okay anyone else ever been in this predicament? My inlaws are here from india to see the birth of their 1st grandchild (great that's nice). They are very nice people don't get me wrong, but I feel like a guest at my own house. They are kind enough to cook for me (since I'm so big right now, they're not complaining at all and are helping out). But they eat completely different foods from what i'm used to (I don't want to eat it and be rude). and they watch these shows that I don't understand the language! All day I sit and wait for my husband to get home at 6-7pm. They're here for a total of 18 weeks (oh hell yea i'm counting), but how do i prevent this from future visits? I don't want them staying for such long periods! We have no privacy at all. I feel like I'm visiting my inlaws house and I don't even live there...
2007-08-22 13:17:27 · 7 answers · asked by Pandu 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Step 1, Talk to your husband. You need him to help bridge the cultural gap. Run do not walk to a Marriage Family and Child Counselor to help with this. Try to remember the reasons why you chose him to be your husband, and remind him that he chose *you*, not a traditional Indian wife, so he needs to remember to keep *you* in mind.
2 Eat only what *you* want to eat, and let the nice family know that your delicate condition makes new foods difficult for you.
3 Find something else to do when the TV is on, and consider asking your husband's friends for help in showing your in-laws the local sights, which will get them out of the house for a while.
4 WHO decided they'd be there for 18 weeks? Is is your house too, and you should make it clear that YOU get some say in how long anyone is going to stay at the house. Let your husband know that while you love him dearly, you need some quiet time too.
Negotiate a visit from your parents too, if you get along with them, for a few days but no more than 3 weeks. If possible, get your mom to fix you comfort food.
Having help after the baby is born will be *very* good, but be careful that it is understood what your wishes are about things like earpiercing for infants, breastfeeding, etc. Stand your ground. Get your own friends to help too. Do get as much sleep as you possibly can after the birth. Post-partum depression is made of equal parts insomnia and stress.
For future visits, make it clear that if your in-laws stay at the house for more than 2 weeks (pick your own boundary), you'll be staying at a hotel.
Good luck.
2007-08-22 13:57:41 · answer #1 · answered by cerridwenamcoedwig 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is simply an unbelievable and callous intrusion! Did you have any idea this was coming? If they're going back to the old country after this, it may be best to send them back with a solid message that they don't own their son's marriage, family and household. By evicting them if nothing else. 18 WEEKS? If they had been there any sooner, they could have witnessed the conception. These are not in-laws, they are FREELOADERS!!! I have a couple of suggestions:
Charge them an amount for staying at your home that will cover your stay at a comfortable motel (at the least) including delivery of anything you desire. You should neither have to cook for yourself nor eat food you don't want to. Your husband can visit you there, stay the night, and you can have friends over. Don't tell them where you are. This could make for bad relations, though.
The other suggestion is to enlist authority. This is good when dealing with children and should work as well when dealing with adults that have no more sense than children. See if you can get your doctor over to speak with them and tell them that you need much less stress because he's worried about you. If they don't move out to a hotel or motel and give you plenty of quiet time alone, you could lose the baby. If they won't do that, he'll have no choice but to have you admitted to a hospital where you can be protected from the stress of having all these relatives.
I like the second one. Good luck!
2007-08-22 13:45:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to stand up to his family and explain that while they are certainly welcome to come visit the new addition, they will need to find their own accommodations while visiting. If your husband is that much of a wimp, then I guess you will need to be the one to contact your in laws and explain that you do not want guests sleeping at your house right after having a baby. Let them know they can spend the day at your home, but at nights they need to stay in a hotel. Honestly, if they still come and expect to stay, kick them out. It's YOUR house so it's YOUR rules. I know it will be very difficult to do those things and is definitely easier said than done. As for the wedding, how old will your baby be? I can understand not wanting to go, but it's not impossible to bring a baby to a wedding unless the bride and groom have requested that children are not to attend.
2016-05-20 03:34:32 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm guessing you aren't from india or even of that culture. i wish i knew what to tell you. this is apparently their custom as i've seen many q's like this. you shouldn't feel like a guest in your own home though. that's just wrong. i'm sure they're just trying to help but you should take the wheel for a while and prepare your own food. tell them the other things aren't agreeing with you right now. surely they'll understand that. i wish you luck as this will get tougher once the babe is born. talk to your husband about future visits, if there is to be any.he'll need to understand your being uncomfortable. hopefully, it won't happen to often since they live far. congrats
2007-08-22 13:36:52 · answer #4 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you married your husband, you married his family. luckily they are only here for 18 weeks. that seems like a lifetime when you are awaiting your baby. but, look at it this way, they could be with you for 12 months out of year, not that would be a predicament. get through these 18 weeks and don't let it allow to happen again with the birth of your next child. you have to let your husband realize this is not acceptable or tolerable to you. if he loves you with his heart, he will stick by your decision. just talk with him and truly let him know your feelings. congrats on the birth of your baby. make that be the most important thing in your life for you and your husband. good luck.
2007-08-22 13:59:18 · answer #5 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you have to understand is that in their culture what they are doing is normal. I can understand that you are not comfortable maybe you should explain this to your husband or better yet get up before they do and control the TV. 18 weeks WOW thats 3.5 months! I couldnt imagine again talk with your husband about this. and my lord girl good luck
2007-08-22 13:27:09 · answer #6 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe offer them to stay for a little while and if they intend to stay for a long time maybe get them a room in an hotel or you can make plans to leave at some part of their stay so they would have to leave while you're are gone
♥
2007-08-22 14:34:22 · answer #7 · answered by o_O 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋