For fellas who have been on a break: sincere answers only!?

Question

The situation:

Bf and I are on a break. It started this morning. It was his idea. He believes I distance myself from him physically,emotionally,sexually,mentally,etc.. and says he feels alone in the relationship. I understand I've been doing this, Im going through extreme anxiety problem...Hes fed up bc i havent seen a dr yet and dont take meds for it.

He says he loves me but is not in love with me right now, bc of how I have treated him..(??? honestly, Im a really good gf..i think its a cop out)

anyways, I want to look at this break as a good oppurtunity for the both of us, but I need help doing so. He comes home for like 10 minutes and even his tone has changed with me..he seems very unconcerned and disinterested & has someplace to go, stuff to do w/ the boys (he is actually hanging with the guys, not w/ other girls, i know for a fact)

Ne ways, when he is ready we are supposed to figure out if the time alone makes us want each other more or want out of relationship.

My question:

WHAT can I do to show him im the same ol girl he fell in love with, but give him his space at the same time?
I was thinking about pretending to have plans to, just to make him wonder..

Also, working out more & doing some self improvements..

and staying in a cheerful mood around him, and somewhat joking, nonchalant.

please, can someone give me specific suggestions that will make him realize what he has before its too late??

Answer 1

If he specifically mentioned in his grievance that he thinks you should be seeing a doctor or taking meds, taking steps along those lines (or proving to him that you don't need to) will go a long way toward convincing him that you're still committed to the relationship.

I was in a similar situation with the woman who is now my wife. She is not the first woman I was ever involved with who had the kind of emotional trauma that she has been through, but there is a very important difference between the woman I married and the ones I walked away from; the one I married recognized that she needed professional help, and took steps on her own initiative to get it, before we got engaged. If she had not done so, I wouldn't have married her.

If your bf has the kind of rocky relationship history that I have, he is probably fed up with emotional rollercoaster rides with women who have issues but won't take steps to deal with them. Even if that doesn't apply to you, the very appearance of that would make him nervous. He needs reassurance that either you are dealing with your issues or that you don't have any issues to deal with. Only then will he be able to shuck the armor and give himself to you fully again. I strongly recommend that you -- either you separately or you and him together -- get some kind of counseling. If money is an issue, you can often get counseling free through your church (assuming that you attend one). Some employer-sponsored health plans also cover mental health treatments. For your own good and the good of your relationship -- in that order -- I urge you to look into this.

Answer 2

I've never been a fan of the break concept because it's difficult to fuse something together by keeping it apart (the two ideas are diametrically opposed). But, giving this notion the benefit of doubt, it seems like you're feeling the pain of his absence fairly significantly and you can only hope that he's feeling the same sense of loss. In the meantime it would be a good idea if you got the help you need (medically) for your own sake. You'll be healthier, and that will likely carry over into other aspects of your life. He'll notice the change and appreciate it, but realize that this is not so much for his benefit but for yours. (His noticing is merely icing on the cake). Good luck to you.
P.S. A lot of what d'archangel says makes a lot of sense in terms of understanding the male motivation in this situation. It's worth reading again.

Answer 3

Look if you can't be yourself with some one then you don't need him.If you are going threw bad times emotionally and he don't understand this if you two get together for good and you get in a bad way sick or what every then what is he going to do.There is one thing you need to remember if you love someone you suppose to love them threw thick or thin sick or well good or bad sounds like you both need a lot of growing up.I read what you wrote yesterday you two live in the same house that will be kind of bad breaking up in the same house.He goes out and you stay at home,that is not right,you need to leave home all so.I think you need to get threw with SCHOOL by yourself then find a real MAN then go own with your life.My Wife and I have been together for 28 years married for 26 years we don't feel good all the time she is going threw some bad times now but I still love her and have never gone out with the BOYS I have been where I need to be with Her when not at work.After school is over then find you someone that really LOVES you but for now think about SCHOOL.And by the way my first wife and I were together for 7 years before she died I never left her side.Go to SCHOOL tell HIM to KISS YOUR A$$.