Hi people. I am sixteen years old, and I have gone to a Pentecostal church since i was six. There they prohibit pants for women, and many other things like wearing make-up, jewelry, and going to the movies. I believed all this for the longest time, and disposed myself of all the things that my church considered 'bad'. I made it all the way from sitting in service, to being usher, to being a sunday school teacher, to preaching in youth services, and singing in the church choir. But I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and i just don't believe the stuff they believe anymore. I tried reasoning with myself and make some logic of their doctrines, but i couldnt. Even though i know i cannot believe what they do, i feel like i am letting God and the whole church down by leaving. It is saturday night, tomorrow i am going to church to give my pastor the news. I need help on what to say, they have been like family to me and I feel like im about to turn into some sort of prodigal daughter.
2007-09-08 14:44:33 · 46 answers · asked by chocolatechipcookies2006 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I think that church is very important and you have been very involved in the ministry. That is something to be proud of however I do not believe that scriptures prohibits pants for women or make-up and jewelry. Of course both women and men should dress decently but there is nothing indecent about pants. Don't quit church all together. If your are leaving the church that you have been attending find another one.
When you discuss this with your pastor be respectful. Don't lose your temper. Stand firm. Tell him you respect how he feels but you cannot agree with his doctrine and that, while you will be leaving this church, you haven't given up on God and will find another. Good luck and God bless.
2007-09-08 14:59:06 · answer #1 · answered by arikinder 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
A better answer would be possible if we really knew why you "can't go to his church anymore" and just what "stuff" you have trouble with. Do they teach not to cut your hair? If they don't the rest doesn't matter anyway. It is hard to imagine there is even a Pentecostal church in the U.S. which teaches proper dress!
You say you made it all the way from sitting in service, to being an usher to a sunday school teacher, to preaching in youth services and singing in the church choir. What has this got to do with your heart and soul? Or God for that matter?
The bottom line seems to be you no longer feel like family. I don't know if it's a boy friend, like The Pastor here says, but I do know these things go to relationships and desires over and above doctrine.
Based on what you have and have not said, and the fact you are or could be a junior or senior next year; I am kinda concerned for you. You don't mention your biological family at all. I get more a picture of you being fed to the Lions; not the prodigal daughter you imagine.
Think about this. You disposed yourself of the things your church considered bad. You can't go to the pastor's church anymore. You have been thinking it over. Now you want some help to avoid pain and let yourself and everyone else down easy. Not one word about Jesus Christ.
Simply tell the pastor you can no longer live a life that reflects well on Pentecostal teaching and cannot in good conscience continue to attend. Thank him for his concern and move on to your new set of conformities.
2007-09-08 17:43:01 · answer #2 · answered by Tommy 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Good luck on whenever it is that you decide to speak with your pastor. If you feel like tomorrow is the right time, then do it. If you feel as though you're going to need to wait and set up an appointment like some of these people have suggested, then so be it.
I'm not sure what some of these people are going on about..regarding a boyfriend, and what not. No, you are not being fed to the lions. It sounds (from what you've explained), as though you've come to the realization of what it is that you believe and it's alignment with the Word of God. Good on you, for realizing this now, and knowing what you can digest and what you cannot. Do you have any ideas of where it is that you would like to worship in the future? Do you know what sort of place you would feel comfortable in?
My only suggestions would be to keep it simple and firm. You don't need to go into great detail, as your pastor will tend to be on the defense anyway (if you are criticizing certain aspects of the church). It may just turn the conversation into one that is longer than it need be. You don't need to sit there and discuss some sort of reasoning for everything. I would simply state my case, and thank him with sincerity (which it sounds as though you posess), and leave.
People leave churches all the time, and he may just be happy that you actually took the time to speak with him in the first place. But don't say I didn't tell you so, if he doesn't come back at you with some scripture to tell you why you are wrong....just thank him, smile and go about your way.
Good luck :)
2007-09-08 18:42:22 · answer #3 · answered by maphiaLu™ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From what you've written, your pastor is not a fantastic and nice guy; he's an abusive bully. The way he is treating you is mentally abusive, he is using guilt to try to get you back into the flock. Let me say it again, he's a bully. He has no right to treat you that way. You don't need to tell him anything, he has no legal right to have an explanation from you and anything you try to say he will just twist to try to get you to do what he wants you to do, i.e. come back to church. Standing up to a bully, especially one who has been an authority figure in your life for a long time is very difficult. I don't know your age, but it sounds like you could benefit from speaking with a counselor. You mentioned going to school, does your school have a counselor that you can talk too? If so you might find the help you are looking for there. Best of luck to you.
2016-05-19 23:29:36 · answer #4 · answered by cinda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right, God looks on the heart and does not condemn you for your appearence when your heart is open before him. The holiness dress code is a law that God did not establish but he does want us to dress as you would if He were going with you during the day, (which He is). You shouldn't dress to cause other men to lust after you and this is the difference. But if you must leave this Church, find one that doesn't make laws of anything but the Law of unconditional love. Try Jerry Savelle ministries on the web. But realize that whatever decision is made, let the Holy Spirit lead you and you shall never go wrong..
2007-09-08 14:57:22 · answer #5 · answered by *DestinyPrince* 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
First pray about it. Then research your specific questions (dress, entertainment, etc) in the Bible. Then pray again. Make sure you know what you think before making any decisions.
Remember, as Christians we do not answer to a church organization. We answer to God. Since you're sixteen, (I'm forty six) you must also answer to your parents. Form your objections logically - write them down! Then take them to your parents first. Remember, your father is priest of his house. Let him answer your questions first.
When I learned the pastor at the church I was attending did not accept the Bible was True, I went up to him privately and said "I cannot continue at this church because you have stated the Bible is not True. Please remove my name from the roll". Then left. That was that.
This told him exactly why, and gave him a chance to correct his speech. It allowed me to be totally honest.
May God bless you cousin, and your search for the Truth.
2007-09-08 16:10:09 · answer #6 · answered by "Ski" 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Just say that you will always love and cherish what this church has done for you and how they were just like an extended family, but you feel God leading you in another direction and must go elsewhere to continue your spiritual path. That way, you don't even have to give specifics about how you don't like their teachings anymore. Of course, he might still ask for details, anyway, and then you'd have to tell the truth, but stick to your guns and say that you need to follow a different path according to what you believe God to be telling you. Good luck!
2007-09-08 14:57:50 · answer #7 · answered by Antique Silver Buttons 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie, it's gonna come out pretty much the same no matter how you tell them. "Sorry, but I really don't feel like this church or this faith is the right path for me and I have to do what is right for me." I don't envy you for being in this position--it has to be an awkward one for you.
The important thing is to be firm in your assertion or else they might just try to talk you back into their church, without considering how you really feel about the whole thing. Then your feelings and theirs will wind up getting hurt, and no one will benefit in the end. Life is all about setting your own boundaries, though, so chin up kiddo--there are more of these same kinds of moments in life ahead!
But congratulations on making up your own mind to question the things which so many never do, and for deciding not to let guilt be your cause for inaction! You display alot of maturity in making such a choice--and if by doing so you are letting "God" down, then it sounds like it's time to take the questions a little further!
2007-09-08 15:00:26 · answer #8 · answered by starkneckid 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
First of all pray about it, make sure that you don't believe this way anymore because you want to do some of the things that the Pentecostals are against... what ever your decision is be honest with yourself and with God. There are plenty of other good churches. May God Bless you in your decision.
2007-09-08 14:59:32 · answer #9 · answered by judy_derr38565 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is very simple...you just tell the pastor after the service "thanks" for the time you have spent with me...and leave it at that. IF you say anything else, there is going to be one heck of a ruckus trying to keep you in the church..you will be shown the "error of your ways, young lady!" They will do everything in their power to keep you there...and there is no sense in having to endure this crap...for that is exactly what it is. They will be losing a soon to be paying member of that church...that is just the way it goes. If you are going to be true to God, and true to yourself, you cannot act in a hypocritical way. You no longer believe that women are second class citizens for men to control as they see fit. Good for you! You are not a prodigal daughter, but a young woman who can no longer put up with the nonsense as you see it. You are NOT letting God down, trust me on that one. God cares not how you pray, where you pray...God cares more that you are a good person, a loving soul, and not a liar...were you to stay in that church, feeling as you do, you would be living a lie...and that is not in God's plan for anyone. Peace and Love, Goldwing
2007-09-08 14:53:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋