I have always tried to help everyone who has asked it of me. I have run into two different people with the same types of personality, they are both very needy and I’m willing to help them, but I’ve run out of things to say or do for them. I have gave them my shoulder , helped them seek counseling, medication, help from the churches, tried to get one financial help, did all the foot work for Medicaid, financial assistance, all the programs, I even opened up my home, but it’s always the same thing, everything I say or do goes in one ear and out the other. I am very discouraged. I have run out of advise, and ways to help. I have been talking with them for months and every time it’s “ I don’t know what to do or where to go, no one will help me” But I’ve tried so very hard, I’ve offered everything I could, I helped them seek help if I can’t offer what they’re looking for, I’ve always been there for them and always tried to help them, but now I have no more to offer, I have done everything I should, said everything there was to say, extended myself beyond my limits. And now I’m finding that I am depressed because I feel like I failed them. This morning I was even scared to open up an e-mail from one of them, but I did any way and…..”No one will help me, I don’t know what to do” AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Now I need the help because I don’t know what to do anymore. I think it’s spreading and I feel like a bad person because I have nothing more to say. Has anyone else been through this? What did you do?
2007-09-08 07:16:56 · 10 answers · asked by Sarah 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
OMG I know how you feel!!!!
You take on others problems as your own. You feel somewhat responsible for them?
Its wonderful to help someone in need, but when they dont realize all that you do/have done it wears you down. Gets to you in a bad way....
Dont feel as if you have failed them though. You have not at all your a wonderful person to have done all that you have!! More than you needed to do.
They are simply on a pitty party power trip (i know that sounds mean of me to say, but Ive seen it to many times). They know you feel sorry for them and want your attention b/c you will give it to them!
You do feel sorry for them and its what they want.
Im not saying they are putting themselves in their bad postions they are in for this, but b/c of their bad situation they want you to feel sorry for them. Attention cravers of any kind.
I had a friend once who did the same thing I ALWAYS helped her w/everything and I was such a good friend to her but when I needed her she was to busy complaining about everything in her life to notice I needed her.
Its an aweful feeling to experience what your going through b/c I have been there and I to went through a feeling of depression, but not b/c I felt I had failed her by any means, b/c she was a negative person that constantly brought me down.
you can not surround yourself w/these kinds of ppl b/c they will bring you down w/o you realizing it.
You need to think of it this way......you have done everything you can and you can not let them continue doing this to you. You need to focus on "YOU" and your life. not theres. They have to take responsibility of their own lives.
you can not help someone who does not want to help themselves. It will get you nowhere.
You can try and talk to them but I tried that and it got me nowhere at all.... :-(
So my advice is to slowly pull away from them. Make contact w/them less frequent until it stops. Ignore them if you must...Sounds mean but it is the only way to be nice about it.
you need to be happy and get on with your own life w/o worrying about there life....
Sorry this was SOOOO long.
I hope I helped somewhat!
Good luck! I know its not easy!
2007-09-08 07:32:44 · answer #1 · answered by ellie may 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emotional vampires or energy vampires is the trendy titles I've heard use to describe these people.
Christ said ......“I tell you the truth, you want to be with me because I fed you, not because you understood the miraculous signs.
Preaches burn out because of these types of people who become addicts to attention.
They're not looking for answers or solutions as much as feeding off of your compassion.
Christ said... "you will always have the poor among you" ....not just financially poor ...but spiritually poor ...emotionally... mentally poor.
Remind yourself that you are NOT the Good Shepard.
You are a sheep.
And if they're hungry they should be going to Shepard to feed not another nor should they be taking from another's plate.
Go kick some butt
and
Go in Peace
God bless
2007-09-08 15:33:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Others have answered well already. Just my two cents.
Several times I've been done this way and just a thank you sometimes is all it takes esp. when they are having a rough time.
But you have to take care of yourself first. To be able to help others. You probably feel like they stepped on the heart that had compassion for them.
Tell them its time for you to pull away to refocus on some personal things. They will have to "buck up" and either learn responibilties or fail. It happens all the time and it hurts for us to watch but love yourself then others.
2007-09-08 15:04:47 · answer #3 · answered by Bobbie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there and done that, and still there in a small way...... and the sad part is it is my own son....... I have finally realized and come to the conclusion that, when a person reaches the place that you are at now, and I have been, that it is time to put out the STOP sign....... be truthful and direct, telling the person what you have basically said here, that YOU are tired, out of words and resources, emotional and physical...... that you feel it is time for them to step up and be accountable for their own actions and directions in life....... if you feel more comfortable with e-mails so be it, send them each one stating that fact....... you could also, if YOU need to, give them a time frame, saying that you feel it is in THEIR best interest to NOT contact you for 2-3 weeks, as a trial period for them and a rest period for you...... You need time to rest, if you are getting to the depression stage of life it is time, PAST time to take care of YOU....... You will be of no help to others if you are wore out ........... God does NOT expect us to let ourselves sink into depression and despair....... go in peace........... God bless
2007-09-08 14:33:08 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a rescuer. This is a type of co-dependency typical in women. We have big hearts and want to help.
So we attract "helpless" people, who are unwilling to help themselves. The more we rescue them, the more helpless they become. They are indeed "leeches" as the first poster mentioned. You are depressed because you are allowing them to suck you dry.
Stop enabling these types of people! If you really want to give time and energy to helping, find ways to help those who truly cannot help themselves, such as animals, children or elderly.
2007-09-08 14:30:33 · answer #5 · answered by magicalpossibilities 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. You can only point the way for alot of people. Many people don't want to deal with things themselves, they want to be taken care of all the time. Your keeping trying to do that, no wonder you are depressed.
2007-09-08 14:25:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Girl, your intentions are awesome. Unfortunately, like you, I have learned the hard way with some people. I think the only way to finally unburden yourself from "friends" like these, is simply to walk away. You have truly given of yourself, yet they want more. This is so sad, but letting them go is about the only way to rise above their use of you.
2007-09-08 14:24:43 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Sunny Girl♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Part of what I am seeing is a problem, is you were doing everything for them without making them responsible for their own actions. The concept of helping others is to point them in the right direction then allow them to do it for themselves. No one cares for them because they do not care about themselves and expect others to do for them. Refer them to places they can seek help, then let them take over, it will give them the sense they are willing to do for themselves and will encourage them to do more for themselves without allowing them to become dependent on your assistance. All you can do for yourself is to know you have given them the right direction and let it go, you are not capable of leading their lives for them, only they are.
2007-09-08 14:25:27 · answer #8 · answered by julvrug 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do not take on more than you can handle, you are allowing other peoples troubles to be transferred to you, that is not good.
2007-09-08 14:22:38 · answer #9 · answered by joe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop dealing with the leeches, they'll show up and suck your money dry. and your resources.
It's up to someone to help themselves. Give them the resources to help themselves and then step away.
2007-09-08 14:20:04 · answer #10 · answered by Meatwad 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋