Potty training my daughter has been very tough on both of us. She turned 4 two weeks ago. I need help!!?

Question

She will pee on the toilet but she has to be told to go. She has only had a bm on the toilet twice and that's after crying and sitting on the toilet forever. I have tried taking her favorite toys and movies from her but she doesn't really care. I've tried treats and a reward chart. The times that she does go I make a really big deal of it and she seems proud but she doesn't keep it up. I'm frustrated and I know that she's tired of talking about it. When I ask her why she won't go on the toilet she just says, I don't know. She's a very smart child and on task in every other way. That makes it even more difficult for me to understand why this is such a challenge for her. Family and friends suggest spanking her but I don't want to make her afraid if she has an accident. I mentioned it to her dr. and she said give her a little more time. She had an accident the last three days. Today, we both ended up in tears.

Answer 1

I can't imagine what you have been through! My daughter was also smart and strong willed and she started to present a real challenge in potty training. Fortunately, I found The Potty Stool http://www.thepottystool.com This stool makes any toilet kid- sized. My daughter did not want any help from me and with this stool she could do it all on her own. That made all the difference. I like that this stool cuts potty training in half by eliminating the potty chair. I hope this helps you.

Answer 2

It doesn't matter what they're learning, every child learns at their own pace. Don't punish her, simply reward her when she does the right thing! Perhaps she is scared that she'll fall in, and you need to put a smaller seat over for her. Perhaps it's the only control she has in her life, and so she's poohing when and where she wants, on her own terms! Does she have any control in other areas of her life (ie, would she prefer carrots and broccoli, or cauliflower and beans for dinner) small choices are a big deal for small kids.

Relax. Don't sit her on the toilet for a long time, she'll get a sore bum, and will learn to hate and be scared of it. Now you're both in tears, there's even more pressure on a 4 year old. How much pressure are you willing to put onto a small child over such a trivial thing? Did you force her to learn to walk, or simply cheer and encourage her when she tried? Did you spank her and cry when she didn't first talk properly, or did you nurture and encourage her to get it right? Kids learn everything in their own time, and the more stress you place on the situation, the longer it will take!

Answer 3

Let me just say that I am glad that someone is going through what we are going through. My daughter is 3 1/2 and still does not even pee in the potty on a regular basis and she has never pooped in the potty. Believe me when I say, we have tried it all!! We started trying to potty train a couple of months before she turned 2, because my mother swore I was potty trained by that age. She showed interest at first, but now she has a complete meltdown when she has to sit on the potty. I am with you, I do not know what else to do. People are telling us the same thing about the spanking and I regret to admit we have even tried that. It doesn't work either. I have often worried that something is wrong with her, but she is extremely intelligent in all other areas. Her Pediatrician told me that she will go in her own time and not to worry. If you find the secret way to do this, please share it with me.

Answer 4

Your relatives are idiots! Why would you spank a child for bathroom habits? (And I'm a major proponent of spanking) I have 3 children (including a 4 year old boy who STILL will not BM in the toilet) and the only thing that has ever worked is school (or daycare) where they see others who don't wear diapers anymore and want to be like everyone else. Go figure, peer pressure for a good result. Good luck.

Answer 5

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER punish a child for ANYTHING concerning potty training. You can literally mess her up for life. My teacher who is a child psychologist says some children who are punished in this way go on to have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. If she is crying on the toliet, get her off. NEVER spank, your family and friends suggesting this are cruel and uninformed. Accidents are just that ACCIDENTS. Do you think she WANTS this to happen?? Treat her the way you would want to be treated if you had an accident.
Make sure you are rewarding her for ALL of her good behavior during this difficult time.
Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 6

My own youngest daughter was not potty trained until 2 weeks before she turned 5 so I feel your pain and frustration. I had potty trained my 3 older kids with relatively little trouble plus I have been a licensed child care provider in my home for 20 years so I have assisted in potty training quite a large number of kids. With my youngest daughter, she never really fit the mold of a "typical" child. She is 10 now and has always been reluctant to try anything new. I began the potty training process with her when she was about 2 1/2 and it was disastrous. Kicking and screaming and holding her body as stiff as a board, refusing to even sit on any toilet even with her clothes on was enough to put that on hold for a few months. Age 3 rolled around and she wasn't any better. About 3 1/2 she seemed like she wanted to try, but it was short-lived. One day, not long after she turned 4, I asked her in utter exasperation "when are you going to go potty in the toilet?" She thought a few moments and confidently replied, "When I am 5 I will go potty on the toilet." So, we had a goal. After that, potty training became a non-issue at our house. Plenty of diapers, pull-ups, and big girl panties were accessible to her in her room and in the bathroom. She chose what she would wear each day, occassionally she'd use the potty on her terms. If she wet her diaper or pull-up she was taught how to change it herself. I simply told her I didn't change wet diapers for kids who were 4. If she had a bowel movement in her diaper/pull-up, I'd help her clean up, but I'd take my sweet time getting to the task. There was absolutely no bribe, threat, punishment, or reward that motivated her and we tried them all. The promise of not being able to go to school if she didn't wear underwear backfired big-time because by 4 she was advocating for me to home-school her, she did not want to go to school, she wanted to stay with me forever. Excessive praise and doing a potty-dance were really beneath her - she saw through that charade early on and wasn't buying any of it. For her and us, it worked best to put the ball in her court. She could go potty or not, it was her choice. She could wear diapers, pull-ups, panties - her choice. I was on the phone numerous times with the doctor since it was so out of the norm to have a non-diaper-free child nearing 5 years old. She assured me it was fine and she had never seen a child go to kindergarten in diapers yet. I was thinking my kid was going to be the first when 2 weeks to the day before she turned 5, she woke up in the morning, announced that she was going potty in the toilet today and was day and night trained that very day both pee and poop. She put on panties and never wore a diaper or pull-up again. She never even had an accident. She turned 5 on July 25 and our school started the last week of August so she really waited to the last minute. My advice is absolutely don't spank her. Toilet training is a skill that has to be learned and each child is ready at a different age. Also, take the pressure off her. She may feel she is being asked to perform something she really isn't quite ready to do yet. Agree to make potty training a non-issue for a while. Talk it over with her. She is probably a very smart girl, I know our daughter is so sit her down and tell her that you want her to go potty in the toilet every time and if she isn't ready, she can wear diapers/pull-ups for awhile, but she has to change her own wet ones and you'll help her with bowel movements, but only when you have time. Give her some power over the issue. Ask her when she thinks she'll be ready to use the toilet. Maybe she has a goal in mind like our daughter did. Again, please don't spank her. This is most likely not a matter of direct disobedience, but more of a matter of maturity. Spankings can't make a child mature any faster than their body is ready.

Answer 7

Every child is different. She may just not be ready yet. I don't think you should punish her and certainly not spank her. I didn't force my daughter at all to use the bathroom, I took her in with me whenever I had to go and she watched what was done and she just went in and sat down one day and has been doing it ever since. Give her time...try not to force her, the more you force her, the more she's not going to want to do it.

Answer 8

My daughter was 3 1/2, when she was almost 3 I just gave up because you can't force it on them because that is the one thing they can control. Get rid of the pull ups and/or diapers and put panties on her, she won't like it when she wets or messes them. I had almost gotten to the point where I was going to tell her she had to clean herself up when she messed, but she told me one day out of the blue that she wanted to use the potty, and that was the end of it. Yours is 4, maybe make her clean up after herself and see how she reacts (but be ready to touch up for sanitary reasons.....) Also, even after she was trained, my daughter used baby wipes to clean her bottom because little kids aren't always very good at cleaning it up.

Answer 9

I dont think spanking is the answer,give her a little more time,notice when she messes up her pants and be sure to take her at that time everyday.get her a coloringbook to take in there with her.and tell her that she has to use the potty before she can go out to play.

Answer 10

NEVER punish a child for not using the toilet. that includes taking away her toys! just keep working with her and REWARD her, dont punish her! it might take her a little longer than others but its not a big deal!