my boyfriends family is overly dysfunctional. his brother yells, throws objects, and there is no respect between them. the mother usually sides with the brother and therefore my boyfriend always feels hatred towards her. the father butts out and acts like nothing happens. my question is..if someone is brought up in a home filled with disrespect for one another and fighting, do you think this will be the case when my boyfriend has a place of his own ??
(or when we get married?)
2007-08-22 18:35:48 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he is 22..
2007-08-22 18:43:51 · update #1
every person is different...
my husbands fam was dis functional too...but we have been living together for 4 yrs and we argue and fight like adults.
i recommend u know him before u move in or get married...because if he does have a temper, it will affect the outcome of yr relationship.
2007-08-22 18:42:04 · answer #1 · answered by mom&wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So much chaos in the home that the parents should take control of what is happening, but they are not doing a good job at it, which is sad. I think the father is the one to set some ground rules of the house. He is to be the leader of the home. He should act like a Father. The mother shouldn't take sides, that's wrong. Your bf and his brother need guidance by both parents, but they are not getting it and that's why they both act the way they do.
If your bf wants to do the right thing, then he needs to go to both of his parents and talk about what is bothering him. That's how problems get resolved. Plus, he needs to see both parents respecting each other as well.
Just because his family is like that, doesn't mean he will be like that too. Unless, he is already showing signs of anger or abuse. The problems in the home needs to change first.
I would consider reading, "10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
And before you two ever get married, do get married before living together, otherwise, you will be "shacking up". So before getting married, do read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."
So, if you are alreading seeing signs of anger and abuse, do not marry or marry into the family. Something to think about.
2007-08-22 18:52:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good lord! You poor thing. You have a pretty difficult situation here. I can't pretend I know what you're going through. But, here is my advice. Tell your boyfriend the complete 100% truth and try to work it out with him. This lying thing just isn't working anymore and it sounds like he really cares about you. If you care about him, show him respect by being honest with him. Once you've done that, you can take the next step in deciding how you want to live your life. Believe me, I know what I'm saying to do isn't going to be easy. But I think you'll probably be relieved once it's all out in the open. Also, although you may not be able to afford it right now, you should move out on your own-not necessarily move in with your boyfriend. You need to stand on your own two feet first and make your own decisions. Let your parents cope with that. If you're Mom is afraid of being left alone, she'll just have to deal with it. If you let her control you, you will be sorry.
2016-05-20 06:59:50 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a really good question! I would not think of marriage yet with this person because of what you described. Take your time and find out more about him, first. Meaning, for example: If he were to have his own place, would he in time act the same way that they do, on his own?
Would he act towards you in an unfavorable manner later on and blame you for things that you do not deserve because of anger he has or will have because of his family or someone else? Thinking of his family, how would a baby for the 2 of you do in time? There would be the family involvement again; how would HE be as a father?
Please let a long enough time to pass in your relationship with him to see how he acts/reacts to normal everyday living. [many months, not many weeks.]
It could take a while for him to calm down even if he has his own place. Remember that even though people have been grossly abused in their young lives, it really depends on THAT individual and how they see themselves and the world and what they want to make of it. I hope this has helped. Good Luck, to the both of you.
2007-08-22 18:53:42 · answer #4 · answered by caves51 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends how old the boyfriend is, If he's older and out of college it could be problem, but if he's still in 8th grade or even highschool it's acceptable up to certain point
2007-08-22 18:42:21 · answer #5 · answered by xesti p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he could want a very quiet place alot of people that grewup with mean stuff generally will want some peace and nice stuff you have to get to know him and what he does and wants and bleive.
2007-08-26 13:30:35 · answer #6 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋