My b/f and I have been seeing each other for about 7 months now. When I met him he had just gotten out of a bad relationship.. Besides that, in the past he's been badly hurt by girls where he's been lied to and cheated on. I love him to death and he knows that I really care about him. I tell him all the time how special he is to me. One day he said he felt like no one loved him, and right before I was about to say that I loved him for the first time, he told that I better not be telling him that again. He said it takes a long time to realize you're in love with someone.
In addition to that, he’s mentioned to me before that he wants to make sure that the next relationship he gets into he does not want to be a failed one. He’s 32 and he knows he’s getting old and he wants kids very badly. He’s not a bad guy at all. He’s get along and he’s very sweet. He calls me everyday, and we spend time together all the time. He’s told me that he cares about me, and I’ve told him the same. I’ve given him letters saying how special he is to me, and how he makes me happy and that I want to make him happy as well. He’s even told me that he’s never had a girl like him as much as I do. For some reason though he’s afraid to commit to me. As much as he’ll deny it, it feels like he’s afraid that I’m going to hurt him like his past ex-girlfriends. My mom even thinks that he may be afraid of how much he likes me.
These are just few theories but I’m almost positive it seems like anymore he’s afraid of getting hurt. Can you guys tell me what you think of the situation and tell me what to do. I knew from the time I started talking to him that he was the one I wanted to marry. What do I do and say to let him know that I’m not going to hurt him, and make him realize that I really do love him?
2007-08-22 21:39:28 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
hey =) you sound so sweet he is blessed to have someone that cares so much about him, i'm sure he is glad to have you by his side. but when people get hurt from the past it sometimes hurts forever, and affects life it self. because when someone cheats on you and lies so much, everything else seems like a lie. but i think you dont need to tell him how you feel 24/7 , let actions do the job for you, just love him and take care of him allways. and i am sure he will realaize how much he really means to you...... actions speaks louder then words so... you know. but good luck and may god give you the pawor and the rite actions to show ur man love, and respect .
2007-08-22 21:47:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You totally just described me. I am really afraid of commitment because my marriage failed miserably, and it really hurt. I have had boyfriends since then, but when it's time to really commit I run for the hills. It feels like my soul was bruised by the failure of my marriage when I realized that my hopes and dreams of getting married and STAYING married would never be realized...
The difference is that I have kids so I feel no pressure to get married and have a family. I think that he's afraid that he'll find the wrong woman and then have kids with her, and THEN get dumped or cheated on, making the breakup even more difficult and hurtful.
For me, I think that over time, as my current relationship progresses and things are going well, I can see myself getting married again. He knows that he can't pressure me though. I really need space and time to be comfortable with it.
I don't condone any sort of games, so what I'm about to suggest is NOT a game at all. You need to think about how long you're willing to put up with this. Put a time frame on it... If he's still in this mode in 6 months, then tell him, "I'm sorry but I can't live in this limbo stage forever. I DO love you and you can't accept that. I can't sit here forever and wait for you to believe me. It hurts to say this, but for my own dignity I have to say goodbye." I bet he will call you within a week and tell you that he didn't realize what a good thing you ahd going until he didn't ahve you anymore.
2007-08-22 21:53:53 · answer #2 · answered by 1M9 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well from the sounds of it he already knows you love him. However, if his past is as painful as it sounds, taking the relationship to the next level (commitment) means doom according to his history with women.
You can either back off a bit as not to be too clingy and if he really does wish to keep you... he will fill the void by giving you what you want - commitment.
The whole idea of love is to get hurt once in a while. If there is no wound, there is often no need to make someone feel better. Give it time, practice patience, and keep with it. If you two are compatible, it will happen.
2007-08-22 21:46:34 · answer #3 · answered by untamed_soul 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, this sperm donor has hurt you already. And I think someone should introduce you to the end of a sentence. It is called a period and I suggest you use it. At least occasionally. So you don't want to get hurt again? That is not going to happen. Life gives us both wonderful moments and hurtful ones. When we are mature we can handle the hurts and the highs. So learn to write a proper sentence and accept your Dad for what he is. You did not make him a bad father...he did that by himself. Now you must decide what is acceptable to YOU and run with that.
2016-05-20 22:23:48 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This kind of thing just takes time...if you can sit it out though is up to you. He sounds like he is scared of being hurt and feels a bit lost...but all you can do is ride it out and be there for him if he needs you. Remember you are part of the relationship too and deserve to be aware of what is happening. Good luck
2007-08-22 21:43:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't say anything that will convince him. Just don't hurt him, he'll get used to the idea after he sees you aren't hurting him.
Alot of guys his age fear commitment even though they're ready to settle down and start a family. Just let the relationship ride, don't push him and don't smother him. He'll come around.... they usually do.
2007-08-22 21:46:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it seems to me like it is issues with him being afraid.
so your mom is most likely right.
i say that you should just give it a bit more time.
once he realizes that you're sticking around and caring, he'll feel confident enough to commit.
just, dont rush him into something he isnt ready for
2007-08-22 21:44:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be patient, it has only been 7 months. Eventually you will prove to him that it is okay for him to fall in love with you.
2007-08-22 21:43:35 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well.. tough one... its his insecurity thats stopping him... well.. just slow things down.. keep talking to him.. he needs to have his confidence built... but i believe u can work it out.. just go real slow... {}
2007-08-22 21:44:37 · answer #9 · answered by who ?? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is sick there must be reason girls bumped him no offence
2007-08-22 21:44:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋