my dad is a jerk.?

Question

ok so we moved during my third grade year so my dad cood get a job he wood enjoy more.then in fourth grade my mom and dad divorced he decided he wasnt happy with us anymore so after being mean to my mom and taking alot of their money they joint shared he left. so for a while it was ok for a couple months just going over to my dad then over to my moms untill my dads new girlfriend came into the picture like we got introduced to her then we really didnt talk cuz we didnt no wat to say and were shy. then my dad gets all mad and says we arnt being nice enuff to her and stuff. so this goes on for about three years until finally were sick of her telling us wat to do when she has no control over us and her cussing at us and just overall treating us badly. so then we get a court order that she is not allowd to c us(kind a restraing order thingy). soo then my dad decides he doesnt want to c us anymore so for over a hole year my dad doesnt have any contact with us never calls or nothing. then

then my dad and his girlfriends breakup so my dad hasnt seen us for a whole year and now he wants to c us again and were forced to go and c him again cuz of the court order. the thing is he basically picked his girlfriend over us i c no reason y i shood ever have to c him again. but i no deep down that im eventually gonna have to forgive him b ut i feel like he doesnt deserve my forgiveness. and its so unfair of him now to want us bak when he hasnt even apologized for not seeing us for a whole year. so idk shood i forgive him or just forget him. and if i shood forgive him how do i start.

yea i no deep down that im gonna have to forgive him eventually. i just feel like wat makes him deserve my forgiveness when he cant even apolygive about it. and he tells me that he wants to spend time with us(me and my four other siblings) but i feel like thats is a joke coming from him when he didnt c us for a year and he says he cant put the whole blame on him and he acts like its part r fault. and he wont let me talk to my mom or friends on the phone unless he is rite there listening cuz he thinks we will talk about him. it just so fair and i dont think he deserves my forgiveness.

Answer 1

There is no bad or good answer. Just do whatever you feel like it. If you are a tolerant person, he will be lucky. You can give him a second chance and do as it was before....but obviously, the relationship might not be the same as before. If you decide to not forgive him, he has to accept the consequences to his act. He will suffer alot from being separated from you and he will regret it for the rest of his life. What ever you do, make sure you know if you will regret to your decision or not.

Answer 2

It's amazing how two people have kids and then get mad at each other and one or the other end up giving up the kid(s). It would take a good counselor to tell a mom/dad that the kids come first, but as we all know, there has been THOSE kids that made life h--l for the new guy/girl in mom/dads life and now you's will pay the price & consequences. Some parents will stand by their decision to the end, and though it hurts, the child has to be the bigger and better person to accept what they get handed. Some parents just don't know how to be a parent, so be the bigger person,say your sorry and chances are, that's the way it'll be to the end. If they don't see it now, they may never. It's how you choose to handle it, one way will make you bitter and the other will be hard but YOU will be at peace-----and you will be a greater person and parent (someday) yourself. No one has the right to abuse you, and if the new lady was cussing at you and your siblings, that's just what is was-----abuse. And under no circumstances, let anyone tell you that that kind of behavior is ok,b/c oneday it's cussing, the next it's hitting. On one hand it was wise to have you and your siblings separted from your dad and anyone else who see's that as ok. So tell him you love him but will not be treated in an abusive manner by anyone and him being your father, it's his job to see that no is abusing you, especially his gal friends. FYI: As a parent, it's his legal obligation to do so also. Take Care and good luck.

Answer 3

You've said a couple of times you'll have to eventually forgive him. No one can force you to forgive him. That's something that has to come from inside your heart. If you decide to forgive him it will be for you and not for him. By forgiving him you'll release yourself from holding onto the negative energy that goes along with how things have been. It will allow you to move forward with your life.

He said you can't put all the blame on him. From the way you described how things went it sounds like there was a mis-communication initially about the girlfriend. You said you and your siblings were shy and didn't know what to talk to her about. He may have misinterpreted your shyness as rejection of her. That may have caused some of his actions.

How was your relationship with your Dad before your parents divorced? Do you want that back? If so, talk to your Dad. Email him if you have to or call him. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable. But tell him honestly how you feel. Tell him you feel like he chose the girlfriend over his own kids and that it hurt. Listen to his side of things. Hopefully you'll both be willing to meet each other in the middle. If you want to have a relationship with your Dad, you both have to work at it.

How do you start to forgive? By seeing him as innocent. Try to look at the whole situation as a series of events that fed on each other. There may have been misunderstandings that caused a lack of communication. Accept that your Dad is human and therefore imperfect. He made mistakes. I'm sure that when you make mistakes you would like to think that you can be forgiven even if you hurt someone with your mistake. Try to see your Dad as deserving that same compassion that you would want for yourself.

Answer 4

Hon, I know exactly how you feel. I had the exact same problem with my dad. My parents divorced when I was 7. My dad didn't seem to care whether I wanted to see him or not. All of that changed for me though when I told the friend of the court how I truely felt. Then he realized that it wasn't working out the way that I had to visit him all the time. I didn't visit him for an entire year and then he asked if I would go have dinner with him. He told me that he wasn't going to force me to go. He wanted to let me know that it was all up to me. This last summer he had a heart attack and realized how much he missed because he didn't want to be in my life. What I want t tell you is that you need to speak your mind. Tell him how all these things are making you feel. I promise things can only get better, but sometimes it has to get worse before anything can improve. You have to tell your dad that you love him and that you just don't want to lose him. If he is any kind of father, he would understand. It will work out somehow for you. I'm here for you if you want to talk.

Answer 5

IM soo sorry your right your dad was a jerk.
He did take his girlfriend over you.
He was wrong and its none of your fault.
She has no right to cuss you out.
That was immature of her.
He should of never taken sides.
You are correct again when you say he does'nt deserve your forgiveness.
He does'nt! Except for one thing, we are all imperfect humans.
And the bad thing is we tend to make mistakes. We tend to do lots of things we regret. Nobodys perfect, and when it comes down to it bottom line
he is your dad and you are his daughter and no matter what you love each other. You cant let mistakes get between you, tell him how you feel and talk to him about it everything you said here let him know that. He cant help you if he doesnt know what you need and what you think.

Answer 6

I think it you should give your dad another chance. I know he didn't treat you right in regards to the girlfriend but I'll bet deep down he's very sorry that he let her talk him into not seeing you. He may have a hard time saying I'm sorry but, believe me when I say this, he loves you and wants the very best for you. Parents are human too and they do make mistakes just like other people do. I don't think you will regret giving him another chance.

Answer 7

Basically, I think you should tell him all of this that you've said here. I mean, he's not a genious, so, he can't guess what's on you mind. He should know that he hurt you really bad, but I guess he just can't realize that on his own, so you need to help him there.
I know it's hard to do that after how badly he hurt you, but he is still your dad. It was something like that for me too, so, I understand. My dad would think his wife was awesome, and tell me to try to get along with her. That just didn't work. And now they are not together anymore, and I'm hoping he realizes what a not so great person she really is.
Anyway, I hope things work out for you and your dad. He's only human, and we all make mistakes. Talk to him and tell him how you feel.

Good luck! Hope I helped...

Answer 8

Your dad got involved with a younger woman while on the rebound. He was trying to get himself re-established.
Yes, he's a jerk.
Yes, you have to acknowledge his nature (he thinks with what is in his pants) and forgive him.
You don't have to spend a lot of time with him, but you can ask what happened to the christmas and birthday presents you didn't get from him... did the GF hijack them too?
If you are slick, you can jockey this for some major goodies.

Answer 9

my dad choose the most horrible excuse of a woman over me my brother and dad and acted like we were a**holes cuz we didnt ever wanna see her. i know it sucks wicked bad cuz like theyre temporary flings and dads think its like the world and ur like yo im ur kid, respect what i am and am not comfortable with. heres what i think u can do with it
A) be the kid, hes the adult/ role model and he should be the one catering to you
B) see call or write him about all your feelings and why u feel that way and tell him you need change or just leave it with ur feelings heard
C) calmly tell him how u feel while tolerating her every now and then if its that important to him

Answer 10

dude. my dad is married to this chick that i dispise of. and i only went 3 months w/o seeing him. but one day i just emailed him saying that i'm sry i've been acting so selfish. and that even tho i don't and never will git along with his wife, i luv him. and i told him that i thought it was unfair him choosing her over his daughter. but he still means a lot to me, and once again i apologized. inside i kno u'll always be hurt over it, but any good dad cant deny you after a conversation like that. and if he does, then your right..he is a jerk. just keep yur head up high. it'll git better.