My 7yo survived cancer. She now wants hair extensions and earrings to make her feel girly again-I Can't decide

Question

She thinks that when her hair fell out, she looked like a boy but was too ill to care. Its starting to grow back now, but is very thin and quite short. She feels it looks like a boys haircut. All she wants now is look girly again, and thinks hair extensions and earrings would do it. As she pointed out, she never cried when she was being put on her chemo drip or having bloodwork, so she's sure she can handle getting her ears pierced
Normally, I would consider extensions and earrings strictly out of bounds for a 7 year old, but if her self image is affecting her confidence, then it is going to affect her ability to make friends, be part of a group, & to fit in, and I’m worried it may have long term effects. Also, after everything she has been through, and with all the courage and determination she has shown, I’m starting to think “You want hair extensions, we’ll go to the hairdresser, you want your ears done, we’ll ask the doctor if your immune sysem is up to it."
What do you think?

Thank you for all the supportive answers. Sorry, but I just can't choose a best one, so I'll leave that to you.

As it turns out, her hair is not up to taking extensions and her immune system is not up to coping with a possible infection easily so she has to wait for them both, but she has a wig, a few hats and some fake earrings - witth the promise she can have the rest when her body is ready.

Thank you all.

Answer 1

7 year old girls that have gone through that in my opinion should be allowed to have either a nice wig or extensions in their hair to make them feel good. She has went through so much that I would see no problem in letting her feel "beautiful" and girly. I agree about the talking to the Dr about the earrings because that might cause infection but she can do clipons if need be, they have great ones available now. The hair thing though I would let her go for it, let her have some good times after having all that horrible stuff.

Answer 2

If this was my little girl, I would let her do virtually anything.

If you decide to go for it:

The earrings.
It is the right decision to make sure you see the doctor first, if her immune system is too weak to fight infections effectively (if this is the case she will probably already be on antibiotics as a precaution) then an infection could spread through her body pretty quickly. Septicaemia could be life threatening.

If her immune system is still weakened, but is not dangerously low, your doctor may okay the ear piercing. If he does, see if the doctor will do it. A lot of people who work in accessory stores or corner jewellers did a one day course or learned to pierce ears from a book.

For her, getting them done in the cleanliness of a doctors office will mean that there is less chance of an infection. A shop, which will quite often do it out in the open with everyone watching, will be full of coughs, sneezes and farts.

Also a lot of the equipment used is shops is "suspect" to say the least. Make sure they use a disposable cartridge system. Many of the "guns" in use can't be cleaned properly, and a dirty gun with traces of other peoples blood on it is not ideal - even if the studs are sterilized.

If your doctor doesn't pierce ears, try to find a pharmacy that will.

I would also recommend you take her to somewhere like Claires tomorrow morning, before you see the doctor, and buy her some clip-ons or magnets, even better, let her choose them. Explain that until the doctor thinks she is well enough, she can't have her ears pierced because she might not be well enough to fight off germs if they get in the holes, but she can have these for now. Explain you will make an appointment to ask the doctor/you will ask him next time you have an appointment.

As you are reluctant to let her pierce them because of her age, it will also be easier for you to get used to seeing her wear clip-ons for a while first.

Also, both of you must be extra-vigilant with the aftercare.

The hair
If she will go for a wig, then that would be the better option, but if you decide on extensions. then take her to a good, reputable (and unfortunately that means expensive) one.

They will be able to advise on whether her is able to take them OK.

In many areas, you don't need experience or qualifications to be a hair dresser, or sometimes about 30 hours worth of nightschool or a 4 day intensive training course. Joanne's corner unisex salon or Barbaras mobile hairdressing probably won't have the experience.

Places like Toni & Guy offer apprenticeships, and until they are totally confident in their students' abilities - they perform their work for free or cheap on 'models'. If you explain why you have come, then you will be given a consultation with someone who really knows what they are talking about - and if it is a bad idea, they will tell you straight.

Give them a call first as you may need to make an appointment.

The last thing she needs is college students who are on their work placement using her as their guinea pig.

If she gets extensions, make sure she knows how to look after them. You don't want them to fall out first time she brushes her hair.

Answer 3

I agree with tll answer about extension ruining the hair she does have coming in. And a good wig will last until her hair grows in more where extensions only last 6 months tops and are expensive.

If her doctor says it is OK I would let her pierce her ears also.

My mom had cancer and hated how wigs felt on her head, so I guess I would tend to let her have the extensions anyway after we checked out wigs, chances are my mom was not given a really good wig. It was free from the Cancer Society and I hate to say it but all the make up they gave her that was donated by Clinique was terrible colors no one would want. I am not bad mouthing the Cancer Society rather the people or companies donating the stuff.

Right now it is important for her to rebuild her self confidence along with her immune system so I would say yes.

My niece had cancer at 11, and with her type of cancer if you radiate the spot you can never radiate again, so they chose not to, but it was still very hard on her the surgeries and how she was treated at school. It was a rare form of juvenile cancer and was on her wrist and arm and everyone kept asking her if she had tried to kill herself.

My heart goes out to both of you!! You daughter is beautiful because of her courage and because she is a survivor!

Answer 4

Being a cancer survivor, I would let my daughter have her ears pierced if it was ok with the doctor. Hair extensions, I'm not so sure about. The need to clip on to something and if her hair is just starting to grow out and is very fine, the weight of the extensions may cause problems.

There are some really cute hats or wigs for children who have undergone chemo that may make her feel better until her hair gets to a better length. Also frequent hair trimming will help keep it looking great while it grows out.

Answer 5

She sounds like a strong courages little girl. You should feel proud of her for staying so determined to get well with a positive attitude through it all. I really think that for her, you should let her know that people can be mean but there will be people who will see that she is a beautiful little girl. At the same time, I think you should let her maybe get some hair extensions until her hair does grow back longer if you and her htink it will beniefit her self-esteem. Earrings for her age is not uncommon and maybe if you, her, and the doc agrees, small earrings that are an appro style for her age might be taken into consideration. Also, maybe spend some bonding time with her like a mother/daughter movie night even if it's at home. After all you've probably been through, establish more of a connection with her that would last a lifetime of trouble yers to come [teenage years you know that one day she will hit and need you're trust.]. Also, because after all that heartache it'd be nice to have some special family happiness time.

Answer 6

I can speak from experience (though, I am a young adult) when I say that having a nice head of hair can make the world of difference in how you feel about yourself (and sadly, how others treat you as well). I've been wearing human hair wigs for over a year now and I kick myself for not wearing them sooner. If you invest in a really high quality wig (not a cheap one like Brittney Spears wears) not only will it last a while, but it looks so real, no one will know she's wearing a wig. They will all think her hair has grown back.
Here is a great message board that will help you find information on wigs, hairpieces, extensions, etc http://groups.msn.com/WigSupport
Fitting in at school is a HUGE thing for a girl her age, I would definitely do this for her.

Answer 7

that is so wonderful that your child made it through such a terrible situation, god bless your family. i think that earrings are perfectly fine at 7, i know a lot of people get it done when they are babies, but for me, my mom waited til i was old enough to decide that i wanted them, and i was 7 when i was ready, i did the same with my daughter, and she started asking at 4 and i warned her that it will hurt a little so she held off for awhile and at christmas last year, she was 5, she really made her mind up and wanted to get it done, so i let her do it, and she was very tough about it, didn't cry at all, and loves them a lot. most girls her age have them, and obviously your daughter is a very tough girl, let her have them. the hair extensions, i don't know, thats a harder decision, why not try some colorful bandanas for now, or some really stylish hats...but you know a girl wants hair, that defines most girls, i think if it was my daughter and she went through something as painful as yours has, and it meant so much to her, i would let her. why not!!! go for it, there is a good reason for it, and once her hair grows out then remove the extensions. just get some that look natural and not too long and wild. after going through so much, she deserves some happiness. and if thats what it takes, it's not really hurting anyone. let her know it's temporary, and that you want her to be happy. good luck and god bless.

Answer 8

As a person who has grown up pretty much in hospitals...not because of cancer but sick non the less...looking different especially at that age definately takes its toll on a kid. For as long as she was in treatments and as long as her hair has been falling out and her energy was lowered she hasn;t been able to feel like "normal" kid. In a sense she wasn't, she was fighting for her life....she was going though things many adults dont' even have to do in there lifetime. Now that she is feeling better, all she wants to do is feel "normal" again...especially because her energy is back and shes not feeling so sick shew wants everything back...who wouldn't? You are able to provide it for her whats the harm? Shes been through Hell and back, shes only a kid once and shes already been robbed of a good chunk of time of her childhood, and not feeling like shes "normal" because of her apprence her confidence level wil go down hill and so things just end up being normal anymore because kids sense that. So friends will be hard to come by. I think you should get the extensions and her earspiersed...that was my birthday present from my sister when i was 7 years old. Shes absolutely right that she can handle the pain of the ear piercing if she can handle bloodowrk and Chemo...i know that its not easy to be poked with a needle 10 times in a row. Let her have it theres more pros then cons with it

Answer 9

Because of what she has gone through I say it's ok. Traumatic things like this make you grow up faster than usual. She is at a very strange age for healthy girls. They start to feel like they have to fit in and have to have a certain image. I would say it was sending the wrong message to give your daughter extentions if she has not just went through chemo. But since she did, I think its ok. Just tell her that you are doing this because you are so proud of her and you want her to move past this point in her life and be normal again. As far as the ear piercing I got my daughters done when she was 5, I don't view it as a big deal. Congrats on her beating the cancer too. She sounds like a tough little girl

Answer 10

Hi Hun, first of all I just wanna say sorry for what you've gone through because I think no kid should go through that hard experience at such young age. I think you should let her have her way, earrings are fine and I would try to talk her into a wig, if she doesn't want it then I would give in for extensions. I also think it would affect her confidence, and she's been through so much I would just "spoil" her with this. If I were her mom I would just try to make her life "life worth it", to make it fun, to enjoy every single minute of it and not be so uptight with things that aren't that big a deal. Earrings and a wig or extensions are such tiny things in life, let her enjoy. This makes me think how we don't know about God plans and how we have our days counted in this world, let her be happy. Good luck to you mom and to your little angel who was so strong to survive cancer. God bless.