i lost my grandma a year ago today, why does it still hurt?

Question

this pain is not getting any better, its getting worse. I was really close to my grandma, i saw her almost everyday of my life, i even took care of her when she was at home, i would get her something to eat, get her meds, help her to get into bed and out, and if needed help her get dressed, i love my grandma to death, and i never wanted to loose her. Will this pain get better? why do i still have the image of her laying in the ICU dead? and dont be a effin jerk and leave a disrespectful comment, b/c my grandma is way to speical to be disrepected on.

Answer 1

Sweetie, there is no good answer for you. I am so sorry for your loss. Grandparents today have become as important as parents in their grandchildren's eyes since they are often the only people available all the time for them. The pain will lessen over time but the heartache will always be there. My grandmother passed away 30 years ago and it still hurts. I will forever miss her. But sometimes I feel that she is very close by, like when I'm making dinner, and I remember how she taught me to do it. Or when I play games with my own granddaughter, games she played with me. You will never lose the image of her in the ICU. I found my grandmother dead on her bed. I'll never forget it. I'm glad that you got to spend so much close time with her, hold those moments closest to your heart. God bless you and your grandma.

Answer 2

The healing process is different for everyone. It could take you a month and it could take you several years to get over a loss, but the important thing is not to let the depression overcome you.

It usually helps to imagine how, if your grandmother is still alive in an afterlife or in some other form, she would want you to lead the rest of your life.

For you to love her so much, she must have been a very special person. So I imagine she would want you to be happy.

It can get very tough since, if you are mourning, you can be quite difficult to be around. Because of this, it may be hard to spend time with friends or make new ones. And, because of this, the mourning can take over.

Try to make an effort. Try to keep a good schedule, put in an effort to see your friends and don't feel bad if you dismiss thoughts of your grandmother while you're having fun - Remember that she would want you to have fun, not to spend all of your time mourning her.

I hope you can overcome your loss and I hope this helped.

Answer 3

when you love someone, you pray that they will always be a part of your life. To lose someone who means the world to you hurts in ways that humans may never understand. You may be feeling this way because you became someone she depended on. To top it off, you did things that you felt would help her stay here such as bringing her medicine, get out of bed, and feeding her. The reason you still hurt is because you have began to take blame for her death. But you did everything you could to make her feel comfortable. You will continue to feel pain until you realize some of the best moments you all had together. Seeing her in the ICU dead is dwelling in your memory when you should focus on the better times you all had in life. Until you can realize these things, you will continue to feel pain.

Answer 4

My heart goes out to you and I empathize with your loss. I'm not unfamiliar with the kind of suffering you're going through.

Well, it likely will get better over time, during the first year you are still only beginning to process this trauma and loss. Give yourself the time and privacy to mourn/cry when you feel the need. This helps on a physical level, to 'download' the emotional side of it. What I found, surprisingly, was that I began to remember things (about my dad) that we did together and I'd laugh or feel pride without the pain. You may find that your grandma is sort of living in you, because she gave so much of herself to you, became a part of you. This is a whole other level of awareness, and I think it surfaces after the distress of loss begins to lessen.
It's most challenging to face and process this kind of thing. As common as it is, we aren't prepared for it. Few people learn, really, how to deal.
Please consider consulting a family counselor for a brief time, the support can be instrumental in your grief recovery. You can get the inspiration for ways to approach and manage your healing.
They really do live in our hearts. It's different, but they're there.
Wishing you peace.

Answer 5

Yes it hurts and well it should . Sounds like you and you Grandma were very close Both of you are so fortunate to have had each other . !
The pain will be there every time you think about her and miss her ,but with time the pain won't sting quite so badly
Get out some really fun Pictures of Grandma, put them where ever you will see them and attach a really good memory to each one . Every time you think of her -think of one of those happy memories. Make it habit.
I am a Grandmother and I really do not want any of my Grandchildren to hurt for so long when I am gone.
It's OK to feel sad ! It just takes time!

Answer 6

It's been eleven almost twelve years since my grandmother passed away and it hurt like hell for at least for first six years. Even now to this day I find it hard to go to her grave because it brings back a lot of old memories. My grandmother taught me to walk and talk and she took care of me when my mother had to work and help provide for her family. Summers were vacations at her house with all my cousins coming over. She never missed a beat and she never ever forgot a birthday of a grandchild. And there were thirty two of us total!!! It hurts because grandmothers are the equivilant of a mother to us many times. Sometimes they are the ones that we can tell things to that we can't always tell to our own mothers. They provide comfort and love unconditionally and they are always there. One year is not enough trust me to get over something like this. A love like a grandmother takes time. I know because even six or seven years after her passing I was still crying when I thought of her. I can't even go to a spanish mass without crying because I think of her. My WHOLE WEDDING WAS IN SPANISH!!! Well, time will help heal and you will be better. My grandmother passed in an ICU too and I still have those thoughts in my head. There are people out there that feel your pain and today...its me! HUGS

Answer 7

Honestly, I was in a VERY similar situation. I lost my grandmother in August of 2004. I, too, remember her laying on the hospital bed in ICU. It's been three years, yet the pain is still fresh. I have lived with her under the same roof for all my life, and she practically raised me. You're probably still mourning her loss because she was .. she IS .. a very special person in your life. I'm glad that you took the time to care for her, I'm sure she greatly appreciated it. Don't worry! The pain will eventually subside .. your grandmother wouldn't want you to be depressed over her loss. And just ignore what some ignorant people would say. Some would even have the guts to say " you're just yearning for attention. she is JUST your grandmother ".

Hope you feel better. Don't try to rush in healing yourself. Life will go on..

Answer 8

Because you loved her, and the more time passes the more real it gets that you won't see her again. Think of it as a good thing, that you are so loving, that you took such good care of her, and that she loved you so much, that you still remember her so fondly and strongly. Death is a part of life, but the fact that she lives on in your heart and she changed you and affected you is good...you wouldn't want her to be forgotten, right? It will get better but never really go away, but, yes, it will be less intense.

Answer 9

The pain will get better over time. Its just that right now the pain is so fresh because its the anniversary of her death. I went thru the same thing with my grandmother helping her with her everyday activities. But remember all the good times that you had with her and all the times she made you laugh or gave you advice. Remember she wouldn't want you to be sad in life but happy and life your life to the fullest.

Answer 10

I am so sorry for your loss. I am NOT very tolerant of death myself. It angers me to think of people-good people-who are no longer with us and we're stuck here with the nuts! IM JUST BEING HONEST. But I dont know when it gets better. I dont know when the pain goes away. It all depends on you and how you THINK of it all. Just be glad you KNEW her. Be thankful and feel blessed--consider yourself blessed__ to have known her. My grandmother died when I was about 12 or 13 and I NEVER got to see her during the last years of her life. My sisiter didnt even tell me about the funeral until AFTER. My Grandmother's last wish was to see us. She was a very special person. She was almost a saint. YES. But you have to think about the GOOD side of this:
1. Shes no longer in pain!
2. She IS in a better place. Better than anyone here can possibly imagine.
3. She IS still with you. She CAN see you and never be afraid to acknowledge her even tho shes dead. She CAN hear you.She will never leave you. She is a part of you.

These are the things I try to keep in mind when Im down and angry about my Grandmother's death. I dont know if youre religious but it is BEST to be because it helps with the pain and understading of an afterlife. Heaven and whatnot. It DOES exsist. She IS theere and dont forget that. She is happy. She is still your hand when you need one. You will be blessed for taking care of her and loving her. You'll be blessed for loving anyone. I'm not perfect and Ive had a hard time dealing with the religious side of things but, sweetie, it will keep you from losing it. It will help you beyond words. Ive been a tough ,hard-case gal for years but I know what the truth is. Gos is real. And your Grandmother-rest her soul-IS right there with the Man himself. So-thats all I know. You have my deepest sympathy. You WILL feel better and things will lighten for you. Just remmeber the 3 things I mentioned. Especially the first.
God Bless you. Ill pray a Rosary for you and your Grandmother.
Much love ~~Stacy