My fiance and iare due to be married in october and are both very excited.... But my fiance's sister in law has issues (to many to type here) she is driving me crazy she is always "playing the victim" and has a constant "woe is me" complex. we were friends until a conversation we had got me soooo frustrated i had to tell her "i cant talk to you about this anymore i have to go" in a firm and authorative manner. and hung up the phone. now when we speak it is very strained she is to be my matron of honor in less than 6 weeks and is neglecting every duteis MOH's are supposed to do. I'm not really sure what my question is i guess i need to know how you deal with someone like this she is going to be a part of my family and my fiance does not have a big family so what little he has i want him to keep even if she does make me want to grab my hair and scream. Just thinking about her makes me itch.....should i just let her do her thing and restrict our convos to the weather??
2007-09-08 18:01:25 · 5 answers · asked by sab20052005 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hi, oh where to start. First your not alone. I think my sister in law may be the daughter of saten, but anyway. The only way you can deal with her is to ignore her and not give in. You have to let her play her "victim" act and just say" Yeah thats nice." Like she is a child. Obviously she will get the hint that it's not bringing her attention. All I can say is see her and talk to a minium rate. Good luck!
2007-09-08 18:10:12 · answer #1 · answered by Dogna M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all... check the Emily Post wedding guide to make sure you are not trying to get the MOH to do more than she is supposed to be doing. I've heard of some brides trying to turn the MOH into slave labor.
Then... ask the future SIL whether she really, really wants to be the MOH in this wedding. Tell her that you would totally understand it if she was uncomfortable with that duty and really wanted out... that you would never hold it against her... and just to need to know fast so you can get a substitute and get the outfits made. No more and no less.
See if you can replace her gently... "a very dear old friend from waaaayyy back just came back into ymy life and I want her in the wedding party... can she pretty-please be MOH? Would you mind letting her? Pllleeeeaaaaze?"
You can also offer to have her "greet and seat" as an usher if she really wants something important to do. Lot of power in that duty and she doesn't have to wear the uniform.
After that, just keep it cordial with the SIL... nothing personal, just like it is someone you have to work with (you do).
2007-09-08 19:24:34 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First things first. You have a wedding coming up in 6 weeks and you need to know your matron of honor is going to be there for you. How do you make that happen? Perhaps you can talk to her about when you hung up on her. Apologize for being so abrupt and try to get her to see your point of view on whatever that conversation was about.
If she's totally entrenched in victim mode there is little you can do until she's ready to take charge of her life. Instead of pulling your hair out try approaching her with compassion. She's stuck in her emotions. Yes, that can be very draining to be around. You can try to point out to her that she's holding herself back by being a victim but again, until she's ready to do something about it, you may want to give her a wide berth.
In the meantime, have a conversation with her about the wedding. Ask her what her intentions are. Explain that you're counting on her and want her to be in the wedding with you. If she chooses to not handle her end of things you may want to rethink having her in the wedding with you.
2007-09-08 18:26:09 · answer #3 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get together for lunch and hash it all out. Tell her how you feel and let her tell you how she feels... this can be very stressful, but at the end you'll both know where ya stand with one another. And besides once you're family, there's enough problems with all that lol... just try to get past it now.
Congrats on the wedding!
2007-09-08 18:45:18 · answer #4 · answered by marcie1997 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont count on her she apparently is having some problems and it is best you just give her space
2007-09-08 18:07:55 · answer #5 · answered by Nora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋