Am I right or wrong by being strict with my children.....?

Question

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My daughter is now 17, in the school 6th form year 1.

This was not my wish though.

She deliberately failed her GCSE's or at least didnt try or study for them.
Basically, she wanted to stay on in school and not go onto College yet.
She is delaying "grown up" studies and life.

It hurts me to say, but she has become untrustful, very very lazy and has no "drive" or ambition.

She had a nice little part time job, but gave it up.

A lot of her friends parents are affluent etc.
We are not, and I like to go by my fore parents way of things.
Work hard for your rewards in life.

I wanted her to go to College.
Resit a couple of important GCSE's.
Gain some NVQ's.
Work the odd evening to fund her life style.

Is this so wrong?

She's now gone back to school to resit the deliberate failures.
Wont do any further studies.
Wont work.

(scream)........Help.................................

Comments so far are great Thanks.

However.....

We have talked and discussed things.


SHE is in the 6th form to resit her grade D's.

No A levels.

Tell me what difference a grade C is compared to a D.
Nowt I tell you!

So my point is she is "wasting a year of her life" when she could move upto the next level by going to college!

Also, in my book, a grade C is approx 45% - 50% mark.
Grade D is 45%-30%.

Surely anyone can see how poor those marks are?

When I go through CV's, this is considered the lowest level of education that is attainable.

jesselynn_81

I think you are the only person so far who has really understood the question!!

John H

Good Answer, a lot of sense there!

Answer 1

i have to agree. you need to set her on her way when she hits 18.. or at least set rules.. first if she's not going to go to college she needs to pay living expenses... rent, food, cell, and anything else she would be given..


I hate to say it.. but ive noticed the trend that kids think they deserve cell and internet and cars and money just given to them.. when i was raised I worked for extra money.. got my first job at 16 i moved out and worked and paid bills as soon as i graduated.. I am just now returning to college to further my education cause i am paying for it.. im 26.

it sound like your daughter is feeling envious of her friends situation and thinks she shouldnt have to work..

she will learn soon enough. life bites hard when your not ready for it!

Answer 2

You are the mother but you sound like her two year old sister. You are not a dictator so stop dictating. You job is to guide her. Did you ask her why she is feeling the way she is? Is it fear of responsibility or something else. Instead of pushing her away with your hard ways ask her what she is going through. It is obvious something has changed. Did she deliberately fail or was something bothering her? Does she seem different? If it involves a boy your best bet is to show her what labor is like this will set her straight. A girl needs to have a foundation before she has a boyfriend or sex otherwise all you are left with is a bunch of kids and no else. This is reality. Now start asking questions and help her who cares how you feel. You are only good to her if you know what she needs. You never stop being a mother no matter what the age.

Answer 3

I guess you have to give your kids some motivation but they also have to make their own choices in life about what they wanna do and also make and learn from their own mistakes. I don't see anything wrong staying another year in school. I also was a year behind in school and I took a year out as well. I did worry about being behind but I found in college that there is no certain age or being behind on things because people at college are all different ages some mature students there as well etc. I didn't get very good GCSE's either. I got a few D's but I had enough to do an intermediat course at college.

Answer 4

ermmm I think ur wrong there. because if you fail your GSCE's you cant do ur A levels which is in 6 form.

so she cant go to 6th form and resit her GSCE's she would have to college.

you do know if she gained dgrade F that isnt a fail, a fail is U so if she had F's and G's they are passes so she is doing her A Levels which are really good.

also if you are pushing her to hard all she wants is a bit of freedom and fun, dont be too strict I have seen a load of my girl mates fall pregnant or drugs because they tried to get the fun they never had.

give her some time its never to late. im 19 left school at 15 with no GCSE's, but now im doing the ILEX route one evaning a week while I work so in a few years im hoping to be a qualified solicitor. so give her a break

Answer 5

I don't think you are being too strict. You are trying to guide your daughter towards an independent, adult life. She has to learn some very hard lessons about life and at the moment that includes getting the best education she can. It is probably difficult for her if she has friends who can afford things she feels are denied her, but at 17 years of age she is certainly old enough to appreciate that you are not in a position to provide the same level of material things, even if you wanted too.
Having said that, pushing her too hard could be a mistake on your part. Encouragement will probably be better than lectures on hard work etc.

Answer 6

while i substitute right into a youngster, I remember thinking my mothers and fathers have been strict, yet I understand now that if I even have teenagers i visit be too. listed right here are my strategies approximately your regulations: a million. definite, parental supervision is somewhat significant, yet they choose for area too. So, be there, yet provide them room to improve and adventure existence. 2. I had friends who have been inflicted by this rule. My first boyfriend substitute into at 15, yet i understand I wasn't like many different teenagers at present. they're having intercourse at 11, 12 and that freaks me out! yet i'm uncertain I accept as true with the requiring A's to pass to promenade. that's promenade afterall. B's are rather existence like. 3. i think of that's somewhat overboard. you do no longer could take them to an post-mortem the 1st time they're caught. Why do no longer you are trying purely speaking to them first and looking out out why they did it? that's such as you're already assuming they're criminals. in case you earn their have confidence from the beginning up, the lots extra possibly they are going to pay attention once you tell them to no longer do some thing. My mothers and fathers did and that i've got in no way smoked or completed drugs, and that i did no longer drink till college (even then it wasn't on the component of what others did), using fact I had their voices interior the returned of my strategies. From what you stated right here, you do no longer look way too strict, yet perhaps those human beings see issues you do no longer. you're babies could experience tender coming abode, no longer under a scrutinizing eye.

Answer 7

Troubling question, - with two sides.

You:
You're right to try and make her see that
she needs to prepare herself for life as an
adult, that things are about to get harder,
and shes got to be ready to deal with the
real world.

Her:
She may see some of this, and be scared.
Growing up all the way is hard, and may-be
she's scared and in denial. (Figures she can
just ignore it and stay a kid for a while longer).

Being too harsh wont help, but supportive
'pushing` might be effective. The 'carrot`
instead of the 'stick` might be the best way
for you to go.
When you tell her "These exams will affect
the whole rest of your life!", (true), you increase
the pressure and thus the resistance.

Answer 8

Mum i can see where your coming from.
IF your daughter is not working then how is she funding her life style ?if you or Pops ain't giving her the money,, oh but you are because you want to show your daughter that you love her and care about her. Why not give her an incentive like a first car,if she gets into the study and takes up a part time job tell her you'll open a deposit account and save for her first set of wheels,,you practically funding her now anyway.

Answer 9

Well at least by staying on at school she is working to do her a levels, maybe you should encourage her at the moment to work towards those and when shes 18 and finished she can go back and retake some of her gcses like at college. At least shes going into further education, by leaving now and going to college shes probably going to be worse off.

Answer 10

Dont force what you want onto her.
but dont be a pushover.
sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you start to try, work hard, and get to the top.
shes just rebelling against, or so it seems.
dont buy her so much, and dont give her money when she asks
she hasn't earned it and she can't expect mommy and daddy to come to the rescue all the time, its her own fualt she quit her job it of course would be a different story if she did for more time to concentrate on school but no offence in this case it sounds like shes being a really immature, ungrateful spoiled brat.
you probably do need to toughen up a bit on her, but dont try to push her into doing what schooling YOU want her to do.
(btw sry for the bluntness on what i think about her..)