i dont know what to do please help!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

basicly my mum is making my wedding dress bridesmaids dress nand loads of other things for my wedding the wedding is in less than 4 weeks and today we had a massive bust up and she is blaming me for everything when it wasnt me. she is now saying that shes not doing anymore i cant afford to go out and buy the things and to make it worse i told her that if she didnt make it she wasnt welcome to come to the wedding i no that i shouldnt have done but now shes saying that her her husbund and my 2yr old brother who is also a page boy are not comeing. and now im taking it out on my partner.
what i want to no is what would you do would you get married without her? how would you get the dress because we have no more money and i cant do it? or would you let her win and move the date to anotherday so you could get everything and not invite her? i just dont know what to do!!!!!

we have had bust up like this before but everytime i have to go running to her appologising for things i havent done and usually she drags it out. im just fed upwith being the one who has to do all the running i cant take her being like this anymore!!!!!

Answer 1

I was wedded recently and there were family problems. To be quite honest with you, the people that my husband and myself no longer speak to are better off out of our lives. Please consider that you may be better off without your mother or at least without her trying to control your every move. Looking back, I wish that we had eloped. Maybe you should condier this option.

I don't believe that you need any of the things that your mother is offering you in order to have a happy day. If you want a nice dress, go to a boutique or even a high street shop and buy one. Make it look good with some pretty accesories. If you can't afford that buy a second hand dress from a charity shop or hire one. Tell your mother that you have sorted out the problem with the dress and she is welcome to come to the wedding if she chooses. Get married on schedule with or without her. It's your life and it's your party, don't let her stand in your way. If you are responsible enough to decide to marry, you are responsible enough to sort this out without her intervention. Let her see that you are a grown woman in control of her own life.

Lastly don't take it out on your fiance. Remember, in the end it will be just you and him. No point in falling out now. Let him help and support you with the arrangements for the wedding instead of your mother.

Answer 2

Tensions are running high, obviously, and it sounds like mom's got a lot on her plate, doing the wedding dress, bridesmaids' dresses and other things, too, as well as being mother-of-the-bride. If what you said sounded unappreciative and self-centered, then I can almost not blame her for throwing up her hands and saying, "Well, then, forget it!"

Think about what the blow-up was about, and decide if you were at fault. If you were, then you owe the apology. If not, then you have some decisions to make:

1. Suck it up and apologize anyway and hope that your mom has cooled off enough to finish up the stuff for the wedding. OR . . .

2. Decide that if you are old enough to be married, you are probably old enough to do it on your own, without your mom's help. It may not be exactly as you planned, but you know -- a marriage is between two people. It is not defined by the bride's dress, or the color coordination of the bridesmaids and flowers. You and your fiance may decide to scale back to a simple ceremony that you wear a simple white Sunday dress to. There's nothing wrong with that. BUT . . .

3. Your comment, "We have no more money" worries me. If you don't have *any* money, perhaps you aren't ready to get married quite yet. Try waiting another six months and save some money. THEN . . .

4. Invite your mom to the scaled-down wedding, but don't be surprised if she doesn't come. But you have to invite her, anyway, or else look like a vindictive *****.

I'm sorry you're going through this emotional trauma now, so soon to the wedding. But there is no time like the present to learn NOT to give in to emotional blackmail and guilt trips. It's not a question of "letting her win" -- this isn't a contest, to see who can be the nastiest to each other and get away with it, ok? What you said to each other must have been a doozey to make a mom wash her hands of her daughter's wedding. Hopefully, she's had a chance to cool off. If not -- presumably, you're an adult. Act like one.

Answer 3

Based on this question, and reading all your other ones, where you have no money, are taking your boyfriends anti-depressants, have had enough of life, etc, etc, ...
I would say you are too immature, too unstable, and too young to be married. You can't even construct a sentence without it all running together with no punctuation.

You also have no money to start off your new unstable life together.
If your mother is making all the dresses, I would guess your family is not in a good financial situation either and therefore cannot offer you any financial help.

Cancel the wedding.

See a doctor at a clinic where you can get a prescription for anti depressant medications.
Wait a year and think about marriage then.

Sorry if this is not what you want to hear.
From an outsiders perspective, it seems like you have many issues to sort thru and resolve before you attempt to start a new life with someone.

Good luck.

Answer 4

It's immediately important to patch up the relation with your mom, it's not worth losing a mom over dresses. Make it known that she is welcome at the wedding and it is important to you that she be there, but do not change dates unless you are absolutely set on having homemade dresses from her. Tell her you realize a lot of pressure must be on her now to get them all done, and if it's too much you can have the bridesmaids try and coordinate on dresses that are roughly the same color they could get at a department store (it would be super expensive to rush order matching stuff from a bridal shop in 4 weeks). Maybe mom could get just yours done after you reconcile, but if not do not force her.

Also that last part, it would be horrible to move the day so she could get them done and then not invite her, do not do that under any circumstances!

I was also thinking if you have the date, location, and catering and all that (if it's that style of wedding) and have sent out invites already you would probably lose a lot of deposits from cancelling, so you might save by buying dresses to make this date rather than rearrange everything.

Answer 5

Do not get married, you are much to young you have no money? There is a big wide world out there. Go and explore get some experience of Life. Beleave me men are trouble and so are parents at times. Tell your mother the whole thing is off she will have comletely wasted her time then. Tell your partner and your mother you do not need their stress. Go somewhere alone to think through and make a list of the things you want from your life including further education which will lead to a better job. Then the world is your oyster. You do not need the hasle of men and all the things that come with that. 2 words of advice. Never have a joint bank account. And never have a joint morgage or rent book this will save you a great deal of problems in the future.

Answer 6

Take responsibility for your own wedding. Hire a seamstress immediately. Go to the nearest fabric store, and ask them to recommend a good seamstress. Usually, a fabric store will keep a list of reputable seamstresses on hand. Find someone to sew your gown . . . . starting now!

As for mom, I think I would attempt to patch things up. After all, I am sure you really want her and your little brother to attend the wedding.

I think that maybe expecting mom to do all the dresses was a bit too much pressure and stress for her. I mean making a wedding dress is work enough. Doing that gown, and all the bridesmaids dresses, and the "loads of other things" . . . . well, that may be too much to expect from one person.

So call your bridesmaids. Ask if they know any reputable seamstresses. Ask everyone to take responsibility for getting her own dress made. Ask if they would mind helping or assisting you with the "loads of other things."

Give mom a break. Apologize. Mom probably has a job, and she has a two-year-old, and she is a homemaker. She probably has lots of responsibilities, and I think you may have been expecting her to do a bit too much. After all, it is your wedding . . . not Mom's.

Answer 7

This has got out of hand hasn't it! - you need to all calm down a bit.

I know that it may not have been your fault, but my advice is to go and see your Mum and apologise, as she seems to be doing an awful lot for you and you will be absolutely screwed if she pulls out!

If you can't make up with her, then remember that getting married is the important thing - not the wedding dress. If the dress has become more important to you than getting married, then you need to have a look at your motives.

Answer 8

I know its hard to deal with these things, but you'll probably regret it if your mom, dad, and brother aren't at the wedding. Just apologize (even if you don't do it, and I know how hard that is to apologize for something you didn't do), and work threw things. YOUR special day is only a few weeks away, so just try calming your nerves, and go back to your mother. Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 9

Firstly wat u wear is not important its a day to show ur love for someone the main thing tht matters is that u have ur family friends and any other loved ones there.
make it up with ur mum and tel her u want her there but if she still refuses to do these things it doesnt matter just wear a nice simple dress or suit many ppl do it the dress isnt important ur love for ur fiance is
i hope this helps good luck
and best wishes

Answer 10

Weddings can be very stressful times for everyone. I would try to figure out what is causing so much strife and arguing between you and you mother and try to solve it. Developing a positive relationship with your mother will help you with your wedding day and the rest of your life.