Please give me your opinion on my 10-year-old daughter's teacher's behavior. Were my child's rights violated?

Question

In school today, my 10-year-old daughter (5th grade) went through the cafeteria line, got her tray of food and sat down at their class table. She then realized she's forgotten to pick up a fork. She asked the teacher for permission to go get one, but the teachers told her, 'no one leaves the table after we sit down', you'll just not get a fork'. My daughter had to eat her food as best she could with her hands! She said she did the best she could, scooping up tuna salad on some crackers and ate diced peaches with her fingers. I think my child was publicly humiliated and was, at the very least, neglected. What do you think?

Answer 1

i would contact the principal of your child's school, that is ridiculous...no child should be denied something as simple as a fork. there is no reason the teacher could not just get up and get her one or let her get her own...i think a 10 yr old is much more capable not to mention responsible than the teacher thinks...does she think she has a 2 yr old on her hands or what? i am sorry for your daughter. i would not say neglected as far as terminology is concerned, but denigrated, humiliated, and treated unfairly, yes.

Answer 2

If my kid came home and told me this I would see red initially. Then, I would remind myself of my experience of helping out in the classrooms, and cafeteria. It is a zoo out there. The teachers and lunch-duty parents have to do the best they can, so lunch is finished in time, and next lunch grp comes in or whatever cafeteria is used for next.

Maybe, just maybe, they are supposed to pick up forks/spoons at a time in the line, and she was busy chatting. Maybe she has already been allowed to get up a few times previously. Maybe other kids have faced the same situation, and it is a known consequence. There are so many maybe's.

So, while you can check with the teacher calmly about it, I would also suggest realizing it is a school, with rules, and so many kids for teachers to handle, with so few discipline techniques left. Your 5th grader may be one of the better behaved ones, maybe most of the others are not.

is there really a foolproof way teachers can identify if this instance of getting up from table is a valid one or not. No. you know your kid will not wantedly forget a fork just to break a rule. How would the teachers know this?
About they getting a fork for her, what next, get one kid the salt, one a napkin, one a milk/juice?

And even if it is an issue to be raised, I don't see why others are suggesting a response like your kid's civil rights have been violated? You are not happy with the handling, so go talk to the teacher, to the principal, to the other lunch staff... but calmly, and not in the confrontational ways suggested.

Answer 3

Go in tomorrow and ask the teacher why your daughter was not allowed to have a fork. That seems like ridiculous adherence to a rule. If you do not get an absolutely logical answer [AND COULD THERE BE ONE? I DO NOT SEE HOW] go to the principal and let him know the situation. Perhaps they need to put forks in a cup on the table so that the kids have no fear of forgetting to pick one up.

Answer 4

As a teacher myself, I do feel the teacher acted inappropriately. At the very least the teacher should have gotten your daughter a fork. They may have the no get up rule because kids abuse it just to run around; however, that teacher was definitely out of line. I would start by calling the teacher personally. Then if she is rude or doesn't have a good explanation call the principal. Occasionally teachers do have legitimate excuses for such wacky behavior. I can't see how that would be the case in this situation, but at least give her a chance to explain such cruel treatment on her part.

Answer 5

Yes, the teacher was wrong, since your daughter was well-mannered and asked to get up for a fork. Anyone can forget. The teacher was on a power trip to show power over a little child. That is humiliation. She probably does the same with the other children. If I were you, I'd go to the principal to complain, or the teacher directly. Make it very clear what the wrong was and stand firm for your daughter. Then make sure if the teacher retaliates, to follow up until the teacher realizes you love your child and the teacher's behavior is unacceptable.

Answer 6

I agree with you wholeheartedly. Teachers sometimes forget WHY they created a rule in the first place. I would assume the "no getting up" rule is to deter students from UNNECESSARILY getting up and goofing off. In this case, your daughter was obviously not asking to get up to goof off. What I find even more appalling is that your daughter ASKED and was told "no." I always thought it was weird when my students asked if they could get a fork, as if that were some sort of privilege rather than a right. If the teacher forgot her fork, she'd get up and get one.

There are 2 routes to take here. The first is to confront the teacher about the situation. The second is to let it slide this time (but document it for yourself) and address any future problems. I honestly don't know which route to take. If you confront the teacher, there's a good chance you'll be setting her up to become defensive, and you'll be setting yourself up for a bad relationship for the remainder of the year. However, not allowing your daughter to get a fork is so utterly stupid that it's as if the teacher is BEGGING someone to remind her of her role in her students' lives.

Answer 7

That is crazy. I understand how they don't want children getting up after they sit down but that is stepping over the line. The way are school does it (K-5) is once you get your lunch and sit down, you have to raise your hand to get up and the teacher will call on you. The teacher will always say yes unless someone else from the table is up and they will have you wait until the other child gets back. I would call the teacher and tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her if it happens again you will go right to the princabal. If it does happen, honor your word and go to the princabal. I guess a step after the princabal is the Board Of Education. Good luck!

Answer 8

Sorry. I know you are trying to protect you precious child but what if all the kids had to get back up to get forks? Teachers have to maintain control and since society and such has limited this to the point they can't even give stern looks to a child without fear of a parent wanting to sue them. I hardly think you child was "publicly humiliated." Trust me I eat with 10 year old's every day and they publicly humiliate me with their poor table manners. You daughter was far from neglected. Just listen to yourself thinking that neglect is not having a fork!?!? Give the teacher a break, tell your daughter to deal with the consequences (minor as they were) and support the teacher instead of letting you child see that even mommy goes against authority.

I am totally baffled and aghast at all of these unreasonable responses on here. You people feel that your "children" are always in the right. THey are children for goodness sake. You all try to teach and realize how hard it is to do your job. There are ALWAYS parents that think they know how to best educate and work with students and they have no training in education at all. If these parents think they can do better then they should try to homeschool their kid.

If you all listen to yourselves it is no wonder teachers are crazy and snap over things because of all the unreasonable parents.

After 13 years, I have seen and heard this kind of stuff constantly. I'm sure all of you self righteous parents have made plenty of mistakes. Too bad someone didn't run to DSS and report you!

Answer 9

Wow I cant believe that that happened. Call the superintendent tomorrow, if you can not get through to that person try the principle. Als call the teacher and figure out why she made your daughter eat like that how embarressing. this might be along the lines of neglect but I am very unsure of that. but making your daughter eat without silverware is extremally uncalled for and wrong that teacher needs to be slapped and shown what it is like to eat without silverware. we are not in the stone ages anymore we are sivalized people and she has every right to have a fork if not then a spoon at least. But yes I do believe that something needs to be down about this and that teacher should not be treated lightly for what she has done to your daughter.

Answer 10

That is wrong. I can see the rule being OK (no one gets up from the table) but the teacher could have gotten your daughter a fork. I would not let this slide. I would with out a doubt call the school and let my feeling be known.