LDS folks - does this seem right to you?

Question

I had a really wonderful LDS friend who was in her mid-fifties. She'd been married for 35 years to a man who was a High Priest and a Stake President. They had 5 grown kids, all active in the Church, and both my friend and her husband were pillars of kindness and virtue in the community.

For whatever reason, her husband became interested in another (married) woman in his ward; he said they were dating in chastity after he left his wife, and wanted to be married. Both divorces were approved, they apparently got a Temple recommend and he was sealed to his second wife, and she was unsealed to her first husband and sealed to him instead. I don't know if my friend's husband was also "unsealed" to her, but I imagine that would be necessary if she wanted to marry again, since she can only be sealed to one husband in the Celestial Kingdom.

Anyway, it just seemed like my dear friend got a dirty deal and I wondered how many Mormons would agree with me. How often does this happen?

I'm not a Mormon, by the way, and I think most of you are just adorable with your cutesy remarks. Thanks a pant-load, Trolls.

I thought I'd made myself pretty clear that my friends husband left her for another woman - purely for lustful reasons, even though he "said" they were chaste before they got married. My friend was abandoned by her husband of 35 years for another woman, and it was sanctioned by the Church. That's why I posted this question - I thought families were supposed to be forever in the LDS religion?

OregonLDS: The Stake President and his new girlfriend were married two weeks after the divorce was finalized. I don't think there was much disciplining involved there.

OregonLDS: It WAS adultery. The Stake President left his wife for a married LDS woman. What's the point in being sealed for time and eternity if you can be unsealed? In my opinion, he abused his position of authority and the church looked the other way because of his position. Again, so much for families staying together - the exact reason why my friend and her husband joined the church together over 35 years ago.

Chuck: so, Joe got busted messing around with his fans, then made up some scripture to legitimize his philandering ways. Straight up abuse of power - just what you want in a prophet!

Isolde: my "agenda" is to question whether divorce, unsealing, etc., is a frequent occurence in the LDS faith, and if so, how the heck does that fit in with the doctrine and dogma of families staying together for eternity? Just seems like hogwash. My friend was a good Mormon, faithful to her husband and the church, and he ditched her for someone else - because he COULD. And to everyone who doubted that they got married so quickly, they really, really did. He wasn't stripped of his position or anything. I just thought it was incredibly unfair - and I wonder how many men in the Mormon church are able to pull this kind of stunt without repurcussions!?

Answer 1

Sadly here in lays a real problem that few are willing to face. Yes there is the fact that the human male is prone to be less then faith full. Many women are also prone to that same problem. Unfortunately this is another case of not seeing the forest for the trees, no matter how silly that expression sounds.

In the first place all whom have intered into a Temple marriage, do not really understand what is happening. The so called training and instruction given prior to such a marriage is little more then a "pep talk" there are classes held where couples whom wish to marry or are already married wish to have a "Temple Marriage". Few if any have any idea of what it is really all about. Nice sounding words of "forever together". all "Time and Eternity" children sealed to their parents and the couple sealed to their parents. All of this in the context of family unity. A marvelous condition if it were true. Here in lays the next step, most of the couples which choose to inter into this state of marriage are young. Few of the youth have really learned what it is like to be adults and fending for themselves. They have led a carefully controlled life to the degree a young woman is afraid if she marries out side of the faith dire things will happen to her. The truth is dire things will still happen to her inside an LDS marriage. It is no different then out side of the Church then it is inside. Truth is you don't hear about it as much outside of the Church as the "sister" has been trained from childhood the Priest Hood is next to being in the presence of Christ. The male is to protect the wife, sister, mother or other female with his life. Oh the sadness which comes to the wife whom has had all of those children, recalling the old story of "barefoot and pregnant" so as to build up Zion. If they don't, they are failing as a women, a sister in the faith, and the promise to be fruitfull and mutiply vows taken in the Temple marriage. The male of course is constantly being groomed for his eventual chance to be come a G-D with all of his many wives in the here after. Underneath all of the bravado of the Priest Hood holder , and his Sunday play acting, the rest of the time a good many if not most return to the very basic of human charateristics. He was your Brother, your fellow Priest Hood holder on Sunday, but come Monday Morning, do not get in his way. He returns to that basic primeveail hunting male. That basic programing is still barried in that male or most of them, to hunt and overcome any obstacle. This may be a hunt for game to eat, feed the rest of his "tribe etc" or it may well be in securing the trophy of his desire. Last time he was out hunting for game or at the last tribal get together there was a young maiden that caught his eye. The youthful hormones of the early man was and is little different then the modern day male. The desire to catch this young trophy becomes more then he can control and he sets out for his conquest. Nothing has changed, except different clothing more modern conviences and technology.

We do have however a force that has been at work since Adam and Eve. We all know the force well, having been victumized by it every day of our lives. Call it what ever you choose... That Great Beast, is still working over time to destroy all of civilization as he can. What better method then to attack the human family and destroy marriages? Even the older male have surges of those yuthfull hormones. He recalls those younger proud days of freedom to run and play chase all manner of personal pursits, but after 35 or 40 years, he looks back and wishes to do it again for the feelings it provided.

Few youth can understand such a scale of human experience. Get married and have children we will be so happy...right up to the point they look at the kids and the home morgages car payments, it is called adult life. Then perhaps some of the attempted offerings of, wisdom come back to their minds cautioning concerning early marriages, Including the Temple marriage. The couple believed it would be their ticket for eternal happiness. When this comes about, the marriage has failed and is crumbling most do not have the character it takes to say, well it was my decision right or wrong I must live it out. Most people fall prey to the "callings" of the Devil saying it is ok, every one else does it, you'll hold no blame for a DIVORCE.

Sadly people forget they made sacred Vows to their own Deity....G-D about how it would be forever. It makes little difference to them they break their vow, these are people which really do not have a commitment to their supreme being. Many have probably never considered in the marriage and acts there following, man and woman cleaved to each other. In those times I submit a portion of each person's perhaps "Spirit" was exchanged with their pardner. It would lend credeance to "What G-D has put together, let no man put ashunder".

Answer 2

It's sad that something like this has happened, in the church or not divorce is bad. I can't see them being allowed to be married and sealed 2 weeks after the divorce when through. And the only way I have heard of being unsealed is if there was infidelity (which it appears to have been), so that is what I assume the other woman claimed to be divorced and unsealed (even though it appears she was the one messing around). They may have stayed chaste, that we may never know. My b/f and I have been told to be married in the temple and sealed that we would have to wait a yr from the last divorce to be finalized (both of our marriages ended due to infidelity by our spouses). Of course it could be also that I am a recent convert and he was in active for 11yrs. But I think she did get a low down dirty deal. I guess this shows us that even within the church people aren't perfect.

I wish your friend the best of luck with her future.

Answer 3

Well, I for one am thankful that it is possible for two people to be "unsealed"...it is actually quite a process, not just a "well, ok, now you are unsealed" type of thing.
My parents were sealed in the temple, my dad did it for all the wrong reasons and they were divorced...my mom had to wait to be unsealed from him until she was ready to marry again - in the temple of course.
The reason for the unsealing - no marriage is perfect and some just don't work out.
The reason for the opportunity - there are WAY more marriages that stay sealed than there are ones that are unsealed...
Your friend's situation is unfortunate and the husband will stand accountable for anything he doesn't repent of - as we all will someday... temptation is very stong sometimes and getting stronger, that is why it is so important to hold fast to our values and the things we know are right.
God luck to your friend. I hope things work out for her.

Answer 4

As far as I know, the only valid reason for a divorce is infidelity. Whether or not sex was involved, it is clear that the man and woman you describe were being unfaithful to their former spouses. Because of this, I can understand why each divorce was approved; those who were betrayed would be justified in seeking a divorce.

What I don't understand, however, is why this man and this woman would be given temple recommends, unless they were both disciplined appropriately and after some time received full fellowship again in the church. Of course, I do not know all the details and am in no position to judge, but it does seem odd that these two would be given temple recommends, especially if it was within a relatively short period of time.

I agree with you that your friend got a dirty deal. I don't know how often this sort of thing happens, but this is the first time I have ever heard of it, personally.

*Edit: RayeKaye, I shared this question with my wife, and her response was essentially "that's impossible". It doesn't seem right that this guy would be sealed to his new wife after just two weeks of divorcing his previous wife. According to the Savior, as recorded in Mark 10:11, this is considered adultery. I have a feeling that some people involved in this whole story haven't been completely honest, or that we don't have all the facts. Consider this: a good friend of mine was excommunicated from the Church shortly after returning home from his mission because he did you-know-what with his girlfriend. He couldn't rejoin the Church for at least a year after that. I can only imagine that a Stake President, being in higher authority, and therefore having a much greater responsibility, should have experienced some degree of discipline for his actions.

Nevertheless, I came across an interesting article that may possibly explain why the Church would allow something like you have described to occur (assuming there was indeed no sexual sin at all). The following is a small excerpt from this article (linked below):

"Divorce is not part of the gospel plan. … But because men in practice do not always live in harmony with gospel standards, the Lord permits divorce for one reason or another, depending upon the spiritual stability of the people involved. … Under the most perfect conditions there would be no divorce permitted except where sex sin was involved. In this day divorces are permitted in accordance with civil statutes, and the divorced persons are permitted by the Church to marry again without the stain of immorality which under a higher system and in a better civilization would attend such a course."

Answer 5

Divorce is NOT sanctioned by the church. Our faith encourages couples to do whatever it takes to keep the family together short of putting up with abuse.

Now, as for the "unsealing". That is done at the request of both parties in the relationship, regardless of the reasons.

As for whether or not he dated "chastely", that's really none of our business, but is between him, his current wife, and their church leaders. Sure, they may not have been "chaste" in their relationship and lied to go to the temple. But very doubtful. I would hate to have gone to the temple unworthy and missed feeling what I felt when I was there. It would not have been worth it at all.

Just remember, there are 2 sides to EVERY divorce and the truth actually lies somewhere between those 2 stories.

Answer 6

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints teaches it's members to do everything possible to prevent divorce. Whether it's reading self help books, improving communication skill, getting counseling or mediation, or fasting and praying, members are encouraged to do whatever they can to preserve and improve their marriages. To give up on your marriage without fighting to save it is a sin. Divorce should never been simply a matter of convenience or personal interest. If things played out as you say, this man will definitely be held accountable for his actions at the judgment.

The church is true, but the members aren't perfect.

Answer 7

There are 2 different ways that discipline is handled in the church, one way is if the person is caught and the other is if they turn themselves in.
If your friends ex said that he was chaste then there is nothing that the church can do about it unless he some how gets caught. I do not know what "getting caught" involves but I do know that what ever injustices happened WILL have to be answered for at the judgment bar of God.

Answer 8

Well, divorces are horrable, but it doesn't sound right to be unsealed. Unless the husband was not sealed in the temple to the first wife, the second marriage can be sealed, but overall it doesn't sound good at all especially the age and the kids. Everything is sad.

Answer 9

Actually, no one in the church would outwardly admit it, but we do believe in the concept of "karma", or, IOW, what goes around comes around. The first wife, if she remains true to her covenants, will find a worthy husband to be sealed to, either in this lifetime or the next. while if her so-worthy husband who left her for another, did so with less than worthy thoughts or intentions, they will BOTH be alone in the next life, maybe not even in the Celestial kingdom.

It all evens out in the end.

Answer 10

As far as I know, and my experience is too---your friend won't be unsealed until she decides to get married again in the temple. Divorce is horrible--and for whatever reason they were divorced--its between the couple and who am I to judge what a valid reason to get divorced is. Anyway, I wish your friend well, and hope she finds peace through all of this.