Pro's and cons of bringing your children up as catholics if you are not of the faith yourself?

Question

My partner is catholic, I have not even been christened as my parents wanted me to decide for myself which religion to follow. I was having a conversation with my partners mother and she said that if we have children she would want us to bring them up as catholics, as it is good for children to have faith. I think I have turned out ok, despite not being catholic or indeed of any particular religion, I know right from wrong and know how to treat others and I didn't need the fear of God to encourage me. I know it's a long way off, but I'm not sure I would want to become a catholic myself, so wouldn't that send confusing messages to our children. I don't want to be baptised and confirmed just so I can send our children to a catholic school (which are better in our area than the non catholic schools); I think it would be hypocritical to convert to the faith just for that reason, I may not follow catholicism but I am not about to insult the religion by following it for selfish reasons.

Answer 1

Tough one. Personally, I feel religion should be chosen, not born into. I would expose my kids to all religions, and other standpoints, for that matter, and allow them to make up their own minds. For my part, I was raised christian, but my folks never forced it on me, and when I said I didn't want to go to church or attend sunday-school anymore, they backed me up.

You and your partner need to hash this out BEFORE any kids enter the equation, and probably before you get married. I think you are correct in not wanting to convert unless you really believe.

I'd probably try and reach a compromise with my partner in that we agree to disagree, and agree that we'll expose our kids to both sets of belief and let them decide for themselves. Of course, this sets up a difficult situation where daddy thinks mommy is going to hell, or vice versa, so I'd probably wait until my kids were 6 or 7 at least before addressing religion. In the meantime, just love them as best you can, because at that age, that's what is really important to them: Like Eric Draven said: "Mother is the name of God in the hearts and minds of all children."

Answer 2

I see a lot of good thought in your question. I would say that you should accept a particular faith if you believe it is the truth. You should seek to raise your children in the truth as well. If you have a partner of another faith, it is best to settle the question of religion early. Christians are told not to marry nonchristians. Study Catholicism and see if you think it is true (I don't happen to think it's entirely true; they teach some things that are clearly contrary to the Bible). Either convert to Catholicism, or raise your children according to your beliefs. As for the schools being better, you can probably put your children in a Catholic school regardless. My own experience is that the Catholic school our son attended for part of a year was academically better than the other schools around, but in the long run, it was a detrimental experience. We told him not to pray the Rosary and told him why, and told him not to tell them why, just not to do it. Well, he told them why, and after that, they pretty much had it in for him. He would misbehave because if he did, the teacher would take him into a separate room and watch him so he wouldn't run away (not that he would have), so he got the teacher's attention all to himself. And we were told at the end of the year he would be on probation at the beginning of the next year. So we took him out. We didn't really find a satisfactory school for our children, so in the end, we homeschooled them. I agree with you that you shouldn't follow a religion for selfish reasons. Follow it because you agree with it, or else don't follow it.

As for when to raise your children in a faith, please be aware that whatever you do is going to teach your children something. Even not raising them in any faith at all teaches them something. I speak from experience on this one because my husband was raised with no religion. You can't let them get older and then choose, because they won't choose. You already made that choice by how you raised them to begin with.

Answer 3

I am not religious nor have I been baptized, but my children are Catholic. Their dad is Catholic and he felt it was important to have them baptized, and I saw no harm in it. I don't take them to church though. When he has them, he can take them to church if he wants (but he never does anyway).

It was no problem having them baptized Catholic even though I'm not Catholic myself. The church doesn't prevent them from worshiping and going through the sacraments just because I'm not of the same faith. If I wanted them to be in Catholic school, that wouldn't be a problem either. Just go, enroll the kids, and pay up! That's all that's necessary.

I understand how you feel, believe me. I really have no need to be part of organized religion. Since it was important to my in laws, I didn't see the harm in having my kids baptized. Although I don't agree entirely with the church (No birth control? Priests can't get married? Women can't be priests?), I agree that the ten commandments are good guidelines for humans to live by. If my ex wants to teach the kids about his faith, then that's fine with me. I tell them about REAL life, not just the Utopian version that the church believes in.

Make sure you're really ok with the way his family would want to raise your kids though. If you think it will overwhelm or bother you, then definitely consider moving on and finding someone who has similar religious views as you.

Answer 4

i'm a catholic. I agree you would insult catholicsm by following it for selfish reasons. I really commend you on that! There are lot's of parents who are even baptised but don't practise, or even attend church and when it's time for the kids to go to school, there they are the front of the church trying to strike up conversation with the priest.

Don't believe everything other people here tell you about catholicism. A catholic school is not actually any different to any other school, except the teachers maybe be nuns or priests (very rare now though) and they will have to attend church occasionaly. They will have to sit a RE exam but this is not about the Christianity this is about RE. ie. religions.
There is a lot of negative things said about creationism and religion being brought into non-religious subjects, this is false and usually said by people watching too many documentaries on some bible belt in the US.

Answer 5

Tough problem, and exactly why the Roman Catholic Church wants people to marry within the church. If you did marry and were a non-Catholic, you would be required to pledge that the children were raised Catholic.

I disagree with Ross, I think children should be exposed to religion from day one.

If your bf is devout, it should be of some concern to him whether or not you decide to accept the teachings of the Church.

By the way, I AM NOT a Roman Catholic. All Christians need to be aware of potential problems when marrying someone out of their faith. It can work, it can be a nightmare.

Additionally. divorce is so wide spread and if the father is devout in his faith, but the mother has little or no, or a different faith, guess how the kids generally are going to be reared after a split.

Answer 6

There is not one Catholic friend I know who doesn't joke about the guilt they live with every day for being a "sinner." They just accept it as a given and hope to hell (pardon the pun) that they can have Last Rites said for them before they die.

Also, I have had staunch ex-Catholics-current atheists tell me that even though they don't even believe in Christian doctrine anymore ... they still fear death and feel guilty, sometimes they can't even remember why.

I really think Catholicism is extreme and a choice someone should be allowed to make when they are old enough to know what's at stake. Sorry if this is not what you'd like to read. Just my POV.

.

Answer 7

Catholicism is a beautiful and romantic religion. There is no denying that. It has played an integral part of the history of Christianity since the early church and today it is the leading benevolent faith based charity in the world. However, the Roman Catholic Church has its dark side and when a child raised in this faith grows to realize some certain truths pertaining to the lies then they tend to abandon faith altogether not realizing that The Catholic Church is a major prophetic entity that could indeed, if understood, empower a persons faith for God and His Holy Word. I know, cuz even though I was never Catholic the second I discovered these truths for myself...my faith has never weakened since. So lets go all the way back....Jesus dies and is raised and ascends after a short time of teaching. Then all that is left is Spirit filled apostles who go about teaching and writing letters..this was the early church full of converts but slowly becoming targets of persecution from both Jew and Roman governments. Then about AD 70 came the great dispersion where Rome went in and destroyed the city of Jerusalem, slaughtered, starved and enslaved thousands of Jews and took apart the temple. Still Christianity recieved its name and began to spread and people were converting left and right...it was the first secret society. Slowly all these pagans began to forgo their pagan practices and at first the reigning government fought to control it..torturing and imprisoning christians...until about 313 AD with the Edict of Milan which was given by the first Roman Emperors Constantine and Licinious which decreed religious tolerance for Jews, Christians and any other...it is historically rumored that Constantine was a Christian but there is no documentation to prove this...more likely it was a political decision because there was no fighting the ever growing popularity of Christianity..and from there sprung the Roman Catholic Church..unfortunately with it came the mixing, melding and cooperation of both Jewish Scriptural practices with that of Pagan tradition and that is where the original Sabbath was changed to Sunday worship and the various holidays, feast days and sacrements come from. Then about 364 AD at the Council of Laodicea any "judaizing" was prohibitted...that meant teaching of the Hebrew/Jewish Torah or laws. The Sabbath was officially changed to Sunday with no scriptural support. The Bible was translated into Latin a language few outside the church could read or understand and an edict was given that no common lay persons could possess scripture...that was predicted in Revelation 11 - the two witnesses laying dead in the streets and it was not until 1611, 1260 years after the council of Nicea brought the books of the Bible under the authority of the catholic church that the scriptures were given in a language of the people for the people. So you see...Catholism is the apostate church that is prophecied in scripture. I wish it weren't so but the truth is there is so much in the Bible that people don't understand that conflicts with what the church teaches that people are often left in a spiritual Babylon (City of Confusion) when in reality...through the Blood of Christ, the Blessing of the Holy Spirit and prayer and study we each of us would come to realize that as children of God, we are the church...each a temple for Christ. So my advice is to bring your children up in the Word of God and find a Bible based, Old and New Testament teaching church. There are only a few. Love in Christ, ~J~

Answer 8

The only reason people have religion is to have eternal life. The thing is, its not about having a religion, but about acepting him into your heart, and having a day to day relationship with him. The only reason that you have fear, guilt, conformity, shame, repression, ect, is because you don't know the full potential my God has. You can have the best life with him and give him all you pain, worries, ect. he will take them and exchange them for joy, peace, comfort, ect. I am a pentacostal christian, and even though I'm a 15 year old teenager, I would never change Him for anything in this world. Nothing in this world fills me up like he does. from the first time you experience this life, you will never want to go back. Trust me (or should I say God) He is REAL and he wants you to have this life.

Answer 9

There are some great values that your child can receive through Catholic life (eg Cathlic education/church going). I like the fact that there is a tradition of social justice and support of "the poor". But there are as many "catholic" point of views as there are catholics. There are very conservative catholics which are very inward looking and pius.

f you send the kids to Catholic school you will need to get to know the views of the parish priest and school principal. Then you'll be able to gauge whether your ethics,etc, match up with the direction of the school. If you take them to church, you have access to a community of people which can become friends and support, within your local area. You really have to immerse yourself in a culture to get the maximum benefit, so if you're not in to it, why bother? If you have good beliefs you could find just as many sources of support in other groups that you participate in.

In Australia there is a general belief that Catholic schooIs provide a better academic education. This is not neccesarily true, they just charge higher fees. I don't know about in US but here sex ed is taught in religion class instead of in Phys Ed class like in public schools.

I guess you just have to see if it feels right. If it does, do it. If not, don't.

Good luck!

Answer 10

You sent them to a catholic school. Well done young man.
They will have the best upbringing and education possible.
Those who say wait let them make up their minds dont
know what mess they face.
Kids will turn out disputing and
questioning every kind of moral code and faith and will feel
more comfortable believing nothing at all because that
is less trouble, free from essential faith and goal-less in life.