I am married to a very nice girl from eastern europe. When we got married, I promised her that we would go to visit and live with her family in her country twice a year. My wife's sister (my sister in law) was with my wife when we met. The sister in law (SIL) immediately became insanely jealous of my sister. SIL dropped out of school and and cannot hold down a job. When we had a baby, SIL had a baby and became a single mother just to compete with her sister (my wife). SIL has no income, and lives with her parents (my inlaws). When we comes to visit, she makes my life hell, constantly criticizing me. When I try to discipline my daughter, she tells my daughter not to listen to me, and tries to train my own daughter to be against me. When I go to my wife for support, she basically just says "sorry my sister is difficult, just try to be nice." When I try confronting SIL, she completely flips out. My relationship with my wife, Mother I-L, and Father I-L is great. What do I do?
2007-08-22 21:40:53 · 6 answers · asked by Keith 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Fourth sentence should say jealous of my wife, not my sister.
2007-08-23 07:37:28 · update #1
Your wife isnt being supportive of you and whats ironic is that youre being supportive of her by making sure she sees her family twice a year. Your giving to her but she isnt appreciating you. This isnt good for you or your daughter who is being taught to disrespect you. You need to tell your wife that respect goes both ways and if she isnt going to help you by insisting her sister stop this abuse then you wont be going there anymore.
This sister in law is endangering your marriage and thats not good. You might need couples counseling to work this out,
2007-08-23 06:07:32 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just continue to be the man in shining armour. Be the better guy by not freaking out on her. Be patient- almost to the point she feels you are being this way to her as if she is so darn young and immature and you are humouring her until she grows up!
I think she envy's her sister and has low self esteem that she cannot find a man like you or the life you and her sister has. If you can try to build her up by saying that you hope she finds Mr. Right.. and that you know she has made mistakes in life- but be patient, becasue she is a good girl, and below the surface is a sensitive, loving girl who deserves a good man. And not to settle for less.. This way she will think of you saying these nice things to her and she will come off of her high horse.. and she will be in search for someone nice and she won't be seeking drama queen- bad news attention.. she'll look for the better.. not all at once- but it will happen.. maybe just turn it around.. be extra nice to her- like that kind of Dad who says nice things to his daughter, even when she says nasty things to him- and then she feels terrible of her actions and cries.
I turely think she is being nasty to you becasue she is in a way putting you through a test. She may not think this far yet.. but she is in a way doing so.. She is waiting to make you not shine.. and waiting to show that her sister HAS married a jerk-(jerk in her eyes- she is trying to set you up to see if you break) and I think she is secretly, as selfish and young, as she seems, hoping that her parents will turn on you due to the way you ill handle the SIL.. And therefore your wife will leave you and the SIL may have her sister back and they will both have kids in common to wallow and care for together.. Or maybe she had kids so that they would have something in common about again.. and dreams about going to the park together with her sister.. Maybe she can't let her sister go at all.. and is jealous of you in the picture. Well obviously- but how so is evasive. You could also invite her over, or invite her along for movies.. and give her a small chocloate gift to eat while there to show that you don't want to steal her away from her sis.. Could be any of these things.. If one doesn't work.. try another.. if all doesn't work.. give it time- it will eventually.. Just be the better man at all times. She will see how sweet and patient you are and come to love you too.
Could it be as well that maybe since everyone loves you- she is trying hard to find flaws in you just to say I told you so so that she can shine? Could be anything.. Stay sweet! lol
Hope this helps..:)
2007-08-23 05:05:10 · answer #2 · answered by Jess 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Having been married for 17 yrs with two difficult sister in laws I can totally sympathise with you. Never underestimate the powers of in laws when it comes to causing trouble.
I would say the first argument we ever had was directly because of them. I found when I went to my husband for support like you, he didnt really want to get involved and my going on about it made things worse. They went as far as to talk him into doing things behind my back which he did for peace. I never thought direct confrontation with the in laws was the answer knowing that the people involved did not have our best interests at heart.
I talked to people about the situation and this is my advice to you. You have a good relationship with some of your wifes family, work with this relationship and you will get some support from them. (if things get really bad maybe talk to one of them and tell them you are worried about the effect on your relationship if she doesnt back off a little, without insulting her personally).
Unfortunately you need to put some space between you and your sister in law. I found that rather than making a fuss I had to make excuses to avoid doing things with the in laws and managed to cut down a lot on trouble, you won't be able to totally avoid her but cut it down as much as you can. If you have any suggestions on something your wifes sister could do to make her happier and busier (I found when they have more to do they concentrate less on trying to run your life).
The one thing I wouldnt stand for is her interphering with your relationship with your daughter. I would let her know it will not be acceptable and nicely tell your wife the same.
After you have done all you can dont focus on her too much, she is getting more of your time than she deserves as it is, concentrate on your relationship with your wife and daughter (always reassuring your little girl how much you love her and how she can talk to you about anything). Enjoy your life and remember you can only do your best.
2007-08-23 05:32:43 · answer #3 · answered by Sam k 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop being passive and put your foot down. Tell your wife there's no way in hell you're going to stand by and be nice to someone who tries to override your parenting authority. And unless her sister knocks this **** off, you will not be making any more visits her way.
2007-08-23 08:21:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let your FIL, MIL come visit you. Send them an airline ticket and don't invite the SIL. If and when the why question comes up, tell them why, you and she can't get along.
2007-08-23 07:06:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ignore her.. compliment her.. reverse psycology.. she just wants attention.. dont give her that {}
2007-08-23 04:49:21 · answer #6 · answered by who ?? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋