Getting married in 3 days......................?

Question

I love my fiance but i recently found out that he slept with my sister. I know I should hate him but I don't. I do not want to marry him now and I want toknow how to tell him. I am not a mean person.

I found out because he came to me in tears and admitted it to me. We are both 25 and my sister is 16, yes, 16. Makes it worse, I know. To top it off, this WAS her first time. Nobody was drunk. Wish I were right now.

Answer 1

He slept with your sister!! No one will think you are a mean person at all! It's better to do it now then divorce him later. Tell him that you can't marry someone who you don't trust and would do something like this to you, because if he did love you, he wouldn't have done it. My thoughts are with you.

Answer 2

If he slept with your sistewr while you and he were dating or engaged, doesnt this give you a good idea what he might be like after your married? Breaking engagements happens all the time! Although it may be difficult to do, you cant just walk away without telling him anything. You dont have to make it a long drawn out conversation, and if you feel you cant face him face to face, then write him a letter and let him know that when he is done reading you are willing (or not) to talk about it. If he slept with your sister before you became a couple, then you have to figure out what is more important to you! Letting go of the hurt even though you werent together at the time - it still bothers you, and try to mend the relationship, or let go of him and move on with your life! You arent being "Mean" because you dont want to marry him or need to talk to him abut this! You are being honest! And, I really beleive that he should have told you about him and your sis himself! Honesty and communication are big keys to a great relationship. HATE is a VERY BIG word! You shouldnt necessarily HATE him, just feel sorry for him because he is going to miss out on something (YOU) great becasue of what he did! And as for you, the right guy will come along and you will go on to have a wonderful life, IF you can put this behind you! Whatever you do, do it right away. DONT prolong the agony. Tell him now if you dont want to get married! You dont have to tell anyone else the reasons either! That doesnt have to be anyone elses business unless you choose to tell. And monies you spent onthis wedding, and things you bought, can all be put away for another special day OR you can donate it or sell it if you arent comfortablein using it later for yourself! Best Wishes!

Answer 3

No matter what happens, you will always remember this... And being married, well, it's not a good place to be if you've got something like that in your (his) history. A break now would be the wise thing to do. Don't get married. It will never be right. Especially since you don't want to marry him as it is... Marriage isn't going to make it better. And mean- you don't have to be mean to make a break. No apology makes that right. He shouldn't even think that it was an okay thing to do. -And what would your parents think if they found out? And worse, if they found out that you knew? You may not be too close with your parents, but any father, or mother, for that matter, would instantly lose all respect for their soon to be son-in-law. Good luck with whatever you choose. But just know that just because you've planned a wedding, doesn't mean you have to go through with it. I'm sure everyone will understand. -Take care.

Answer 4

Tell him point blank - I know what you did and while I still have feelings for you, I can't bring myself to marry you! Don't let him worm his way out of this (he will try); don't buy in to his sweet talk; and most importantly walk away with your dignity intact!

Get your bridesmaids together (I think I'd leave the sister out of it, I can imagine the phone conversation:
Aunt Sophie:"Oh dear, I am so sorry to hear the wedding is off. What happened?"
Back Stabbing Sister: "Oh well she found out I slept with her fiance' and for the life of me I can't figure out why she can't accept it."
No, I don't think that would be a good idea (sorry that was a sad attempt at putting a semi smile on your face).
Have them make the phone calls, you don't need anymore stress nor to have to go through that scene with everyone. This is part of the reason you have bridesmaids - for the support through good and bad.

I feel bad for you to go through this at this late point, but better now then later.

Answer 5

You shoudn't married him. While you are a kind person ..he must be confronted. How horrible that it is your own sister. I would also confront her to let them both know how terrible that is and how much it has hurt you. If he cheated with your own sister, then he will cheat with anyone.
You don't have to hate him or your sister but how can you forget something like that. You need to react quickly before the wedding day is here. Don't marry him. You deserve better and will find a better and decent and faithful man. Keep your chin up. By attacking the behavior you aren't directly attacking the person. You will need time and space to grieve your loss.
until hopefully you reach acceptance and move in. Good luck and I am so sorry but life throws us curves and we must learn from the mistakes.

Answer 6

If what Cory (see above) said is true, it's a wonder HE doesn't call off the wedding. You are no better than he is. Sleeping with a 16 year old who was a virgin is unforgiving. And if you marry him you will need to remember your own black past and never bring his up again. Maybe if you seriously tell him you won't marry him because of what he did, you should tell him your history and your fantasies and see how forgiving he is - not! I didn't see any sympathy for your sister. She is young and not to blame. Don't ruin her reputation any more than he already did. Be sympathetic to her.

Answer 7

If I were in your shoes, I would let the police inform him. Regardless if the sex was consensual, it is still viewed in CA. as 'statutory rape' and it carries a minimum jail sentence. Even though you may no longer be interested in marrying the man, you are obligated to report him. Yes I understand that you don't want to hurt anybody and you are not a mean person. The fact remains that whatever innocence your sister had left, it has now been stripped from her and now she no longer has any childhood left. Even though your sister may have wanted to have sex, it is a double whammy that it was your fiance to take her virginity. Your sister may be in disagreement but you owe it to her to report the incident.

Answer 8

Ever skeptical. I have to say that you are getting around here. considering you have a relationship with a married man ( sexual or not) and you are in love with your friends BF and now your fiance tells you he slept with yor sister. I would say time for you to put the brakes on your life and get it together..or maybe just get a life.

Answer 9

Are you the same person that asked these questions...

I am sleeping with my best friends' boyfriend....?
Now we are in love with eachother. How do we tell her??

I have been having a (non-sex) relationship with a man that is married.?
He and I both agree we will not betray our spouses, but there is a connection between us that we cannot ignore. I am finding myslef really falling for him, and he is trying so hard to ignore his feelings for me. It is time that something happen. Should we just end it and learn to live without one another?

Whatever goes around, comes around-don´t you think?

Answer 10

You are one very busy person -
You were in love with a married man 1 month ago, have a non-sexual relationship with a man a few weeks ago, having sex with your best friend's boyfriend less than an hour ago and now calling off your wedding with your fiancee who took your 16 year old sister's virginity. I read your prior questions. I also found it interesting in the non-sexual relationship question, you mentioned his and your spouse.... So lets add bigamy to the whole picture. You're a dumb ***.