my kids are great for other people but not for me?

Question

my kids are 8 and 11, they behace great for other people but not for me, the 11yo answers back constantly and thinks she should be on equal par with me,my 8yo isnt as bad but does follow the oldests lead. i dont know what to do....its very stressful. i have tried,time out,grounding,loss of prized toys and sending to their room,all to no avail. they fight amongst themselves and antagonise each other and think they are so hard done by. they are not spoilt but do get things. i know i am doing something right because of their behaviour around other people but how do i get them to behave for me. it would be nice to have a happy home. any suggestions?

Answer 1

They are all like that. mine are 7 years and 18 months they are wonderful for others but like to push the limits with me.

Answer 2

I have babysat a lot, for family and non-relatives. I have worked in daycare also. Usually kids behave better for me than they do for their parents. And usually the case is that the parents have set a precedent for expected behavior (sometimes they don't even realize it). Are you consistent with your rules and consequences? When I take on a new client, I automatically let the kids know what I expect of them. Even the most spoiled children will behave like angels for me. I don't need to punish them with anything more than time out very occasionally. These same kids turn into brats when their parents get home. It's because they know their parents' limits, and they know what they can get away with. When they're with me, they get 1 warning, and then time out. It only takes a few times of putting them into time out, then the warnings work from then on. With parents, you're not spending only one on one time with the kids like I do. You're running errands, doing household chores, balancing a checkbook....this creates an opportunity for the kids to misbehave or try to get your attention. Not that I'm saying this is avoidable, it's just the way it is. I suggest letting your kids know the rules first off. Tell them what the consequences for their bad behavior will be right off. Once they've heard this, then give one warning, and follow up with a consequence. Do not let ANYTHING go unnoticed. If they break the rules and don't get punished, even if you were just too busy, they pick up on this and try to do it again. It becomes a game for them to see exactly how much they can get away with. Also, make sure that you spend enough one on one time with each child. No matter how busy you are, you have to make sure you do this. A little consistency goes a long way. I'm not telling you to be a hard a** all the time. Because once you've done this for a little while, it will be automatic for the kids to behave, or to stop once they've gotten their warning. You just have to show them you mean business.

Answer 3

They know what they can get by with when they are with you. When they are with other people, they don't know their boundaries, so they keep in check.
I don't tolerate back talking, or allowing my son to think he's on an equal level with me. He knows he's the kid, I'm the dad. He also knows what I do is for him, and to make him a better person.
Time out, grounding, and taking away toys aren't effect unless you rip 'em a new one first.
Lots of people are against spanking, but it gets results and you dont' have to do it all the time. After once or twice, they realize you mean biz.
Here's what I would do. The next back talk..no questions ask, rip 'em a new one. Then time out, and no toys.
It'll get results.

Answer 4

As you said....you are doing something right as they are good for others. Continue to punish but try taking things out of their rooms. Everytime they are rude or talk back go in and take a favoutite possession and it is yours until behaviour improves. If this leaves them with a matteress and blanket then they will get the message. As the parent you deserve the most respect.

Answer 5

Well, I can understand that problem as a parent first sit and talk with your child one on one first the youngest since that one is the follower and then the leader. Next write out some things you would like to see them improve on and have them write down somethings they feel is the reason they act out and work on them and if you have each child write and visualize this then you could get results sooner than you expect. If you reward them of these things too often that may backfire; you want your child to respect you at home as well as in public. Your children will try to get away with as much as you let them. Be firm and stick to the punishment, and do not punish them together unless it is a mutual crime. If it's the leader that is causing the problem and the follower is acting the same pick one and send that one to their room and then hold back on the things they like to do the most and refer to your list of things you wanted to them improve on. Get reinforcement from other parent or other family members. Different tactics work for different children if disciplining the old fashion way(belt) is not a method of choice find one that fits you. Children naturally love there parents and disciplining is needed to set boundaries. You can do it! We as parents learn as we go children are different and things that worked for our parents might not work for our kids but might work for our grands!! Mix up disciplenarian actions and spend more time with each of them rather than both of them all the time. There might be jealousy brewing and showing that mothering affection in a peaceful setting with one of your children at a time will get you the information that could help you do your duty better. Children are ready to talk if you give them the chance to say exactly how they feel the only way they know how to say it.

Answer 6

Considering their age, hopefully they will mature or "grow out of it." However, under no circumstances should you let them get away with back talking you. You have to get respect from them. It's normal I guess for kids to be more relaxed at home to express themselves, but you need to set some limits before they become teens. Maybe you should start by cutting off any of the extra stuff or things that you get them until they take you seriously.

Answer 7

Sounds like they need consistency and reinforcement. Tell them what you want them to do and make sure they do it. Follow through with what you say. Don't just say, for example, clean your room or you won't get to do "whatever". Then turn around and let them do it without their room being clean. Stick to your rules. They have no respect for you right now, so you will have to make them learn to respect you by making sure they do the things you want them to do, or not to do. It is all up to you to do the parenting thing. I know it is hard but it will be worth it in the end.

Answer 8

I think every parent has this problem. their really is not a solution other then time out or standing in the corner. My sister and i are trying to send her kids (2 and 6) to bed half an hour early for fighting.

Answer 9

if they are behaving for others and not for you it says that they may get away with behaving like that for you or since they know you will always love them they can behave badly around you coz they feel that "mum/dad will always love us"

Answer 10

Welcome to the club.....wish I had an answer....mine are 3 and 8 and the EXACT same way. Everyone thinks they are Angels......not around me. It must be a mom thing.