Roommate wants boyfriend to move in - how can I say no?

Question

My roommate has a very insecure relationship with her boyfriend of 8 months. They argue constantly and she is ALWAYS complaining to me about it. He doesn't have his own place - he sublets rooms every month though he's always here. She mentioned having him just start staying here and paying us rent since he's always here anyway. I don't see him often since they're always hanging out in her room, but I also live in a small NYC apartment and did not initially agree to live with them two. Though the extra money sounds tempting, it's not worth it since they have such an unstable relationship. Part of me thinks she wants to have him here so she can keep tabs on him all the time. I'm afraid that since I said no, he'll just subelt a place but stay here instead just to spite me. Even though he doesn't interfere with me, it's still my apartment too and I'm a little sick of him being here. I would never ask for my boyfriend to move in with us. Am I being unreasonable? How can I handle this?

Answer 1

You are not being unreasonable.

You should not have to live with someone or with a situation you are not comfortable with.

Talk to your roommate and her boyfriend and explain to them the reasons why you feel uneasy about this arrangement. Could you possibly do a trial run for a few months? Let them know that if there is constant arguing or drama, you will not put up with it.

Check with your landlord as some places have limits on how many people can live in one apartment and/or have rules about sub-lessors.

Whatever you do, make sure you have the arrangement down in writing. Good luck.

Answer 2

No, you're totally in the right. Since you and your roommate are the primary renters, both of you need to agree on whether a third person can move in (or if your name is the only one the lease, then it's all you). Just tell them that the place is already small enough and having a guy live there makes you uncomfortable. In other words, you'd have to be extra careful about whether your pajamas show too much, possibly walking in on each other in the bathroom, etc etc. You shouldn't have to feel on guard in your own home, and since you're one of the main renters, your needs come before his. Plus, your landlord may not approve of a sublet, which could get you into trouble. Good luck with your situation.

Answer 3

Sit down and talk to your room mate. Tell her that you did not agree to share with your apartment with a third person. Both need to establish some ground rules.

Him staying there most of the time is infringing on your initial agreement with her and it not working out for you. Be firm but nice. what the two of you decide is none of his business, he doesn't live there. Her responsibility to deal with him.

If she decides to change the rules, you could look for another room mate, give her 30 days notice (unless there is a lease in which case you have legal recourse so that he does not move in), and get out. Sounds like too much stress.

Your life is not about her and his needs.

Answer 4

You need to speak to your roommate privately and be clear. When it comes to living arrangements, the adult thing to do is to be clear about what you're willing to live with and to speak politely but directly with any roommates you have.

Explain to her that you don't wish to live with her boyfriend, which is what she's proposing. You want a stable and comfortable environment, and you don't choose to have her boyfriend as a roommate. If you feel the need to explain yourself, explain that you're uncomfortable with the idea of being directly affected by their arguments, and that you don't think he'd be a stable roommate from a financial or emotional perspective.

Take a look at your rental agreement. If you can't afford to maintain this place on your own, you need to do some serious thinking. She might decide to simply move out and live with this guy. I would begin to save enough money so that if you find you need a place to live--or need to live in another place--you can without a financial crisis.

Answer 5

There are ways around this but it takes patience. Is she on the lease? If not get rid of her. Are the bills in your name? Shut off all the bills that are in your name, find some other way to get along. You can tell your roomate that he can move in but he has to have the bills in his name. They probably eat your food don't they-if they do then buy food that they won't eat or won't prepare. Make their stay as uncomfortable as you can but play dumb. Be creative-don't break the law and have fun. Take out all the stuff that is yours that they use-T.V., pots and pans etc. You can always say that to be on a lease requires a background check. Go to your landlord and tell him the situation-tell your roomate that the landlord said that only two people can be on the lease.

Answer 6

The lease is in your name, so you have the right to allow who you want to live there. Have you heard the saying "just say no!!" You don't have to explain to anyone. She might get mad and move out, and they can share a place, which might hurt you financially, but the peace of mind would be worth it. You need to explain to him that to stay is out of the question, and she needs to get over it. Once he moves in he has a say on what goes on in the household, and two against one is not a good number.

Answer 7

properly, first you could make helpful that your hire is up... or you're to blame for 0.5 of the fees until eventually then. Telling her earlier later is your suitable guess, yet you could attempt to stay out the hire as properly as letting her come across a clean roommate in that factor to purpose to maintain issues cool between the two one in each of you. If she is a robust pal... she would be in a position to recover from it! good success

Answer 8

Find your backbone or you've got yourself a roomie you don't want.

"This is our apartment, Susie, yours and mine. If I'd wanted a third roommate I'd have looked for one, but I don't. In fact, I don't even like Jimbo staying overnight and spending all his free time here. It's like having the third roommate I don't want, only he doesn't pay rent. I think you and I need to sit down along and hammer out some rules for visitors that we can both live with."

And do it.

Answer 9

You are not being unreasonable. Let her know you will be unconfortable with her male boyfriend moving in. Come up with a reasonable arguement as to why you think it is a bad idea for him to move in.
*The apartment is not large enough for 3
*When they fight it will effect you all
*You do not want to live with a man

Answer 10

before anyone needs to move in the landlord has to approve. i assume the two of you signed a lease or agreement, only those who sign it need to be living there. what if this guy is a pothead or dangerous? it's not fair to you either and your roomie needs to grow up. if he does move in he has to pay the same rent you to do and do his share of the work. peace!