Having Trouble Deciding?(Didn't explain my self last time)?

Question

My finace and I are planning our wedding and between us we have 8 kids (Me 3 including my niece and him 5). We will be going on a three week honey moon after the wedding and we are deciding who should watch the kids while we go away. My mom (whom lives across the country) would be willing to watch the kids at our new house in LA and so would my fiance's mom that lives in town. The thing is, my mom LOVES to baby kids and I don't want my soon-to-be-step-kids or my 20 month old, that I recently adopted and my mom never met to get the wrong impression and my soon-to-be-MIL is not. She lets them have freedom up to a fair extent and has rules, but not too strict. My fiance and I are leaning toards his mom. Is this wrong and how can I explain it to my mom? Any advice will help. My mom is not really paying for the wedding (just my Dad's tux to walk me down the asile.)and my soon-to-be-MIL is helping us pay for most of it.

Here is how old the kids will be come wedding time:
2 1/2

11 months

11 1/2

9

7

4

They're are twins and my niece will be 14 when the wedding comes, I forgot to add her to the list.

maigen, I thought that at first too, but both of them want to do it all 3 weeks, I am not that kind of person. It's rude and inconsitrate, to judge people.

Answer 1

Well, if you choose to allow your children to stay with anyone for any amount of time, you have to respect that adult's parenting decisions while they are caring for your children. My parents and in laws have watched my children in the past, and yes, they've allowed them to do things that I wouldn't allow, but it's nothing that would harm my children. Grandparents spoil their grandchildren, that's a fact of life. It's actually a fun part of the grandparent/grandchild relationship as well.

If I were in your shoes, I'd do 2 things here. On the question of who to have watch the kids--I'd probably go with the mom in law. Not because she more closely follows your rules, but because she's physically closer. Or, you could have your mom stay for a 1 to 1 1/2 weeks, then have your mom in law take over the rest of the time.

The other thing I'm questioning here, and I have 2 children of my own, is why you have to be gone for 3 weeks. The longest I've left my children with someone else is about a week, maybe 9 days MAX. Especially considering you've got an 11 month old, and a 2 year old--that's a LONG time to leave those babies with someone else, and it's asking an awful lot of someone else to deal with those 2 babies for that length of time. Maybe your problem is you're just going to be gone for too long, and you need to plan your honeymoon to be a little shorter. Because, even though you'll be a newlywed--you have responsibilities at home.

Hope this helps. Good luck and congrats on your upcoming marriage.

Answer 2

Ask your mother to stay just for a couple days after the wedding to watch them. if necessary lie to her and tell her that you will be gone for just two weeks or less. be sure to tell her that there are rules in your home and that they are your kids. be certain that she will abide. i had a similar prob with my mother-in-law, she has learned to get accustomed to my rules. Also learn when to pick your battles. Most grandmothers try to make up with grand kids, what the should have done with their own kids. My mother used to let her grand kids dance on the kitchen table, until i called her out. she agreed that she would have not let us do the same and that it was not acceptable behavior. Don't say a thing about the money thing, although it does factor in, it will just make the problem worst. it is not wrong and you shouldn't be ashamed. A mother has the obligation to protect and defend her kids from anyone and anything. hope that my insights are helpful:)

Answer 3

Re-explain how old the 8 kids are, I only see six ages.

IMO 8 is a LOT for a grandmother to take care of for three weeks.

I think you should split them up. Have the four younger kids go with the parent who will baby them. Since they are younger you can re train them better when you come back from the honeymoon. Give the other four to the other parent.

OR if your four oldest are very responsible, split them up, and then split the four youngest up as well, so four and four will be with each parent. Have the oldest ones help grandma with taking care of the younger ones.

Answer 4

I think that's a lot of kids to ask just one grandmother to watch for three weeks!
Why not split it between the two or have them share the duties.
Maybe his mom can watch them during the day and your mom over night? Or you mom can watch them for a 1 1/2 weeks and than his mom takes over?
Remember these woman aren't as young as you. That many children, all so young, would be exhausting for anyone alone.
Maybe hire a babysitter to help give them breaks?

Good Luck!

Answer 5

You will be gone 3 weeks. So let your mother in law watch them for a week or so and then let your mom watch them. They both need to sped time with the kids just explain that to them .

Answer 6

You cannot seriously expect one person to watch that many kids for 3 weeks - how rude and inconsiderate. You should probably rethink a 3 week honeymoon, you are not an unencumbered newlywed.

Answer 7

final month i desperate to take a weekend and fly to Texas. (from California) to work out some friends I hadn't considered in 3 years or so...it substitute into my first trip on my own or maybe although i substitute into in user-friendly terms there for 3 days it substitute right into a large time...I even have been a unmarried discern to our 5 teenagers when you consider that my husband deployed to Iraq for the final 6 months so it substitute right into a lots needed mini trip.

Answer 8

Either you take the kids with you on a shorter family vacation, or just don't go. Couldn't imagine leaving kids like that for more than a day!