How do I get rid of an evil stepmother who is selfish and is using my father for his money?

Question

My mother died and my father remarried way too soon (less than 1 1/2 years later). My two sisters and I expressed our unhappiness with the situation but were told that they didn't really care and were going to do it anyways. I decided to let it be because my father was happy - until I saw the evil side of her. She is extremely selfish and makes everything about herself! She doesn't allow us to talk about our mother and gets really jealous if my father hangs out with his daughters. How do I prove to my dad that she's no good and she doesn't even care about us?

Answer 1

1 and a half years is not too soon. Its a nice amount of time.
He may be being used but he obviously doesnt care.

Answer 2

Eeek, this is definately a sticky situation.

The best thing you can do is be frank...with both of them. Talk to your sister and ask her to support you in this, then walk into a place where you, her, your stepmother and your dad are all together and talk. If this is really what's happening, then I'm sure you'll be able to bring up instances and stories of how and when you stepmom's bad behavior occured.

Propose a solution, like a dad/daughter day out once every two weeks, or something like that, and ask your stepmother to be nicer. Just be honest. It will feel like crawling in a hole, but you'll be relieved after you've talked it over in the open.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Talk to your father and asked him what are his thoughts with his life now having a new wife ? Ask him if he's happy that way seeing you his children being jealous by your step mom since you are children of your dad ? If you think his answers with his reasoning is so weird then tell also what you feel to them as his children. If he shows he really doesn't care with all of you his children you can give suggestions if you can stay with your grandparents or aunts, uncles instead because it's useless living with them if they don't show any concern to you especially your father he's your true blooded biological father. At least he as head of the family can do something so all of you will have a good harmony in your house not only as a one sided thing because he loves your step mom and you his kids he wouldn't care anymore as a parent.

Answer 4

Andrea,

You don't tell us how old you and your sis' are but I assume you still live at home.

You say he was happy - but not if he still is.

Look you won't want to hear this but you can't get rid of her and it is unlikely that you will be able to prove to your Dad that she is selfish - as long as your Dad loves here and is happy with her.

My Dad re-married a very insecure woman who behaved to us the same way as you describe. Luckily we didn't spend much time with them except for short periods but those were almost impossible to put up with. That was over 30 years ago - and they are still together and their love for each other is strong.

I now can say I love her and have told her that - but she is still sometimes very difficult to handle. It still upsets me to see my Dad giving in to her on ridiculous matters where she is obviously wrong - but what can I do??

When she starts to go weird and selfish about stupid things I can now laugh with her - and say something like "that's not really that important to you... " -she'll often smile and calm down a bit. But to get there with her has taken me the last 15 years of concerted effort.

I made the effort because I love my father and wanted to have a relationship with him. Now I'm glad I did!

Sometimes in life we are faced with situations and people that we simply can do nothing about. It is almost like they are our personal training a grinding stone to polish us if you like.

I'm really sorry mate, I feel for you, cause I've been there. She is insecure about her place in the world and, though it is not the correct order of things, you are going to have to be the grown-up in this situation.

All you can do is try to be kind to her. Try not to let her upset you, and try not to upset her. Do not do anything to deliberately come between them, but try to have some time your sis' and you with your Dad if you can.

It my get better soon - she may settle down or your Dad may wake up.

Hope this helps
Good Luck
Joe

Answer 5

When I was 7 years old, my mother had a really, really horrible boyfriend. He was cheap, rude, and disgusting. Even I saw that at my age. I eventually convinced my mother that he was no good, though it took something like 3 years. I tried heart-to-heart talking to her about it, but she was blinded by "love" and ignored me. My mother thought she was happy but in reality she was very depressed. She put him before me and my little brother. You should see the injustice about it, and you should be angry, and above all, you have to show it.

This guy turned my mother into a monster. She became very irritable and protective over him, and I just held my ground until I got my way and she saw what was wrong with him.

I was never nice to him, nor was I nice to my mother when they we're together, this can be hard, but there's a point to it.

I never accepted gifts from him, and when he offered to take me places I said no. When my mother tried to complain about it I just stayed as stubborn as ever and continued to refuse.

The thing is, you have to really show your father that you are his DAUGHTER and you COME FIRST. Always. No matter what. I hurt my mother a lot while she was in this relationship, but she hurt me too. It took all of that hurt for her to see that no matter what, its her children who deserve to be happy, not some other man.

If your father offers to hang out with you say: "No, your lovely wife wouldn't approve of it" If he wants to buy her something, don't talk to him, if he offers to buy you something, tell him "Your wife seems to need it more" But if she's in the room when he offers, accept it and give her a sideways glance that reminds her that you are in a higher position than her. Borrow her things, talk about your mother, blatantly disregard what she tells you. Make everything about you if she tries to make it about her, don't let her belittle you!

You have to be mean, and you have to be stubborn, he needs to wake up and see that his babies should come before any other woman.

Answer 6

if your dad is happy then there's not much you can do...if you confront her then she'll tell your dad then a big fight will start causing them both to fight, then causing all of you to fight....this is what she wants she is driving a wedge between you and your dad, SO all you do is ignore her, talk about what you like, go see your dad when you want, this woman hardly knows your dad, you have got a lifetime of memories with him s you know him better than she does, so i cannot see him letting her come between you all....she's jealous and scared of being alone, so she's hanging on to what she can.....do not change because of this woman, she is trying her best to split you all up so she can have him all to herself, when a person steps into a relationship with someone who has kids, they have to want the kids before the relationship will work...she doesn't care about you or your dad, she's there for her own reasons.....but i do detect some fear on her behalf...if she didn't have your dad, she'd have no one, one day that will happen because your dad will not abandon you for her....

Answer 7

I think you best bet in this situation is to make sure you stay on the good side of daddy. Nurture your relationship with him, bond with him and get that father/daughter bond as tight as you can. Then she will get jealous of you and make demands on your father at which point he will see her nasty side and you will be the hero. There 's no point in confronting her or him. He will think you are jealous and she will think you are a trouble maker. Trust me this works every time.

Answer 8

My dad had been with a lovly lady for like 4 years she was so nice and we were a happy family then they broke up and my dad was so unhappy he went to the first women he could find (he went with her in the 1st week of braking up) i didnt like her much because she use to never let me talk about my dads ex who was like a 2nd mother to me and she use to use my little sister to get to my dad by buying her lots of presents and stuff and she use to also tell my dad that i had done stuff to her wen half the time i wasnt even there and one night she came to my room and told me that my dads ex didnt love me and had said nasty things about me and to forget about her (at this stage my dad and her were plaining on getin married after 1 1/2 months) so i sat my dad down when she wasnt there and explaind to him everything its amazing how well he listend he even admitted that he was so un happy about brking up with his ex and that he he went to the first women he saw and so he boke up with her and he has got a new girl friend now that he really loves so and so do us kids so i suggest sittng him down and talking to him just be honest and explain everything bit by bit you will be amazed how well hell listen good luck :)

Answer 9

Sounds like Cinderella!!! That out of the way, I think you should tell her off and spend time with your dad as much as you want(and then some) she already doesn't like you so that will bring the lion out of the cage then your dad can't help but see the error of his ways (I hope he signed a prenup)

Answer 10

By not talking to him or asking him if you have your step mothers permission to talk about your mother or hang out with your father out in the open, where everyone can hear.

Answer 11

ask ur dad to go to family counseling so u all can work these issues out and u can all live in a happy home together