tell me if i'm wrong:?

Question

- in april of this year a friend of mine asked me could she borrow $100. because she had spent more money than she was supposed to. she's addicted to ebay.her husband established a budget for her to save money. i loaned the money without hesitation.
= during the summer this same friend had surgery & called me to borrow more money this time to cover her co-pay for a pain medication. i loaned her $50.
= the next day she purchased a clothing item and gave it to my oldest daughter. i was angry but did not say anything.
= on sunday past i called her asking her to repay her loans... the first thing out of her mouth was that she didn't owe me anything; the money was a gift.
=i'm a housewife.
= she gave me $50...i did not speak to her for almost 72 hrs. then i emailed her to explain why i was upset.
= she gave me $100 today but was visibly angry.
= was i wrong to ask her to repay the loans?
= should i have waited longer?
= why do i feel so guilty?
= i'm sad but she's angry, why?

Answer 1

You're probably sad because your friend is acting irrationally and selfishly. You loaned her money without question as a good gesture and she isn't responding graciously, instead it sounds like she's acting quite childishly. I think just the fact she's your friend is what is causing the guilt - but you really don't need to feel guilty over this, your friend is behaving very rudely and taking advantage of your kindness.

She may have thought the clothing she gave to your daughter was 'payment' but that really isn't any excuse. If she knew the money was a loan and not a gift, she knew she would have to repay it.

Just handle it with grace and dignity. You could write a short, friendly email or give her a call explaining you're sad and want to know what's going on with the situation and if she'd like to discuss it, your door is open. If she doesn't respond or is rude about it, let her go and don't try to press it further. A good friend would never act that way and isn't worth your time.

Answer 2

Wow, No you are not wrong but now you know better the next time a "friend" ask you for money.

This time charge it to the game(take it as a loss) next time...

You have to decide which is more important the friend or the money. If the friendship is more important say I cant afford to loan you any money. It's your money you do not have to offer any other explanation, If they are upset and stop talking to you then they were not a friend in the 1st place.
If you never care about speaking to the friend again loan them the money it's a cheap easy way to get someone out of your life without animosity or guilt on your part.
Never loan someone more than you can afford to give away.
You are not rich your money doesn't work for you. You work too hard for your money.

I NEVER borrow from or loan money to my friends because it will always every time will ruin any relationship. Marriages fall apart over money, I don't know why people don't understand that friendships can too.

Answer 3

You just say she's a friend of yours, you don't say how close. If she's your best friend, she's really not a friend to get angry when you expect that kind of money back. Five or ten dollars here and there shouldn't break anybody. If she's just a casual friend she shouldn't be asking in the first place. Sounds to me like there's a ton of financial mess on her end, and besides, how do you know she's telling the truth why she needs the money? Unfortunately there's a lot of people out there who don't have enough of a conscience and will take advantage of someone who IS a good friend. Don't feel guilty, don't be sad but most importantly...DON'T give her money again!

Answer 4

You have every right to demand that your so-called friend pay you back the money you loaned her. You should not feel sad or guilty and your so-called friend has nothing to be angry about. Next time someone asks you if they can borrow money ask yourself "can I afford to give this money away and never get it back?" - if you can, then make the loan, if you can't then just say NO! More friendships are lost over money.

Answer 5

You have every right to be angry. She had plenty of time to pay you back, plus the first $100 you loaned her was because she was irresponsible. In addition to that, it was wrong of her to assume that the money was a gift. A person should always have the intention of repaying a friend unless that friend says in the beginning that it's a gift. She's angry because she had to pay the money back. Plain and simple. She's hardly a friend if she isn't considerate toward you. You have no reason to feel guilty.

Answer 6

You are not wrong. You are 100% justified in asking for what you are owed. Bottom line you helped her! Next time when she comes to you for money, dont give it to her.

In the future, if your going to LOAN money to someone, have them sign something stating that it is a loan and they agree to repay it, as well as the terms that go along with the loan (when they are expected to pay pack the loan as well as the amount they are expected to repay). If you receive payments toward the loan make sure that a receipt of some sort is written up stating how much was payed toward the loan and what the balance due is.
When you are dealing with loans it is always important to make sure that you are legally covered.

Answer 7

I agree with MulgaBob
never lend a money to a friend (especially when its a huge amount) it's seriously going to ruin a good friendship 99%
either you fight because you bug her or she just vanishes into thin air.
if she's annoyed because you denied her request... she might get frustrated.. but sooner or later it'll fade away and you'll still be friends....
plus, once you've lent someone money.. they become too comfortable with it and would ask you for more (benefactor?)

drop her.. she's no good.. you have other friends out there
then the next time someone else borrows from you.. tell her a white lie.. like "I don't have extra cash right now" or "I'm saving up for something important, sorry" though it may sound ridiculous to her, it will give her a signal that your answer was "no"

plus, you already know her "financial capabilities" (the ebay thing), why on earth did you still lend her money? do you think she will have a different attitude towards that???

Answer 8

your friend is a user, this is someone who wants everyone to give them but they never want to repay. In the future never loan her money or any of your other friends who have been placed on similar budgets. You should not feel guilt except maybe for giving her the money in the first place which I am sure you regret. Do not fall into her trap, if shes angry then let her be angry. This is not your problem its hers. Just thank your lucky stars you got your money back and you are done with this wild ride.

Answer 9

Well you left out some key components in your story-
Did you 2 talk about the length of time it would take her to pay it back?
Did you offer to take payments until it was paid off?
As far as I can tell by your story, you were not wrong in asking her to repay the loan, but also depends on the tone you used. Some people just feel guilty when they have to 'hunt down' the person who borrowed the money just to ask them to pay it back. If she is angry, and you did nothing wrong, I would say that she was never really a friend, but just an acquaintance. Best of luck.

Answer 10

Never lend money to a friend - it is a dead set sure way to break up the friendship.

Then again, lending money to a 'friend', soon establishes whether this person is a good friend or not.

A good friend will appreciate the loan & pay it back as soon as possible. This person has no scruples or morals by the looks of things. She has probably done the same thing to other, as well.

You shouldn't be too upset - you've done nothing wrong. Do you really want friends who act like that?

If I was you, I'd let her make the next contact. Then if she is OK just play it by ear as to how things between you continue. But, for the sake of harmony, don't lend her anymore money. Tell her you don't have it....or use some other excuse.