Is there something wrong with me? I dont want them to touch me?

Question

okay, i dont get along with my parents. my mother use to try attack me but i would always stop her and my dad would just stand there and not protect me. we would get in fights because i defend myself when she tells me i cant do something or calls me names. and once because i wouldnt giver her my check. anyways, over the years i have lost respect for both of them. I am very religious and am really involved in church. I am the only one in my family who is and I tried teaching my 6 yr old sis some prayers and she loved it, then I suggested they enroll her in cathecism and they blew up in my face and said they don’t need no help or anything from me and my opinion does not matter. By now comments like that don’t affect me cause they always say it.

Today, I was eating at the table and my dad comes behind me and starts patting my back and I flinch and immediately pull away from his touch and say “don’t”. he says “im just playing” and keeps repeating and I keep telling him to stop and he only does it harder and more forcefully. I know he was just trying to be “loving” or whatever, but I did not want to be touched by either of them. Is that wrong of me? I feel like I am such a hypocrite because I am so into church yet I don’t honor my parents. But I cant, I only love them because I have to. I hate when they act like they care for me when I know they don’t. after all the things they have told me in the past. I just cant.
Was it wrong not to let him touch me? Am I a bad person?

let me just say, the way they treat me isnt horrible. there are kids out there who have it bad. i wouldnt say im abused physically. i just want to be left alone.

Answer 1

From what you describe your reaction to your Dad touching you is fairly normal. You have a lot of emotional stuff still buried there that you haven't reconciled yet. One thing you said struck me. You said you only love them because you have to. Why do you have to love them? And if that's the only reason you do, can you say you really love them? How do you define love?

You're conflicted about your feelings for them because you are so religious. I believe you are so religious because you needed something to hold onto to get away from their treatment of you. There's nothing wrong with that unless you're using your religion as a crutch. It's one thing to go to church, read the bible and say prayers. It's another thing to actually live your beliefs. Where your parents are concerned you're not yet ready to live your religious beliefs.

Your parents have their own issues. They acted the way they did when you were young because they didn't know any better. Or they knew better but were not able to control their actions. I know that sounds lame and it doesn't excuse their actions. Whatever the reasons, you can't change the past.

You're now an adult and you have to decide how much longer you'll allow their actions to rule your life. You can continue to be their victim or you can work through your emotions and learn to let go so you can fully live your life. The way to do that is to forgive them for being imperfect. That's not an easy thing to do but it is worth doing for your own sake.

To begin the process try to see them as human beings instead of your parents. They made mistakes. If you're able to talk to them, try to tell them how they made you feel when you were younger. Tell them why you don't want them to touch you now. Try to do this without resentment. Ask them why they acted the way they did when you were young. Forgiveness is a process you have to go through in order to free yourself from the pain of past emotions. Forgiveness is for you, not for them. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

You say that your mother tried to attack you? Was this a physical attack or a verbal attack? If it's physical and your father isn't helping you, then you really should get outside help...this is not a safe or normal situation.
If it's a verbal attack, is it malicious or is it a case where you feel attacked because your mother is questioning your judgement or exercising her authority over you as a parent? These are two different things. The mean verbal attack can and should be ignored and again get outside help if you believe you need it. If it is just her being a parent, then everyone goes through phases where they want their parents to leave them alone. You're the one in this situation and you know what you can and can't handle and it is alright to seek outside help if you think you need it. That help can be your clergy person, a family member, a neighbor, a teacher, anyone who is an adult that you trust to intervene on your behalf.
You don't say your age, I'm assuming that since you have a very young sister that you are a minor. If that is not the case and you are an adult, then get out. This does sound like negative situation for you to be in.
About feeling like a hypocrite, you are not. The commandment about honoring your parents doesn't mean you have to obey them or feel love for them. When your parents do wrong or evil and encourage or order you to do wrong or evil or commit the wrong on you, then you are dishonoring them when you obey them or allow them to abuse you. Sit down and have a chat with your clergyperson about the concept of honoring your parents. As an adult, your responsiblity to your parents is to make sure that they have the basics of life--food, clothing and shelter. But you are not responsible for fulfilling their every whim. Another way to honor your parents, even when they are bad parents is for you to have the strength to be a better and more productive person than they are.
I am sorry that your parents are not the people you would like them to be. Part of maturing and getting on with our lives is to see the people in our lives as they really are and accepting them or our disappointment and moving on. Again, you are not a bad child if you decide that your parents are toxic people and that your life is better off without them.
Good Luck. And I hope you find peace.

Answer 3

Try making a plan to go responsibly on your own.
If it takes two years or three, work towards your goal to be free.
What is attack? Aggressive, yelling,?
Make your self a new life.
Maybe join a fitness club and work out your frustrations.
Make your self attractive to your self in all ways. Body, mind and spirit.

Answer 4

From what you say, no, but there is something wrong with them. Ok there is something metnally or emotionally wrong with you, but it's their fault, not yours. You don't say how old you are, but I think if you're an adult, you should some how acquire custody of your sister, from them. And on the same token, you should move out.

Answer 5

Talk to your pastor, he can guide you.