I am having trouble getting my 9 yr old boy to listen to me.?

Question

He used to be so good but now he's gone really naughty, and thinks he can do what he likes. A lad over the road is influencing him and I do try to keep them apart. Any viwes plz?

Answer 1

remind him that choice has thier consquences. Let him know that you aren't mad, but he needs to make good choices. I agree with taking privledges and rewards away from him. Maybe try taking him to start martial arts. MA is a very good way to stay in shape, make new friends, discipline and respect. I help teach tkd (Tae Kwon Do) and I have seen a difference in kids who are not listening, and disrespectful but have started the tkd and have changed and have become more respectful

As for keeping him away from the other good luck, maybe try talking to the other child's mother and father and let them know what's going on, and try to work things out peacefully

good luck and keep us posted

Answer 2

Rewards and consequences. As much and as often as possible catch him doing good and reward that behavior. It doesn't have to be big rewards, sometimes a thank you or preparing his favorite food. Consequences can be everything from a five minute time out, to grounding for the week, to loss of TV, limited only by imagination. Try to make the consequence fit the crime. Like if he simply didn't take out the garbage, double the task, have him take out the garbage in the bathroom too, etc. All except food and his bed can be considered privileges and can be taken away, and given back when you catch him doing something good. YOU pay the bills, YOU run the house, and he needs to know that YOU are the boss. You can, if absolutely needed bring in third parties, but you will add to your own credibility if YOU handle the situation. Don't argue, don't cajole, don't ask, tell him, and then provide the choices, for positive, or for negative consequences. You are the parent. As the parent, BE the boss. Do it now when he is nine, so you won't be fighting this battle when he is 16 and out of control. One word of caution, make sure in being the boss, you are loving, fair, and reasonable. Fairness is paramount to a nine year old. He knows when he is wrong, and if your limits are reasonable and consequences are fair, he will respect you for it.

Answer 3

Ok, as to the 'lad over the road' - the more you stop him being with the kid, the more he'll try. It's the usual "I'll do it, just because I know I shouldn't thing."

Now, in what sense 'naughty'? Just small, annoying things?
Because I was a bit of a pyro at that age (burnt down the local woods at age 7).
You just need to teach him that his actions have consequences. Be strong - don't give in!
Take away something he loves (computer, favourite toy etc - and remember to hide it well!) and point-blank REFUSE to give it back for a few days. Do that repeatedly and soon he'll have an empty room. He might just learn his lesson.


Edit: To Robert C Below - Don't be a fool. He breaks your ornamant so you give him a hug and a kiss? I don't think so. Do nothing and the runt's just gonna see that as a green light to continue.
~ Antt

Answer 4

You don't say in what way your son is being naughty so it makes it difficult to answer but here goes. Other children are always going to have some influence over your son that's just the way it is, you have to hope that you have done a good enough job so that he wont go off the rails. Here's a few rules I have always used with my boys and with other peoples children also. Be firm but fair, never make a threat that your not willing to follow through with (no I don't mean hitting), let them know that you will listen to them if they in turn will listen to you, you may not always agree but that's the way life is, always explain what they have done wrong and what the consequences are for those actions, they need to know you are the one in charge. NEVER bad mouth his friend to him it will only make things worse.

On another note, have you tried inviting this other child over, this will allow you to get the measure of him, if you do allow him over remember the same rules apply to him as they do to your son, just remember to calmly explain the problem so that he wont feel threatened and only do it when he crosses the line not before. You may even find that he isn't as bad as you think and that your son may be showing off for him.

Answer 5

To make him listen more, you need to talk less and do more.

Tell him or ask him ONCE. Then take action. If he doesn't come in to eat, eat his favorites yourself and leave the rest. "Gosh, there were some biscuits, but I ate them." If he doesn't come when you call, you might call the police. (Check with them first and explain what you're trying to do. They may be willing to help since they know how hard it is to get control of a 15 year-old if you don't have control of a 9 year-old.)

Have him see his friend at your place. That way you know what they're up to and can intervene or talk to your boy about it later. With any luck, you can find a TV show where people who don't do the right thing get into trouble. You can use the show to talk about they get to that point.

If he talks back, say, "Oh, I wish you hadn't done that. Now, I'll have to figure out what to do, but don't you worry, I'll let you know when I've decided." Wait a while and then take away something or refuse to take him somewhere he wanted to go or buy him something. (I used the waiting thing and my boys, now 21 and 25, say it was the worst punishment--having to wonder what I'd do.)

Answer 6

I understand exactly what you are going through. My Step son is 10 and he too is acting up when he is with the neighbor boy from up the street. In fact the police were at my house a couple of days ago because they were riding their bikes out in front of cars. I talked to the other kids mom and all she said is "their not allowed to play in the street?" I dont blame the other boy. I mean my son has to make his own choices. Soon he will have to have the skills to not follow this boy into drugs or crime. His biomom is a crack addict so this, for me, is very important that he does not become a follower but a leader. Now the question is How do we do that?????

Answer 7

Hi,

I wouldn't worry too much about it as he is growing up and developing.

Children do reach that 'cheeky' stage and will answer back as they feel they want more independance and so try to reject those people who they see as authority figures - parents, teachers ect.

If he being totally out of order and being anti-social in parts then best thing to do is use sanctions - such as taking away his computer console ect and teaching him about how it upsets you when he cheeky.

The only way to gain respect from your boy is to respect him back. You need to give him a little more freedom but keep him learning that freedom doesn't mean you have to be disrespectful.

I would do a rota for the house ect and give him his own responsibilites such as he responsible for tidying his room or whatever. He may sulk but tell him that in order for you to respect him, he needs to respect you too and that means helping.

Children always make friends with other children their parents are particularly keen on and although it may be true that this lad is influencing him, your son has his own mind too so he knows he is capable of making own choices.

I bet he knows when he being cheeky and it best to deal with that then use the other lad as an excuse.

Trust me it probably to do with him growing up and all that. It could well be he has things worrying him or the way you approaching him about certain issues is wrong and he feels he backed into a corner or that you nagging him.

Spend more family time with him so he sees you as a fun mum and someone he wants to spend time with and share things with.

I wouldn't go seperating him from friends - it could cause further problems and doesn't give him chance to learn that he doesn't need to be a sheep but that he can be a leader!

Hope this all made sense and was of some help!

Lx

Answer 8

I think children should be taught to make their own decisions. As long as he knows right from wrong he shouldn't go too far off track.. You can't keep him away from everyone you don't like.. i'm not condoning naughty behaviour, just make sure he knows the boundaries and the punishment he'll recieve if he doesnt do as he's told.. He's developing his own personality, you just have to help shape the person he'll become. but by not letting him make decisions and mistakes of his own wont help in later years, when you wont be able to see what he's doing..

Answer 9

trouble at 9 - No, wait till he reaches about 12/13 that's when the trouble really starts, honestly it does get worse until they are about 20+ and for boy across the road I would keep them apart.

Answer 10

Spare the rod asnd spoil the child.
Children should be seen and not heard.
There is a sad reflection on the streets of the poor quality of parenting in todays families. Children let loose on the streets whilst the parents are at work is a crying shame.