am I an over protective mother?

Question

my son who was only 14 passed away a year and a half ago in a 4wheeling accident. my daughter, my only other child who is 17 thinks im over protective of her. i think i just have strict rules to help keep her safe and away from harm. i wont let her stay out pass 1030 at night and i always call her cell to check up on her. Im strict on who she stays with because in my opinion some of her friends arent a good influence. i wont let her ride 4 wheelers , dirtbikes or horses bc im scared and it brings back too many memories of my sons death. I wont let her dive after 800 bc people drive worse at night, alot of drunks. am i over protective? anyone know some ways to help?

Answer 1

I'm truly sorry for you loss and the pain you must be experiencing as the result.

because of this, you might be imposing a more strict regimen for your daughter, yes.

i'm sure your son's was a freak accident, but i can tell you, my step son got hurt very badly on a four-wheeler, also. he was almost killed as well -- and his older sister decided it was time to sell hers...

i think you might be a little "overprotective" because of what has happened over the last year... and who could blame you?

if you feel you are too "strict" or worrisome, perhaps start by making an agreement with your daughter to call YOU on her cell phone once while she is out of the house. just to keeep in touch and to let you know she's ok.

take baby steps for the rest of it... you can give her a little more freedom as time goes on, if that is what you intend to do.

my heart goes out to you.

Answer 2

I understand your feelings and concerns BUT you are being slightly overprotective. Here's what it comes down to. Is your daughter trustworthy and generally reliable? If so, then you need to cut her some slack. She is 17 and in just a few months she will be 18 and you will have NO control over her. Would you rather her turn 18 and be reasonable or turn 18 and go crazy?

Her 10:30 curfew is okay but not letting her drive past 8pm is unreasonable. Calling her once while she is out of the house to check up on her is reasonable but not every hour on the hour. 4 wheelers, dirt bikes and the horses banishment is somewhere in between. All of those things require a person to have some skill and training. I suggest you allow her to do those things if there is an adult present and she has gone through a legitimate 3rd party training course.

Answer 3

Any parent will feel and do the same what you're doing with your daughter being kind of strict to her. Living in a liberated country is bit hard for your daughter to understand what your doing to her unless she becomes a parent too. In her mid teens she thinks she deserves and must enjoy what the other teens like her is doing. No matter how strict you are to her because she's your only child left I don't she'll never understand your point. But still try talking to her what really is point for doing that to her. Listen to her side also so you both of you can make arrangements to one another as mother and child to the point that you're not being to strict with her also. Because the more you become strict to her the more she become rebellious on you as a child. Tell your daughter that you give your trust to her but with a certain limitations. Both of you sit and down and talk as mother and child so that both of you will be more open from one another your daughter will gain your trust. You'll trust her also as a a more responsible child but once she made something really over and above your rules tell her that you'll be strict to her again.

Answer 4

She's normally involved when you consider that you hang around with forty+ 12 months olds, are they guys? I'm round your age and that is that rather sucky time whilst you have got to give up mendacity approximately what you do when you consider that you are afraid they will get mad and simply be sincere and take the crap, rise up in your selections. Have a speak along with your mother and spot for those who men can agree on whatever. If she is thoroughly unreasonable you'll be able to constantly transfer out, the extra distance among you the fewer over protecting she'll be. Come on, you already know that she's simply involved approximately you, exhibit her how liable you're.

Answer 5

this might not be of any help to you, but i am 13 and i think my mom really is over protective some times too, shes really nosy about who I'm talking to, she wont let me go any were with my friends unless she stays, and some times i feel like shes watching every move i make... but i have alot of friends and i see how they are raised and i think that the more you keep your kids from doing something, the more they want to do it behind your back ( and i might no from experience lol) i can totally understand why you might b skeptical about the dirt bikes and 4 wheelers and i have one and i know that they might not be the safest, but just let her breath a little more and i think you will both be happier... if you need anything else just email me good luck and I'm so sorry for your loss - xoxo Spoildlilprincess

Answer 6

First, I truly feel for the terrible loss of your son. I cannot imagine the pain you must still be feeling

You appear to not have reached closure - and that's to be expected.

However, you are running the risk of alienating your daughter with your own fears - no this, no that, no driving after 8, no horses, no friends, no privacy, nonononononononono - pretty soon you're going to lock her up in a tower.

I suggest your entire family go in for grief counseling. Each of you - husband, daughter and you - are dealing with great loss - and counseling will help you all come to a good perspective on your son's (his son's and her brother's) passing.

Speak with your pastor or minister right away about this - the sooner the better.

Answer 7

That is a tough one. As the mother of a 2 yr old, I understand what its like to worry about anything bad happening to you child. I'm sure after what you have been through, your amount of worry is multiplied greatly. I honestly don't think you are being too protective. Until she is 18 (or basically as long as she lives with you) I think you have the right to set the rules. I grew up with somewhat strict parents and it always drove me nuts, but now looking back on it and being a parent, I know they were doing the right thing. Good luck!

Answer 8

Sorry for your loss.

I think you are doing what you think is best to keep your daughter safe and as long as she is in your house she has no choice but to live by those rules.

Maybe you can discuss more openly with her why you have those rules and maybe you can negotiate some ways to relax some of them providing she proves she is responsible. You just cant let her go from being so protected to out on her own, so you really should consider rewarding her when she is responsible by relaxing some of those restrictions.

Answer 9

Well put it this way your MOM and the only thing you want is for you daughter to be safe and secure at all times, my little brother is 7 and he stays over his friends house all the time. My mom sometimes calls and checks on him to see if he is enjoying himself. (all she wants is safety) Some parents holly let there kids go outside past 8:00 p.m. So next time she says mom your over protective, say I am just being mom. And then say if you end up in a car accident you will feel real sorry for yourself because you knew I was right.

p.s. Let her drive Mon-Fri until 9:00 p.m. and Sat and Sun until 10:00 p.m

Answer 10

You don't want what happened to your son to happen to your daughter, understandable but maybe just a little over protective let her drive till 9:00 unless its weekends or friday continue with preventing her from friends that are bad