We both decided to confess a secret we had, mine was stupid but his was that he had sex with 9 girls. I was upset, but his comment was "I was dating them" I didnt say anything else and just tried to ignore it. Well what should I say to him about it or should I say nothing. I want to wait to do it till I can say I love him...which is not at this very moment...and how do I tell him that I want to wait?
2007-08-22 09:58:54 · 43 answers · asked by ~Lost N' Love~ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
BTW~ Im 16 and he is 18...
2007-08-22 10:10:52 · update #1
If it was before your time then you getting upset is stupid. You can't control how many partner he's had. You actually should be happy he is being honest with you.
2007-08-22 10:03:56 · answer #1 · answered by nicki 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Can I ask you why you were upset? You did agree to tell a secret. Is it because he's had sex with 9 girls or that you are not the first? Or are you concerned you will be added to his list of women he's slept with? I'm not trying to be harsh or sarcastic but there has to be more to your question than you are saying.
I didn't see where you said he's ready to go to the next level and you are not. So going on that tell him you have concerns about it. Tell him that not only did his confession(that you both agreed to divulge) has made you question your relationship but also his motives.(if that is the case)
If You are not ready you are not ready simple as that. If he wants and cares for you and not the act then he'll understand. If he doesn't understand your desire to wait then it could be that you are just another potential notch on his belt. In which case you do not want to be.
It sounds to me that you have your answer follow your instincts they will never let you down. What ever you decide to do make sure it is your decision and not his. When you move against your better judgement your heart pays the consequences. Good luck and stay true to yourself
L.Marie
2007-08-22 10:24:22 · answer #2 · answered by L. Marie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that at the begining you had only one goal, TO SAY A SECRET. Now you are looking for a second, third and fourth action. Perhaps in this matter you are being creative, anxious. Dont be. If he was dating them and both parts accepted to be together, well, this is nothing you get damaged with, or ofended. This was NOT IN YOUR TIME. It seems that he is being serious and sincere. He could say anything else, he could say a stupid thing and get out of the "secrets game". It seems he played honest, and not precisely in order to ofend or provoque you. You are taking initiative about this, and if you press too much, he will think "next time I just will answer stupid things". In your place, I just would get the sincere answer he gave, I would be interested in the PRESENT and in all the support and details and things we SHARE TODAY. This is what matters. Your friend is the person he is TODAY. Not in that time when he was with them. Dont mix your different images of him. And dont play games that may result as a BOICOT against your emotional plans.
2007-08-22 10:07:50 · answer #3 · answered by Simple Mind 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do u tell him you want to wait? Tell him straigh up! Nothing beats honesty. If the whole "9 girls" thing bothers you, let him know. If he was dating them its not TOO bad, but that is a lot of partners. I'm 25 and had been dating for about 10 years ,and had only 3 partners. Married now, with 2 kids.
I guess it's up to you. If he seems he would be sympathetic to your concern then you should tell him. If you don't think he will be, then it might not even be worth bringing up, as it might start some trouble.
Good Luck!
2007-08-22 10:07:14 · answer #4 · answered by Navy Man 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a guy what did you expect not all of them are virgins.... why does it matter how many women he slept with he is with you now. If you want to wait to put out for him then wait if that is all he is after then he is not worth being with because then you might just become one of his statistics #10 on his list. Oh and if you are just waiting till he says he loves you remember one thing:
Men will say and do ANYTHING to get in your pants!
So just be careful make sure you are ready he can wait.
2007-08-22 10:09:27 · answer #5 · answered by Vince 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him. A relationship will be torn apart by dishonesty. Personally, I will wait until my wedding night. I am only 14 and some think it's insane but then I say "I don't want to baby sit my baby when I could be parasailing." but that's just me. My cousin got pregnant after 2 years of sex with her boyfriend. She just had her baby last week at the age of 17. She plans to get married in April. My friend got pregnant from a one night stand. She kept her baby girl. That baby will never have a daddy to take her to baseball games or to kiss her goodnight. So many people take for granted the blessings brought into their lives from sex. Couples everywhere are striving to cough up money for invitrofertilization or trying to concieve but that one girl who had a little to much to drink just killed her unborn baby. So wait. Wait until that day he puts the rock on your finger. Those three little words arn't the go-ahead for intercourse. And if you do decide that you are ready for it, use protection and be sure he is checked for STD's, AID's, or HIV's. Because if you get them you will regret it for life and if you do get pregnant, your child and you're children's children are at risk.
2007-08-22 10:14:28 · answer #6 · answered by Victoria <3! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you want to wait. If he loves you, he'll understand.
A bit of advice: there's an old saying that lawyers use: never ask a question unless you already know how the person is going to answer. In other words, don't ask a question that might result in a nasty surprise for an answer. Something to think about.
2007-08-22 10:06:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you upset? He just told you the only secret he has. That is not something most men tell their girlfriends. If you get upset he will be more careful next time about telling you the truth. That may be the last truthful thing he tells you.
2007-08-22 10:16:11 · answer #8 · answered by Airmech 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should talk to him about it. Communication is key to a healthy relationship. Don't ber judgemental over the fact that he has slept with so many people. Just sit him down and let him know that you aren't ready and you aren't sure when you will be. Hopefully, he will understand and not preassure you. If he doesn't understand, he's not worth your time. You shouldn't ever feel preassured into doing something by someone who is close to you. Especially not something as big as this.
2007-08-22 10:06:33 · answer #9 · answered by meghanhappy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you say "I love him," and it is you taking the step of having sexual intercourse make sure you have two rings from him and the paper work to back it up in the form of an marriage license and then you may still be one of his conquest. He may continue to see how high he can get his tally after he has supposedly committed exclusively to you.
He maybe falsely bragging but in any case it's a line to get your pants down. Don't take the bait! Help him to change or find someone better.
Kind regards, Enoch.
2007-08-22 10:17:57 · answer #10 · answered by Enoch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I seriously doubt he did 9 girls at one time.
Maybe he had sex with 9 girls in his life time!
I would seriously doubt that number to (depending on his age).
Listen, he is playing you.. trying to get you to give it up.
Its up to you to decide if you want to or not. sounds to me like you don't. So what do you do? you tell him. just be prepared for him to move on once you do. Thats not a bad thing by the way.. its really a good thing for both of you because you both get what you want.. you get self respect and he gets to find his next conquest.
2007-08-22 10:05:55 · answer #11 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋