How can I have a sensual relationship with my husband, while being a good mother and Christian?

Question

I'm an elementary school teacher with three very young daughters. My husband is very involved in the church and feels that he may have the calling to preach. Lately, I've become much more immersed in my faith as well. But now I'm having trouble with the intimate side of the relationship with my husband. It's almost like I feel that enjoying that part of my marriage is wrong, but I know that's crazy!

Being around small kids all day and studying the Bible has kind of diminished my sensual side. How can I be the three things I need (and want) to be: A good Christian, a friend AND lover to my husband, and good mother?

So many thoughtful answers; I'm crying a little as I read them all. Thank you so much.

Most all of the answers are so great, I can't decide which one is best. I'm going to leave it up to a vote. Thanks for all the encouragement. Blessings to you all!

Answer 1

See you already know the problem. You want someone to tell you what you want to hear. Typical sheeple Christians.

Answer 2

stress or life and living catches up with us all....... *sigh*....... I have read some very good answers already..... take what has been said and sort it out ...... I always suggest a *date* night for couples....... at least one night a month , NO kids, tv, phone, etc...... just a focus on 2 !!!! even if you do not go any where...... reconnect to each other...... I raised 3 sons, and no one offered that advice to me, I wish they had, would have saved a lot of heart ache...... married 31 yrs !! Praise God !!! He got us through it all !!! and I do mean all !!! anyway, focusing on 2 once a month or what ever you decide, will in the long run make you better at being all those things, mother, wife, lover, friend, and most of all a *child of God*........... Remember, the doubt and confusion does NOT come from God................ go in peace........ God bless

Answer 3

Find a woman christian counselor and talk it over with her, studying the word of G-D and getting closer to him we become more spiritual, and become less carnal in nature, but G-D wants you to enjoy sex with your husband, that's what marriage was designed for. Being a good mother has nothing to do with having sex with your husband that is between you and him. You and your husband must set aside time for each other or by the time your kids leave the nest, their will be nothing between you and your husband, you will have an empty nest and a empty marriage.

Answer 4

maybe the reasons you've been intimate before have been for the wrong reasons i.e. selfish pleasures and lusts or perhaps even as a tool for getting what you want...
now you have to learn what it is really for... a way to grow closer to your husband and express love. i'm not saying that being intimate just for pleasure is wrong by any means (if God didn't want us to enjoy it He wouldn't have made it the way He did) i'm just thinking maybe there are other aspects of it He wants you to focus on for now.

as far as enjoying it being wrong let me give you some scripture to help you out...
1Cr 7:3-5 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband {does;} and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife {does.} Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1Cr 7:34b ... but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

as you can see part of the reason for marriage is for the fulfilling of those natural needs we all have. enjoy it.

sorry i didn't put more thought into this i feel like it's all thrown together....i'm sitting at work and i've been getting a ton of calls...

Answer 5

The Bible says be fruitful and multiply. The way to do this is through sex. God ordains marriage and blesses the marriage bed, so sex is not bad. I think your problem is that you are reading too much into the bible. Enjoy sex with your husband! There is nothing wrong with that. Now, go jump his bones and have some fun!

Answer 6

First you need to go talk to your husband and tell him exactly what you told us. You are a woman. My wife does five things at once while playing sudoku. If she can I know you can as well, of course putting up with me for the last 20 years has given her LOTS of experience. You need to talk to your husband and see if you can both agree to go see a marriage counselor, pastor, etc. And make an agreement before you go that it needs to be someone who is not one sided that you are both comfortable with. Maybe just a talk with him can help.
Heb 13:4 Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled:

Answer 7

= i congratulate you on your desire to please GOD.

= but i do not think that HE would want you to be celibate you know. intimacy with your husband is lawful for you and him with you; so, it's not necessary to ignore that in order to please God you know.

= God gave you your 3 young daughters as a result of what? you did not hold hands to get them and you will not hold hands to get the next baby.

= plus, i think that you will destroy your marriage if you stop having relations with your husband now. other "good christian women" in your church like the prestige of being known as reverend so-and-so's wife and will jump on him the first chance that they get. you know it's true. i do not know why some women find "men-of-the-cloth" so attractive but they do.

= reality: you have a lot on your plate. it's probably natural not to have as much sex drive at certain times in life especially when you have a house full of small children, you work, you have a home, and various church activities each week. give yourself a break and plan a romantic weekend with your mom baby sitting your girls, and spend time alone with your husband being his lover and not a mom. then you'll better understand how to balance it all. :)

Answer 8

You will find a way. See 1 Corinthians 7:3.

Answer 9

The truth is, that not giving yourself to your husband is against the Bible. Listen to Paul as he writes to the church in Corinth. I Corinthians 7:4 says this: “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife."
In other words, your body belongs to your husband, and his to you to use as you please. Paul also goes on to say this in verse 5: "Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
In other words, it is not your choice to keep yourself from your husband, neither is it his choice to keep himself from you; it should be an agreement between both of you, for a time of fasting and prayer only. If you keep yourself too long, Satan will tempt you and (or) your husband. You should be very careful in this area. Being a Christian does not exempt you from the duties of pleasing your husband.....
May G-d bless both of you and feel free to have pleasure with your husband as well.........

Answer 10

Don't feel guilty. God doesn't hold the feelings of lust you have towards your husband against you. Nor does He hold the feelings of lust your husband still has for you against him. God is proud of both you and your husband leading and being the kind of parents God wishes every human couple to be. God is more then willing to give you your privacy behind the closed bedroom door.

Answer 11

Turn off the TV, and most kids will go to bed voluntarily out of sheer boredom.

Then close the bedroom door and have at him!