Help! My 13 year old daughter has all of a sudden developed a bunch of "irrational" fears.?

Question

By this I mean, meteors crashing into the planet, the sun exploding, kidnappers, rapists, burgalers, etc...etc... every day she gets all mopey, and when I ask her what is bugging her, she goes off about the next thing that will kill or harm her. Pretty soon I am afraid she is going to say the air we breath, or the ground we walk on. I am at my wits end!! I don't know how to deal with her anymore... I have tried to explain them away, and ask her to use logic when she gets scared... but enough is enough. What is some ideas about what is going on??? How to fix it??

Answer 1

This is obviously very frustrating to you. And one of the first things I notice in your question is the similarity between your frustration and your daughter's fear.

I know we all want to blame our mothers for our problems and I am not suggesting that you are to blame. But, please be careful of the coping behaviors that you are modeling for her.

This may be as simple as teen angst and attention seeking or as complex as a personality disorder. Nevertheless, it would only strain your relationship and magnify the problem to react differently or treat your daughter differently.

It is during our teen years that our brain begins to develop enough to wrestle with such complexities as life, death, god, creation and the end of the world.

When I was a teenager I became fixated on the vastness of the universe, heaven, how the world might end and the power of God. It passed as quickly as it started, but I'm sure my mom wanted to gag me! I've noticed this is not uncommon for teens and young adults. Many teens turn to religion or philosophy to seek answers about the vast unknown. A vast unknown they have only begun to realize exists!

One of the other answers suggested there may be some form of trauma that has triggered this fear or over exposure to negative images in the media. This may be worth exploring.

IMPORTANT!!! No matter how trivial your daughter's fear may seem to you, it is VERY REAL to her. Please try not to minimize her fear to much... Maybe instead of logically explaining away the looming doom, you could ask her what she fears most about it. See if you can get her to talk to you about why she feels the way she does. Sometimes, we just want someone to listen and "get" us, especially teens. Teens are very existential.

You could be surprised to find that she is experiencing a mental growth spurt and having a hard time wrapping her head around the fragility of life and the complexity of the world we live in.... As adults, we realize we can't understand it all and move on to acceptance...

Be patient and let her talk this through.

On the other end of the spectrum, she may be depressed and truely despondent. If the above information doesn't help then I would suggest you meet with her teachers, counselor, coach and other adults she interacts with and determine the extent of the problem. Then you will have a better assessment in determining what type of professional help to seek.

Answer 2

The first thing to do would be to analyze what is bothering her. If this is something new, most likely an event occured that caused her to be stressed. Because she is only 13, she is at a high hormonal period where a lot is changing in her body and some things that may seem not a big deal to average people, she may or may not take to another level that is more extreme. Did she recently move to another town? Just begin middle / high school? Things like this can cause an already anxiety prone teen to really put things into high gear. Clearly she has some form of anxiety, she may only have anxiety because it is genetic, but the sort of things you are describing that she worries about suggests that something is bothering her, again, like a stressful event or even just changes going on in her life. Either way, the best course of action would be to seek out a therapist for her, he or she can help her get through this, and many times in young teens, these things can be dealt with in months or at most a year in a best case scenario, although sometimes more time may be needed if the problem is more deep set. Either way I wouldnt worry because this is very common, just try to be patient with her and help her get through this, trying to explain that her thoughts are irrational may help to some degree but not much. Good luck with everything, I hope your daughter begins to feel better!

Answer 3

You have a mixture of two things, a little anxiety and media. What you mentioned sounds like a couple of shows I have seen on the discovery channel about cataclysmic events, and the other is found on fox, MSNBC, 24/7… start to monitor or influence less TV and more activities you know she likes. If you noticed that she has recently been acting different there might be something going on that you don’t know about. If your methods of explanation don’t seem to work try to get her into something other than television.

The anxiety she may be feeling could be part of her developmental stage, I would not urge you to put her on any type of medication at her age (even though that is what do doctors more than likely will tell you to do) not at least for now, if you notice that nothing helps then you should have her see a professional. Good luck RA

Answer 4

One word. Statistics. Nothing is more convincing than cold hard facts. Search on the Internet for the exact statistics of her irrational fear then compare the the statistics with something good happening that is less rare. Ex: The sun exploding spontaneously is about as likely as winning the lottery 500 times in a row or something. I know it sounds corny but I'm 13 and that's what I do when I have an irrational fear. For more more rational fears, like burglary or rape(not really likely but more so than the sun exploding) teach her things like self defense. Simple things like that can add a huge level of comfort. Just be sure not to just force it on her. When she brings up something like that just say "Oh, well the chances of that happening is blah blah blah" or "You know, this TV show said this is a great way to protetc yourself...etc. ect." This doesn't work for everyone but it works with me and some of my friends. Remember that most of these fears are from TV and the news. Find a way to disprove the sorce she got it from too.

Answer 5

Your daughter might have panic disorder and she'll be just fine. It doesn't always require medication but it does require some attention, patience, love, and support (it sounds like you've been doing that). It sounds like your daughter is a catastrophic thinker. What this means is that she is finding the scariest things she can think of and flooding her head with these thoughts to avoid dealing with the stress she is feeling in real life. She could be having some trouble in school, friend trouble, body image issues, whatever it is, something thing or things are bothering her and she isn't sure how to deal with it or she's afraid to. There is a great program that I went through at www.stresscenter.com. There are cd's, booklets, and dvd's that she can go through at her own pace so she can learn how to handle what's going on in her life. These skills can help her throughout her life! I firmly believe in this program it made all the difference to me. Good luck and all the best to you and your daughter.

Answer 6

Sounds like she could be suffering from an anxiety or panic disorder. You may want to speak to her Dr about it.
Has she recently gone through a traumatic event? A divorce in the home? The loss of a loved one? Anything of the like?
Here are some good websites that might be able to point you in the right direction.
The good news is, if she's got an anxiety or a panic disorder, they're very treatable with behavior modification, counsoling, and medication. I hope this helps. best of luck to both of you. I hope she's feeling better soon.
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/anxiety.html
and another
http://www.bpkids.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ft_anxityandbipolardisorder

There is so much information out there. For more type in "Anxiety and Panic disorders in teens"

Answer 7

properly, i think of knee length hair is wayyyyyyyy too long, yet i do no longer see why her hair ought to be as short as a bob if she does not choose it to be. in my opinion, the longest I ever had my hair replaced into approximately waist length contained in the 8th grade (so i replaced into 13) i'd desire to not at all ever have dealt with hair as long as your daughters is, it must be very awkward. attempt and communicate her into getting a number of it decrease off, to love waist length, which continues to be truly long. That way, she heavily isn't dropping the long hair that she loves, yet her hair will look plenty fit, dropping all that hair on the top that must be incredibly frayed and overwhelmed, and likewise, it will be plenty extra effective, and nevertheless very incredibly. I actual does not attempt and make her get a bob if that's no longer what she needs, which it of course isn't. Her option to have long hair isn't hurting her or everyone else, so there is not any ingredient making it a combat, or forcing her to do something that is going to truly disappointed her. that's her hair, she has to stay with it. additionally, human beings get truly related to their hair so do no longer act like getting a decrease is not any super deal, attempt to be gentle. Even getting a in basic terms a foot or so decrease off would be an excellent deal for her. And, supply the hair to locks of love!!!!

Answer 8

It sounds like she suffers from some form of anxiety. If these spells start to get out of hand for example, she feels like she is going to be taken over by them or they control her, then I suggest you seek professional advice. Any kind of therapy would be highly advised. In certain instances people who suffer from Schizophrenia feel they are ruled by unknown sources which consumes their every thought. Certain examples.. They imagine that someone or something is following them, trying to harm or kill them. They may also feel ruled by surreal sources or a surreal source is going to harm or kill them. Don't get down on yourself, there are things that you can do to work through this. Wish you the best.

Answer 9

Do not yell at her! You should be VERY SUPPORTIVE of her. This is Panic Attacks or even Diabetes Or Thyroid! This girl is not crazy she just has some medical problems, and may even grow out of them. Ask her to go with you to the doctor. She needs to talk with the doctor NOT YOU!! You may want to chill out with a counselor yourself about her bieng ill.

Answer 10

Turn off cable news. Sounds like she's listening to too much Fox News, CNN, etc.