boyfriend going to jail for month and i have to take care of kids?

Question

my boyfriend of 4 yrs and the daddy to my 18 month old son just found out today that on friday he has to serve 30 days in jail..he will set me up with $$ to pay bills and stuff but i hate being alone...how can i chill out about it? i am getting anixety already and he has not even left yet. I have a 18 month old son and a 9 yr old daughter so i have to be strong for them...please do not say leave him because he is not a murderer, he just repeatdly drove on a suspended license to get to work

Answer 1

My bf of a year is facing the same issue. Don't know about jail time yet, but it's a real possibility. I'm not leaving him either. I would try to remain calm. Did he set you up with enough money? I wouldn't tell your children where your bf is going. I would say that he's going away for a while. When he gets out I would sit down and have a talk about how he needs to be a responsible adult and such. As far as dealing with loneliness, I would get a journal and write in it every time you feel lonely. Write about what you would rather be doing, like spending time with your man. Then when he gets out have him read it, maybe he'll think twice about making dumb choices that hurt you.

Answer 2

You said you have to be strong for them, and that's true. It's not a big deal to be alone for a month compared to all the other bad stuff that's happening in the world.

You have a place to stay, and enough money to live on, and only you can change the way you are reacting to this problem.

Think how you would feel if you were a 9-year-old girl whose father had to go to jail and whose mother was freaking out over the situation. Even the baby will get upset when he feels his mother is afraid and anxious.

Don't let the children get as upset as you are .... find something to be happy about. Take walks with them, go for bus rides, stop by the public library, go places and do things you usually don't do.

When you feel afraid, do things to stop the fear. Sometimes going outside helps. Or try meditation, or breathing exercises. Play a game with the children: during the day, take them someplace where they can play, and at night, have some board games to play.

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Answer 3

Well, I'd say focus on your kids. Don't you think it's weird that you're feeling ANXIETY already just from the thought of being separated from him?
I am a former military wife, and a girlfriend (two separate soldiers) and I've been through an 18-month deployment, and a 1 month deployment (separate), and I can tell you, you WILL survive.
It's time for you to focus on your children, and things you need to do. Stop being so dependant on your boyfriend. I know that's easier said than done, but what better time than now, right? Come on, you've got to know that you can't ALWAYS be together all the time, right?
Join a club, or take a class, or spend some extra time doing things with your kids. Take a small trip with the kids, expand your and their horizon.
Good luck!

Answer 4

So sorry to hear that! I hope he will get work privileges when he gets out! It is very frustrating to see courts take away licenses..Especially when you live in a community where there isn't any public transportation (like where I live!!). Anyways, you are just gunna have to bear with it. A month will be over before you know it. Just try to have as much family and friends around to help you out. At least school will be starting for the 9 y/o. Make sure you try not to stress out around your children, cause they are gunna need you to be the strong women that I'm sure you are capable of being. Hang in there.

Answer 5

You'll be ok. Think of it like a military wife thinks of deployment (and be glad it isn't for as long as most of those last!). Two children alone really isn't that big of a deal. Surely the 9yo should be able to help with the 18 month old. If she can't already, then now would be a good time to teach her. She could help you with chores also. My two older children (almost 7 and newly 8) help with all of the younger siblings, meals, chores, and do fun stuff like ballet, soccer, etc. Responsibility is a good thing!

Answer 6

Sometimes as parents we just have to do what we have to do. Your bf probably doesn't want to do the jail time, but it's what he has to do. I know what you're saying about being alone. My husband leaves for a week every fall and I can't stand to be alone all night. Could you invite a friend/relative to stay for even a couple days at a time? Keep yourself busy and hopefully the time will go by quickly for you and your kids.

Answer 7

Just try to relax and surround yourself with friends and family. Maybe go to church or something. At night watch movies with the kids and snack and stuff. Just go on and keep the routine. The kids will need that. Maybe a friend or family member could stay at night with you for company and to make you feel more secure. I know I hate when my husband has to be gone on location overnight. Luckily we have an alarm for our hoem though so I can feel safe. 30 days will be done before you know it. Go visit often if you can, they might even allow him out to work. and if that is the case, eat lunch with him at workl. I do understand the driving under suspension to work. My brother had no choice but to do the same. However when he gets out, figure out some other way for him to get to work. Carpool with some coworkers. Or maybe even you could take him everyday. Do what you need to do so this doesn't happen again. Good Luck

Answer 8

wow so far ppl have been mean beyond belief. I am srry to hear that ur boyfriend is going to jail. Getting ur license suspended can be a hard time expecially if you need to go to work...try to take a walk or a nice hot bath. spend as much time with him as u can before he goes to jail. Also pick out a good book that u think will take a month to read..and before you know it he will be back. Also when he is out make sure he doesnt drive with a suspended license cuase then it will be more then 30 days. help him out cause he needs u right now along with ur kids! best of luck! btw may favorite book is a tree grows in brookyln..it talks about a girls struggle to make something of herself...check it out if u want...hope it helped!

Answer 9

Plan activities. I mean I know 30 days sounds like a lot. But sit down today and make a big poster board of things that you are going to do. If you are busy then time will fly. I hate being alone at night too.
Anyway are you scared to stay at home at night. maybe a couple night a friend could stay or something. It will seem longer then it really is and you are siking yourself out. Sleep on the couch if that makes you feel better.
Good luck.

Answer 10

Message to the WISHMASTER. Are you OK>? Saying stuff like that two the mother of two? What kind of ***** are you

As for you laddie, don't worry about it, month will go by pretty fast with 18 month old on your hands. You'll bond more:-). Its a very cute age and I am sure you will be pretty busy with 9 year old as well with going back to school and all that.
Be positive!!!