My Dad's Dead?

Question

i'm 17 and my Dad died about 3years ago, but it didn't faze me at all. I'm not exatterating either, i really didn't care. I never really knew him but my mom hated him more than anything. He was the worst person ever and done the worst things to my mom. My mom also told me that when i was a baby he used to abuse me physically. I have no recolection of him at all as they split when i was very young maybe 2 or 3. My older brother on the other hand remembers him but didn't like him at all. A few years before he died social services asked him if he wanted to see us. He said that he didn't want to know me but he wanted to see my brother. This again didn't faze me at all. The day i found out he died i was asked if i wanted to go to the funeral....i didn't go and neither did my brother. Everybody expects me to be really upset about all of it and when i say i don't care people think i'm just trying to be tough or something. Am i strange? Should i feel more upset about this stuff? please help

Answer 1

No it's not strange at all, I feel the same way about my own Biological father. Don't worry about it.
He's a stranger, so why would you have cared anyway?

Answer 2

Your'e acting quite appropriately! My kid's biological father left when my youngest was only a few months old. He did the "father" thing when he was in the mood. Other times, nothin'! No b-day cards, no Christmas presents. He only lives about 15 minutes away. My kids are grown and have families if their own. My husband, their stepfather, their "daddy" has been there for them. The ex had three more kids and is divorced again. It's the people who helped raise you and nourish your soul that counts. Not someone who, pardon my French, spewed out a seed. Uncles, grampas, step fathers, all count. You have a right to feel how you feel without question and guilt.

Answer 3

That really makes me irritated when people tell others how they should feel when it comes to death...You are normal, you are just handling things differently than people expect. Your "birth-father" was not a dad to you, more like some random entity that was in your life at some point that had held no special meaning to you. Most people believe that we should be overcome with grief over the death of a relative (especially a parent or pseudo-parent in your case), and think someone is heartless and cold who shows no feeling. That's total bullsh**. People don't know what kind of person he was to you, so they have no right to tell you how you should feel. He wanted nothing to do with you because probably he felt guilty for abusing you. Great, he died with guilt on his conscience. Does that mean anything to you, no it doesn't. You should not have to feel anything for him. He was insiginificant while he was alive and is still now he is gone. You are who you are with or without this person who aided in your conception.

Answer 4

My grandma was abusive to my mom and her other kids when they were growing up. She emotionally abused me and the rest of her grandchildren. My grandma is cruel, spiteful, abusive, judgemental, and manipulative. When it comes the time when she dies I know I will be in the same situation as you. Why cry for someone who is a negative in your life? No it's not strange the best thing you can do is move on and NEVER let people tell you how YOU should feel!

Answer 5

only you can make the choice whether or not to be upset over something. if he didn't mean much, if anything, to you, and you don't really know him, then i think it reasonable to not be upset. i don't really see how you can be upset if you barely know him, but you know that he was horrible, abused you and doesn't want anything to do with you. who thinks you're trying to be tough? do they know why you're not upset? if so, then they obviously just don't understand. if not, then it's understandable that they'd expect you to be upset - a dad is meant to be a very special person to someone, a big part of the family. they don't know the truth, so they'd expect you to be upset.

hope this has helped.

Answer 6

There is nothing wrong with you for not caring about this because you are only 17 and you never knew him and he was not nice and he did not have anything to offer you so it seems you did not lose much. you have a father though. The bible says though your father and mother deny you God will not. You have the best most perfect father who is there for you just call on him when you need him he will answer. abba father,daddy God. He loves you.

Answer 7

no your not strange or anything you said your self that you didn't know him... it would be like reading about a guy in the paper who had died... why would you even care what other people think.. and this happened 3 years ago just tell people to let it go and get over it if they insist on treating you differently take it for what its worth....

Answer 8

When my mom died I didn't got to her funeral because she was evil towards me and she was in my life until she passed away I was 35 when she died.....she had 5 children and only 3 went...I could have gone but I didn't want to leave my husband and son to go to her funeral when she was abusive to me and would often tell me she hated me.....my dad didn't go either.....now when my husband passed away that hit me hard as it did our son who was 8 years old at the time we still miss him he was very loving and in touch with his emotions.......when my grandma died I felt as if my world would come to an end she was so strong and I was very close to her (my mom's mom) I don't think there is anything wrong with you and don't let anyone feel as if you should have gone to your dad's funeral......

Answer 9

It sounds to me like you have every right not to feel anything towards your father as he did nothing to be a part of your life. If people are expecting you to feel more, they should just mind their own business and let you do what is best for you.

Answer 10

People don't understand what your life was like, so you don't have to explain to anyone. The only thing sad about the whole thing is your father was rotten and you where better for not being around him. You can't feel sad for something you never had.