dying, would he be there for her?
2007-09-09 03:40:13 · answer #6 · answered by Magaroni 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I for one don't go for all this lovey-dovey forgive-and-forget crap.
I hope the old goat has a broken heart to match the hurt he put on you.
2007-09-09 03:34:01 · answer #7 · answered by heebus_jeebus 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let her, it may help with closure.
Are you going to be there to?
Have you talked to your Daughter
at all about things? She's lived through
some of it. :-(
May God Bless you.
2007-09-09 03:41:35 · answer #8 · answered by elliebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋